randomness...

there's news on the blogosphere..Indyeah is now engaged!!! the first blog- friend i made.. even though we havent really stayed in touch.. Congrats Indyeah!
ansh came to delhi for a few hours on 24th... thanks to the gods of connecting flights.. we met after bout 3 years but considering we talk atleast once a week it was as if he was never really gone.. missed you bro.... wish we could've hung out for longer...
upshot of the little reunion... max n i hung out for quite a while.. both on the school reunion and on 24th... it was fun... i'd forgotten how random our conversations in school really were..

speaking of school, the reunion was on 20th.. sweets, max, sasthi n i took a walk around the school, and it suddenly seemed a lot smaller than we remembered... and they've cut down half the trees that ringed the grounds and put railings where none were and bricked up teh back of the stage... oh and they've also changed the basketball court... though sweets said they had done it last year and i just didnt notice at the last reunion...
this reunion was a tad more boring than last year though... a lot of ppl who came last year didn't this year.. the post lunch drinks at sec 18 were not much fun for that reason... then we got into a discussion about drugs and what ppl are doing and how innocent we were at 16...
oh and MODI is engaged too!! first one in our batch as far as we know... certainly teh first among our friends.. made for a whole week of facebook comments when he announced it.. via fb status update ofcourse...

Four days left of 2009.. holidays are on so i'm pretty much spending the day sleeping in the sun and reading mills n boon romances... i'm SO addicted to them...

i feel like a lazy cat stretching in the sun... meow...

to friends and awkward questions..

"so.. why are you still single?"

i THINK it was meant as a random question.. possibly even a flattering one.. but somehow it hurt something inside... is it really so bad to be single?? i mean.. its been a while since i've been single but why is it so weird that i've kept the status??? i guess its flattering if ppl wonder why a "girl like me" is still single.. atleast i think they mean to be.. but why is it so necessary?? whats wrong with NOT wanting any entanglement?

recently, at a friend's birthday party N practically dragged me over to talk to some guy who apparently told her that he thought i was nice.. introduced us and then left me alone with him... that was embarrassing enough but to make it worse she gave me quite a talking to coz i didnt talk to the aforementioned guy for more than 5 minutes before escaping back to other friends.. n she was like.. how r u going to get over your past if u freeze out every guy who'se interested??

my question is... WHAT is so wrong with being single??
should i HAVE to hook up with the next guy who comes along???
why is single automatically linked to lonely?
why do people assume that my decision to keep this status means i'm not over my past?

no freakin way....

someone told me this line years ago... "the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.."

I've never agreed with it..
and i dont want to have to prove my happiness by hooking up with any guy just so my friends stop worrying bout my sanity...
i'm fine ppl..
its not like my life and my happiness depends on having a boyfriend..

n thank you.. i love you for all the worrying you do about me..

and i sleep...

its that time of the day again.. when the night has begun to spread its dark cloak over everything.. birds create a din overhead.. trees in the distance slowly turn grey- black from green...
twilight.. the saddest time of the day... the dying sun leaves the sky a bloody orange... the far horizon already swathed in shades of purple and grey..

the glow of the computer screen creates a shimmery light in the gathering darkness.. it loomes around me.. waiting for the little square of light to give up and let the dark claim me..

the sheets of paper between me and the screen begin to blur in the gathering gloom... i peer at them ineffectually... the pencil strokes on them seem to be dissolving into the night... as if mocking my efforts..

i sigh as my eyelids begin to descend on their own.. i try to blink but my lashes don't want to let go.. the light from the screen creates a red glow inside my eyes... urging me to open them... its waiting for me...
they're all waiting for me... the fading pencil strokes, the waiting cursor, the white screen punctuated with black typescript..

i feel myself fading as their pull fails to draw me back into the light.. i sigh again.. my lashes cling tighter to each other... my arms come up to cradle my head..

and i sleep.......

parties and shoots.. :)

i had the most marvellous coupla days.. wish i could put up pictures but can't coz i'm using the college computers.. home comp's effed up as usual... so here goes...

16th was a friend's birthday party... got all dressed up at N's place with another friend showing me how i had been trumped from the position of the most hyper person around.. she was so much more hyper bout her dress than i have ever been .. and i'm quoting N here!!! upshot of it was that i was ready to go about an hour before these two were done with their dresses n makeup! the three of us got to the party a whole hour later than the time we had set for ourselves.. :) but the party was on all night and it was FUN! old friends who  hadn't met in a loooong time and a lovely bonfire on the roof... yay.... and a nice gossip session once everyone else had left and it was just four girls with alcohol in them talking :)

anyway.. then i went to help abby with her photoshoot the next morning... my sister.. teh professional photographr... and she paid me for acting as her production assistant!!! it was quite a family production actually.. pico jiji's script, abby the photographer and with vrin n me playing assistants to abby.. :) the other ppl there were like.. should we call this shoot the "mathur production" :D
the studio was in this little galli in lado sarai and almost everyone got lost trying to find the way there :) half the morning was spent giving directions on teh phone and running out to the main road to receive people.. by teh end of it my legs felt like they'll fall off coz i was still wearing the high heeled boots i wore for the party

and an entertaining day it was... the models who showed up were quite a bunch... there was a girl who happened to be an LLM student at MY college.. there was this guy who had to play a roadside romeo and quite looked the part, complete with faded jeans n a wierd shirt and sparkly belt before the shot began.. we gave him a much more sober shirt n told him to lose the belt...
and there was this reallllllly cute kid.. about 4 n a half years old.. who played and ran around for hours!! by the  time his turn for the shot came.. he was tired and refused to smile for the camera.. so i stood behind abby and made faces at him to make him laugh.. but he was soooo adorable.. he even scrambled up on top of the dining table being used in the  shot.. he was supposed to steal chocolates from it so he happily clambered up while he was supposed to pretend that  he was reaching for the jar.. and then just coz we all clapped for him.. he did the whole thing over again..

and speaking of adorable.. there was the cutest little puppy on the set.. he was the studio owner's pet and we played with him all day... he's a tiny little pug named Jumbo..and he wore a cute little red coat with paw prints on it!! he kept running onto the set.. he even started running after the kid.. who thought the pup was gonna bite him and got freaked out.. i have sooo many pictures of the dog.. and the set.. wish i could put them up... vrin n i almost had a fight over who would hold the dog.. by the end of it the studio owner was like.. why dont you guys just take him with you.. i'll get another dog..

the highlight of the day however was that towards the end of the day abby and the client's rep decided that they needed another couple of younger models. and vrin and I got to play models!!!!! got makeup done and posed and preened... and managed to actually get a couple of really pretty pictures!!
so what started as a day for us to lug stuff around, manage ppl and serve food, ended with my MY FIRST SHOOT!!! and abby's now promised to shoot my portfolio coz she has to add a fashion shoot to her own portfolio!!!
YAY!

welllll... this one's a bit shallow...

just saw new moon at plaza... it was quite an experience.. a hallful of women hooting at edward and jacob.... robert pattinson and taylor lautner actualy.. they're HOT!!!!! it was catcalls, screams and drool enough to drown the whole place.. they're stunning...

and then we got into this conversation about how if someone had a good body they'd look good even with a not so good looking face... coz noorie thinks that taylor lautner doesnt have such a goodlooking face.. I on the other hand think that robert pattinson is downright weird looking from most angles.. though i'd have to concede that he has the face of an angel if seen full face.. he looks weird at angles and in profile.. though taylor is WOW from every angle...

well.. the point is.. a question...
would someone look good if they had a not so good looking face and an amazing body??? or does the whole package count??????

maybe i'm biased towards taylor.. he's Jacob.. he's pretty much EXACTLY how i pictured jake.. and i ADORE jacob.. he's like the ideal guy... but would anyone else agree with my opinion???

my opinion.... its not just the face.. its teh whole thing.. the face, teh body (and OMG what a body ;) ) AND the person... teh reason i love jake n not edward is coz he's a real friend.. he's a supernatural being and yet he's not afraid to show his weakness... and he's always there for bella.. he doesnt try to control her or push her teh way edward does.. he accepts HER and is brave enough to put his own self on teh line.. unlike edward who just tries to 'protect' bella instead of letting her be herself...
 i remember this sentence from Eclipse... jacob asks bella if she wanted to have fun with him... and then he says.. "let me guess. youre not allowed to have fun are you?"

but... i digress...
so... coming back to teh point..

who'se better looking???? Jacob or Edward????
or to give the boys some credit... Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson???

may angels lead you there

"you know you're gonna have to let go of his memories annie.. he's been gone for a long time now.." her sad smile had taken a turn towards pity by the time she got to the end of her sentence..

i knew she meant well... intellectually.. i KNEW he was gone... i had seen him collapse on that crowded road.. prayed fervently through the mad dash across the city... heard the words that made it final.. and yet.. i still waited for his return.. our room was the same as he had liked it.. his shirts still hung neatly in the cupboard.. i still looked up at the sound of a bike pulling up.. still searched for his face in a crowd... and lived with the hope of a miracle...

"don't cry annie.. i know how much you loved him.. how much you wish that day never happened.. but it did sweetheart.. you have to let go sometime.." i just looked away from her.. refusing to listen..

she have me a hug and walked out of the house.. i sank back down onto the bed and held on to the pillow that somehow still bore the scent of his skin.. stared at our picture on the wall as the light slowly faded from the window...

and woke to the feel of his arms around my body.. his breath on my hair.. his lips on my skin...
"hi..." i smiled at him.. "what took you so long..??"
"just.. got lost in the dark"

Untitled...

Anticipation sent a shiver trough my body as another red circle joined the others around my wrist… they now went halfway up my arm.. The dark red in sharp contrast with the white… the red sparkled.. the white subdued..


how many over the ages had looked down to this sight and known that life as they knew it was gone???

I could hear what seemed like a hundred voices outside my closed door… talking, laughing... celebrating… I still wasn’t sure if it was happiness or sadness that enveloped me… the anticipation was turning into something sharp… I couldn’t identify if it was pain or pleasure…

I hoped no one would come inside.. but then maybe someone would…. I didn't think I was ready to face the exclamations, the advice, the comments.. but the attention might be nice…

I took another look through the mirror at the room behind me.. awash in colour, clothes and knickknacks.. I wanted to remember this.. keep it safe in my memory no matter where I went next…

The mirror showed a girl who looked nervous and scared.. quite unlike the confident woman I had wanted desperately to be..

I looked down at my arm again… the glittering circles seemed to shimmer brighter in the tear- induced haze.. seemed to grow bigger… I sighed and closed my eyes.. leaned back in my chair and positioned my arm carefully over the box by my side..

listening to the distant drumbeat of the dripping drops..

I hope it fills up neatly and doesn’t spill over… don’t want anyone to have to clean up too many bloodstains…

plzz excuse... exams chal rahe hain...

You know you’ve been studying a tad too much when a conversation between friends about boyfriends turns into a discussion on void contracts and fundamental rights….


This conversation happened between Rave, a dear friend from law fac (obviously) and me just today… couldn’t help sharing it..

R: so… how is your bf??

Me: bf? I don’t have one dude..

R: ohho… that ex of yours.. I know you were talking to him..

M: so what.. I can talk to him if I want.. just coz we’re not dating doesn’t mean we’re not friends..

R: tell you what.. I’m making you an offer right now.. I’ll give you 20 bucks for each day if you don’t talk to him for a month..

M: hey… I don’t accept the offer dude.. in any case.. its not an agreement.... that’s void ab initio..

R: why would it be?? It’s a valid offer.. it even has consideration.. 20 bucks a day..

M: no.. its an agreement in restriction of my fundamental rights.. you cannot sign away fundamental rights bro… not only is the agreement void ab initio.. you can get thrown behind bars for violating my fundamental rights of speech and association.

R: no I wont be.. it is for your welfare.. thats allowed.. it is possible to put a reasonable restriction on fundamental rights.. even th judge will uphold that one..

M: yeah sure.. if you’re the legislature you can make such a law.. IF you can justify the restriction.. yahan there’s no justification..

R: sure there is… customary law… remember.. you DON’T talk to ex boyfriends.. thats customary law..

M: customary law is invalid if it is violative of fundamental rights or of any legislation in force or is unreasonable… KAL ILS ka paper diya hai remember…

R: you’re crazy u know that

M: yeah I know.. but I also know this stuff better than you do,… so don’t argue law with me…

blood sugar sex magic

It was rather silly as conversations go… but it threw up a certain point that left me wondering…


Last night I had a conversation with an old friend whose been acting a little weird for a while… I was getting worried bout the mental condition of said friend who, although has been declared certifiably insane by my opinion a number of times... had lately been behaving in a manner that made me wonder if a trip to the much abused hospital in shahadara was actually required..



Well… after a lot of cajoling and “you know I won’t judge you”ing on my part the truth was revealed… what my friend was suffering from was, put plainly a bad case of sexual frustration… to put it in an even plainer manner… sheer frustration at the lack of a sex life..



Predictably, my reaction to that little revelation was a rather loud giggle… and a “oh my god you did not just say that…”

Then I stopped laughing... and started thinking..



Does the “lack thereof” really affect your mood and behaviour?????



Do men and women react differently to this deprivation? Coz this friend is a guy.. and I don’t agree with his hypothesis that the “lack” and the resulting frustration gets you down..



I mean… sure… lack of physical activity and excitement can very well get your dopamine levels down and get you feeling low… but downright depressed???????



Or is it not just the sex but all the attendant romance and relationship.. or the lack thereof that really gets you down?



I mean… in most bio books.. air, water and food are accompanied by sex in the “Must Get to Survive” list…

stories of lost dreams....

I’d thought I had been fighting a lost battle… covered in scars.. bruised and battered.


I’d thought I was fighting all alone. No one had cared to join me.. that you had abandoned me. Left me to defend the shell of what had once been the only place I called home..

I blamed you for running from the fight just when I needed the reinforcement..

Then I began to believe that the castle of dreams I’d put my life on the line to save meant nothing to you... that you had abandoned it just as you had me..
i began to hate the castle.. the dreams it showed and the lives it destroyed..hate myself for fighting to save something all others had left to rot..

I built it anew.. stronger.. taller.. a castle could defend on my own…

And yet I will always mourn the castle of my dreams.. Blame you or leaving the battle just when you were needed the most..

If only I had known that reinforcement were coming..

of epiphanies..

Strange how this particular epiphany happened.. in two parts… with the same person there in front of me(or on the phone) in both cases…


Strange also that the annoying brat(or AB) formerly christened CL.. was the person I was talking to both times..

Strangest of all.. the sheer amount of time it took me to get to this stage…


I’m finally proud of looking the way I do.. its no longer something to blush about.. if someone stares at you.. its okay.. preen..

For years.. getting compliments was an exercise in embarrassment.. if someone noticed my clothes I felt exposed.. if someone liked my hair.. I’d comb it out.. no makeup.. no flirting… I was in this state of imposed self control… the only guy who could.. and after a point did compliment was AB.. n then I thought that he was just doing so coz he loved me n couldn’t see the faults the mirror saw… I would NEVER flirt.. that wasn’t DONE,…


Then came the breakup.. and the post breakup baggage..
The tears.. the “guys are jerks” phase..

Worse still.. the almost- relationship that flared for a bit n then drowned..

And I closed down.. turned away from the mirror.. began to hate how I looked..

If someone couldn’t see beyond the fair skin n brown hair to the brain and the heart under the skin.. I wasn’t interested…

And then came the epiphany.. just this weekend..

It was my cousin’ birthday. He also happens to be a fellow student at CLC… and we have a large group of mutual friends.. the birthday party was loud, alcoholic and lasted all night… but that isn’t the point..


I wasn’t going to go…I had studies, work… commitments.. then a friend reminded me that I had to take a break…. Another reminded me that I DESERVED a night out after all the responsibility..

So I went…

I didn’t have clothes appropriate for a party coz I hadn’t gone back home to get a change of clothes.. I’d left straight from where I was…

So I borrowed clothes from another cousin.. fashion prevailed over consciousness and I actually wore something flattering without first whining about it.. I only had 10 minutes to get ready… so I wore whatever she picked for me…

When I stepped out of the room at my cuz’s place after a hurried combing and makeup session.. there were 6 guys in the room..

they turned around in unison as I entered.. and for the first time in FOREVER.. I noticed how they stared at me before they turned back n got on with the work they were upto.. and for the first time.. that look didn’t make me blush and wanna run n change.. it made me feel powerful..

Quite in contrast to my desire to run find a burka at noorie’s birthday…

Other people came.. the music started.. the dancing started.. and again.. somehow in the dark… I forgot to be shy… I only knew 5 of the 40 odd people at the party.. but I danced.. in a way I’d NEVER danced before.. I walked how I never had.. hell. .i even danced with a guy I don’t really know… AND I actually preened at a compliment instead of hanging my head and grinning…

And I ACTUALLY flirted!!! As ridiculous as THAT sounds… it was my first conscious attempt… n I refuse to apologise for it..



While some readers may dismiss this as some silly outpouring.. this is HUGE for me.. just last month I cried in utter humiliation because a friend thought I’d been flirting with her brother… the accusation had made me feel cheap… I hadn’t done any such thing and I was actually disgusted that someone would think I would do that..

I realise now that I’d been behaving like a recently bereaved widow since the breakup… any fun was an insult to my sensibility.. everything hurt.. a song, a memory, a line spoken unaware… n I would withdraw..

I was blaming myself for wanting too much.. for not being good enough to deserve attention…

But I don’t anymore…

And there was my epiphany…

I AM beautiful.. and I’m HAPPY being single.. n I REALLY need to stop taking everything so seriously and blaming myself for what happened..



And surprisingly.. this epiphany really happened when I was telling AB bout the fact that it was weird for me to be at a party without him and NOT feel alone.. how for the first time in four years was at a party where I didn’t have a particular person to dance with or talk to or call… and I felt free..

N he was like.. you’re feeling weird because it DOESN’T hurt anymore..??


Guess i’ve finally accepted that there’s something good about being footloose and fancy free after all…

In the end…

A big thank you to Rave n Tiny… two friends who made it possible for me to go the party… to Vrin for the awesome clothes.. Rob for the “man you’re dressed to kill”.. :)

I shall not be shy anymore..

Carlo's words

lying in the dark.. the whisper of your voice in my ears.. i would do anything for that voice. anything at all.. just to hear you call my name.. say that you're here, that you will always look out for me.. that you will always love me..

running away from the world.. from anyone and anyone who doesn't believe in our love.. who questions my devotion to you.. the darkness feels like your embrace.. it makes me forget the world.. forget myself.. all i remember is you and all that i'm willing to do for you.. anything.. anything at all..

you know i worship you.. i'm your devotee.. i would fight for you.. die for you .. kill for you...

i have done all you asked of me.. i have fought all who go against you.. but you know that already....

they say i'm delusional.. that your voice never was ...that i hallucinated..

I killed the conscienceless scum who broke his vows to you.. i destroyed your enemy who tried to ruin your family...


and yet today i am burning in hell..

 
 
 
 
i just read Angels and Demons again...
 
This is for camerlengo Carlo Ventresca... conversations with god..

ties...

He was everywhere she looked... and nowhere at all.. every corner that she peered around had some hint of him.. a lingering scent.. an echo… maybe a fading footprint in the mess that was the floor..


She desperately wanted to get away… escape him if only for a little while.. maybe disappear into a world where he didn’t exist…

“I really need some time to myself.. its like my entire existence has been consumed by his demands… what do I do?”

“you can’t actually mean that maya… you know you love him.. you cannot possibly survive an hour without him.. and you know how he loves you”

“that’s easy for you to say nina… do you know I haven’t painted in heaven knows how long.. haven’t danced.. haven’t even read a good book.. everytime I want to just sit down he puts forward a new demand…”

“why are you whispering though?”

“I sneaked into the other room.. he’s sleeping right now.. if he wakes up and finds me missing he’ll start screaming again.. I should probably go.. I think I hear him waking up…”

.

.

.

“mumma…..????”

“aye mela bachcha.. ninna nahi ai??”

“mumma godi”

“aa ja beta..”

He sighed in peace as she took him in her arms…

“how could I ever even think about getting away from him….”

what is it like when your nurse falls ill??

“I’m bored.. I don’t want to lie down anymore”
“you sat up for quite a while this morning ma.. just lie down right now..”
“I feel fine..” she starts to turn..
“ow”
.
.

2 hours later..
“I’ve had it.. I’m getting up now…”
“you’re going to feel even worse if you get up.. just relax in bed!”
“but I’m bored..”
“so read a book”
“I can’t read.. it gives me a headache”
“okay come and watch TV”
“its those ridiculous saas bahu rona dhonas all the time.. there’s nothing to watch on tv”

I switch on my music but my choice of songs annoys her
“don’t you have any hindi songs of the kind I would listen to??”
.
.

5 minutes later, she’s sitting up again..

“I’m going to take a short walk around the house”
Her Older sis(OS) jumps in at this point.. “will u just shut up and lie down.. The doctor told you to stay in bed for two weeks!”
.
.

I look around from the stove to see her standing in the kitchen door
“what are you doing?”
“why did u walk all the way here? You should have just rung the bell and I’d come”
“I was tired of lying down.. what are you making?”
“nothing really… paneer for your snack”
“I don’t want paneer… give me a knife and fork, I’ll cut an apple”
“you really shouldn’t sit on the dining room chair.. it’s not healthy for you”
“I don’t care… feel fine... now just get me the knife and plate. Cutting an apple is not too much work”

“ow”
“I TOLD you not to sit in this straight chair mom.. now come lie down..”

“but I’m so bored…….”


she had a surgery last week.. been home for two days..
mothers are IMPOSSIBLE to mother..

the law of attraction

YES i truly am this vella and YES i CAN get this obsessed with a project... so what started as a joke with friends to draft the legislative provsions of the law of attraction is now a full fledged, 5 page work tht i've spent most of today on.. and YES OFCOURSE i want comments!!! from people who have studied law and those who havent, from those who have had crushes and those who havent PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment on this post.

FYI.. YES I REALLY WROTE ALL OF THIS BY MYSELF.. and NO you are NOT allowed to make fun of it coz its all true.

P.s. the idea of this legislation came from the SPIL form that i have as yet NOT filled.. n deadline's tomorrow..

THE HUMAN ATTRACTION (INITIAL PREFERENCE) ACT 2009
(987654321 of 2009)

(17th September 2009)

PREAMBLE Where it is expedient to amend and codify the law relating to preliminary attraction among humans.
BE IT ENACTED by the senses of human society in the year 2009 AD of human existence as follows

PRELIMINARY

1. Short title, extent and commencement. - (1) this act may be called the Human Attraction (Initial Preference) Act, 2009.
(2) It extends to the whole of humanity including those existing the territory of storybook romance.
Explanation: This act only applies to mental phenomena of attraction amongst humans. Actual formation of the relationship whether physical, emotional or social do not come under the purview of this act but are regulated by various other legislations including the Societal Rules and Etiquettes Act and the Parental Authorities acts.
2. Application of Act. – (1)This act applies to any human being
(a) who has attained the age of puberty; or
(b) any person, male or female who is mentally capable of forming infatuatory relationship with another person.
( c) who is not suffering from mental unsoundness produced by the phenomena commonly known as “Cupid’s Arrow.”
3. Definitions.- In this act, unless the context otherwise requires,-
(a) “the person” refers to the infatuor or subject i.e. the male or female who forms such infatuation as defined by the Act;
(b) ‘the male’, or ‘the female’ unless otherwise specified refer to the infatuee or object of such infatuation;
(c) ‘Parental Authority’ or ‘societal authority’ refers to the progenitors of the subject or object of infatuation and the social group that the parental authorities belong to respectively;
(d) ‘intellectual capacity’ implies the capacity of ‘the male’ or ‘the female’ to learn and make judgments. It also includes capacity to conduct rational and/or humorous conversation. ‘mental capacity’ refers to the ability of the object to understand that it would be prudent to give the subject a position of authority.
(e) ‘relationship’ under the purview of the act refers to a future sexual and/or emotional relationship.
Saving: The object of the infatuation may be of the same or the opposite sex to the infatuor. The terms ‘the male’ and ‘the female’ are used as general terms for legislative convenience.
4. Overriding effect of the Act.- Save as expressly provided in the Act any theory or rule of attraction propounded in movies, romance novels self help books or psychology manuals shall cease to have effect with respect to any matter for which provision is made in the Act.

PART I
GENERAL PROVISIONS
CHAPTER I
OF FEMALE INFATUATION

This chapter applies solely to the female part of the human species. The rules pertaining to male humans shall be dealt with in chapter II of the Act.

5. Definitions:
(1)‘the female’ in the following sections refers to the specific infatuor or subject of the infatuation as discussed herein.
(2)’other female’ under these sections refers to any other female that ‘the male’ finds or may find attractive.

6. Specific attributes: the female may find a male of the same species attractive if the said male possesses acceptable physical attributes, and/or is economically sound and/or is intellectually and mentally eligible.

7.Physical attributes defined: physical features that signify excellent capability to copulate defined by attributes such as height/weight ratio and/or musculature.
(1) in particular and without prejudice to the aforementioned conditions, dark complexion, height and conformity to accepted idea of good facial and bodily features is an essential criteria in situations where the intellectual and economic aptitude of the male is unknown.
(2) personal grooming, including clothing, hygiene and hairstyle of the male must conform to the standards set by the female.

Saving: in case the object of the infatuation is a female, section 7(1) stands voided.

8. Economic attributes defined: in situations where assessment of physical attributes is impractical or impossible due to absence of visual contact, parental interference or deemed unlawful by societal authority, the economic capabilities of the male shall overrule the provision of Section 7. The following economic criteria may then be applied-
(1) motor vehicle: the type and cost of motor vehicle driven by the male
(2) habitat: this includes the living space as well as profession of the male
(3) currency notes or negotiable instruments under the control of the male
Explanation: the mental capacity of male to accept the right of female to make use of the aforementioned items as and when required is necessary for the application of this section.

9. Intellectual attributes: the female may, in certain situations attribute attractiveness to the voice, mannerisms or intellectual capacity of the male
Explanation I: this provision may be applied in situations wherein the physical and/or economic attributes are equal to those of other males in the vicinity and selection must be based on factors of intellectual aptitude.
Explanation II: This provision may also be applied in situations where the male is not viewable by the female and contact between the two is by telephone, internet or letters.
SCOPE: this provision is applied in rare situations wherein the choice of the female is either extremely limited due to lack of eligible males or made difficult due to presence of more than the optimum number of eligible males.

10. Peer influence: the attractiveness of the object for the female may also be in certain cases proportional to the extent of approval and attraction exhibited by other competing females towards the male.

CHAPTER II
OF MALE INFATUATION

11. Definitions.- (a)‘the male’ in this chapter refers to the infatuor or person forming the infatuation;
(b) ‘the female’ in the chapter refers to the specific female of the species on whom the infatuation rests. If the object of the infatuation is a male member of the species, sections 7, 8 and 9 of the act may be applied.

12. general attributes:- a male may find a female attractive if such female possesses certain physical attributes. In specific situations, certain economic or intellectual attributes may also be applicable.

13. Physical attributes defined:- a male may find a female attractive if she possesses physical attributes capable of stimulation of the male libido as defined by the Fashion Police Act.
(1) the female may possess a body type defined under the Fashion Police Act as the ‘hourglass figure” or approximate proportion; or
(2) possession of features defined as “pouty lips”, or enhanced mammary or gluteous tissue; or
(3) proportion of amount of clothing worn by the female to the skin of said female is 1/3 or greater; or
(4) the clothing worn by the female accentuates the shape or size of the mammary or gluteus tissue.
Saving: the personal grooming exhibited by the female in form of clothing choice, makeup and accessories are also part of the required physical attributes though not an essential requirement.

14. mental capacity defined.- in case the physical attributes of the female are unknown due to restrictions imposed by parental or societal authorities the mental capacity of the female, as defined under the general provisions of the act may be applicable.

15. economic attributes defined.- the economic capacity of the female and/ or her parental authority to provide the requirements listed under the subsections of section 8 are applicable in situations where the requirements of section 13 are not met.

PART II
COMPOSITION OF ARBITRAL TRIBUNAL
CHAPTER III

16. WHEN DETERMINATION OF ELIGIBILITY DEPENDS ON THE OPINION OF OUTSIDE PARTY: in cases wherein the infatuor is unable to find eligible object or must decide to take action with respect to the infatuation, authorization of such action may be done by
(1)peer group: friends of the infatuor may act as authorities to decide the question of eligibility. The number of friends who may be appointed as arbitrators may be determined by the infatuor.
(2) parental authority: parental authority may enforce special right of adjudication with respect to the choices of the infatuor under the overriding provisions of the Parental Authority Act.
Explanation: this section can only be applicable when the infatuatuor is intent upon making contact with the infatuee. The simple mental state of attraction does not come under the provision of this section.


CHAPTER IV
OF VOIDABILITY OF ATTRACTION AND PUNISHMENTS

17. Voidability of attraction.- if the subject of the attraction does not form similar infatuation with eth male or female, it would be incumbent on the infatuor to withdraw such infatuation. The attraction is voidable in cases where acceptance of infatuation is delayed or denied.

18. Punishment for continuation of attraction declared void.- once the infatuee has denied the attraction continuation of the feelings of attraction may entail mental and physical anguish.
(1) the male or female may have to undergo bouts of tears or emotional pain; or
(2) if the object of attraction is already bonded with a different male or female, physical or verbal attacks on the person of the infatuee may be made.

rambling tag

okay so i'm sitting at a freind's place lazing around and thought i'd answer a tag quiz she'd put on her blog ages ago... so here goes

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
A. Talk things through.. see if we can salvage things.. n if things seem shaky or i think he's gonna do it again.. boot him out..

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
A. hm... the pulitzer with my name on it.. or a mention on the top of the new york bestseller list.. :)

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
A. anyone who annoys me... i dont hesitate with kicks

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
A. buy a lamborghini, a superbike for myself n my brothers, a few fun gadgets, a house on a lake for dad.. with wats left i'd keep half n donate the rest to charity..

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
A. yes.. to quote a rather cheesy dialogue by SRK.. love isnt anything without friendship.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
A. Being loved by someone you love
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
A. as long as i need to without destroying my life in the process..

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
A. wait.. i dont hit on attached guys.. n if he wants to be with me he'd come to me himself.
9. If you'd like to act with someone, who would it be? Your gf/bf or an actor?
A. An actor for sure, the whole point of acting is to get away from real life! Top 2 choices would be Hugh Jackman or ryan reynolds.
10. What takes you down the fastest?
A. my own thoughts
11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
A. on stage accepting the pulitzer...
12. What's your fear?
A. Losing my faith
13. What is your secret vice?
A. classic ultra milds
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
A. Married but poor.
15. Whats the first thing you do when you wake up?
A. debate whether to throw the ringing phone away..
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
A. yes
17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
A. the one who i can talk to about the dilemma
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?
A. forgive yes.. forget no.
19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
A. single

I TAG ANYONE WHO READS THIS ENTRY TILL THE END.

on the line....

"I'm sorry sweetheart.. please.. please give us another chance... i love you.. i won't survive a day without hearing your voice.."
she just looked at him as his voice trailed off.. he was hyperaware of everything around them suddenly.. the hushed voices of other people in the room, his own thundering heartbeat.. the absolute nonexpression on her face.. she simply looked at him..
"i'd die if i'm rejected now.. who will ever take me seriously if she doesnt accept me now???" his thoughts were bordering on panic at the sheer nonresponsiveness of her reaction..
she simply looked at him.. lost in thought..
he didnt move an inch.. his knees were trembling.. almost giving out.. should he have gotten down on his knees to beg?? he suddenly thought.. maybe she wanted to see total surrender.. it would've been dramatic to say the least... maybe too dramatic.. he steeled himself as he brought his eyes back to her face... waiting for some change in her expression..

slowly her hands twitched as if involuntarily.. her arms rose away from her sides.. was she...???? he was hoping with everything he had now.. taking half a step towards her as her arms rose higher... did she step towards him?? his thoughts were all aflutter at the sight of the smile on her face...
his numbed mind registered what sounded like cheers in the background..
her lips parted...

"bravo!!! that was amazing! thats it.. YOU get the lead in my play!!"
her applause joined that of the gathered audience...

another mention of my 'twilight' obsession

i have a habit of visualising the charecters of any book i read.. specially teh ones i'm really really fond of (read obsessed about)
so naturally... like just about every other girl who entertained fantasies bout the 'perfect' vampire boyfriend. i visualised Edward Cullen... (*swoon*)

except that the guy who actualy played him in the movie is SO not like my fantasy edward... so i was like.. blehhh
BUT
today.. while indulging yet another sudden obsession.. i stumbled on THE guy who could play edward in my head... the actor/model who plays romeo in the Taylor Swift song 'love story'.. the title of the post is a link to the youtube video of the song...

btw... the "sudden obsession' aforementioned is this song... love story- Taylor Swift... heard it on the radio this morning and promptly fell in love with it.. its soooo sweet... its like a teenager's take on romeo and juliet.. the video showed me my dream edward.. the song itself gave me a whole morning of singing and skipping.... coz by some grace of god a friend had the song on her cell n happily gave it to me via bluetooth.. (i LOVE my phone!)

i've lost count of how many times ive heard it over n over n over again today...
so.. all in all.. a good day.. two obsessions taken care of... :)

taylor swift- white horse

say you're sorry
that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
As i paced back and forth all this time
cause i honestly believed in you
holding on
the days drag on
stupid girl
i should have known, i should have known

that i'm not a princess, this aint a small town
i'm not theone you'll sweep off her feet.
lead her up the stairwell
This ain't hollywood, this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you went and let me down
now its too late for you
and your white horse to come around

maybe i was naive
got lost in your eyes
and never really had a chance
my mistake,
i didnt know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand
i had so many dreams about you and me
happy endings
now i know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale
i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
lead her up the stairwell
this aint hollywood this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you went and let me down
now its too late for you and your white horse to come around

and there you are on your knees
begging for forgiveness, begging for me
just like i always wanted but i'm soo sorry

cause i'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
i'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
this is a big world, that was a small town
there in my rearview mirror disappearing now
and its too late for you and your white horse
now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now.....

WAY BACK INTO LOVE- Music & Lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
i've been lonely for so long
trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on..

i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just incase i ever need 'em again some day
I've been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but te stars refuse to shine
i've been searching but i just dont see the signs
i know that its out there
there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

i've ben looking for someone to shed some light
not somebody just to get me through the night
i could use some directions
and i'm open to your suggestions

all i wanna do is find a way back into love
i cant make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart again
i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

there are moments when i dont know if its real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration
not just another negotiation

i know its probably the soppiest movie that i've seen in a while.. but there's sopmething amazing bout the way this love story develops... Music & lyrics.. its bout how two people can help each other out of their shells, how they can make the other person believe in him/her self again.. how tehy can fill the spaces in each others lives...
and most of all.. its about recognising where your strengths and failings are and how the otehr person can help you through the tough times..

and how you need to show someone that you really care about them.. specially when they feel let down...
sometimes you just put yourself on the line.. if only to show the other person that you want them to know what they mean to you...

brats and the big sis...

a sedentary life would never fit me.. that i always knew.. the last month, particularly the last 2 weeks have REALLY brought home the fact..
Ive been largely immobile.. thanks to a rather silly accident in the kitchen.. that is reason enough for major bouts of frustration since it takes me about a minute to so much as walk from my room to the drawing room. and the brats are having a blast at my expense.. their entertainment is getting on my nerves, now that i cant run after them to beat em black n blue..
they are growing taller.. and stronger.. though i do think that i'm gonna try to convince ma to get them horlicks so they can also become sharper... sharp enough to realise that once i get better.. they'd better watch out...
sigh.. younger siblings are such a pain...

on a happier note.. classes at law fac will start from tuesday and so i shall have an ironclad reason to leave the house.. bandages be damned...

.............................................................................................................

high point of today:

the brats spent nearly a half hour chanting"no chicken" while simulating a hawaiian hula dance... all because i wanted butterchicken for dinner and they decided to refuse anything i wanted to eat....

cant wait for them to hit puberty.. hopefully they'll sober down then...

to sir

ladies and gentlemen, I propose a toast.
in memory of Dr. Anil Wilson. former Principal, St. Stephen's College.
The man who really made a whole generation of students feel at home as they struggled to find a toehold in the traditions of Stephania.
from the loooong stories in the morning assemblies to greeting students by name in main corr.

That long twisted tale of the Hare and the Tortoise shall always be remembered.

may god give you peace and embrace you in his love.

Dr. Wilson passed away this morning at 11 am. the funeral service is at St. James Church, Kashmere Gate at 5 p.m. today. Burial will be at Nichoson Cemetery after the service.

more than words

i've been trying to explain to someone that simply telling the person you love that you love them isn't always enough... specially after things have been messed up bad and there is major need of reassurance... words are definitely not enough... neither is giving up. backing off to give someone time to cool off works on someone who WANTS to cool off... otherwise, it just makes a person feel abandoned. like all that they said about needing to FEEL loved just went through one ear and out the other..
there's the little thngs that can cause huge hurts.. making a joke when the other person is pouring their heart out.. not doing things that u say you would... taking them for granted.. because you know they love you... everyone needs pampering and attention once in a while.. specially after a heavy blow.. not just a litany of "i love you" s that begins to sound like standard greeting after so many years pass..
there's as limit to love... even rhett left scarlett when it got unbearable..

MORE THAN WORDS- EXTREME
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words
is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say
if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

Now Ive tried to talk to you
and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands
and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

clutter

sometimes you wonder if your decisions, your choices are really the right ones.. are u hoding on to something just because u're used to it being around.. however tattered. however broken..

baggage..
physical, spiritual, emotional..
things that weigh you down, make you wonder if you really are what you thought u were...

i read a blogpost sometime back.. either by roop or chandni.. i'm so sorry i've forgotten who it was... about a husband who cheated on his wife when drunk.. n it wasnt so much the sex that destroyed it but the fact that he snuggled up to the other woman n held her hand as they slept...
comfort.. the ease with which he spent the night with someone else is what destroyed them...

there's so much that has hurt.. there's so much i've shrugged off...
what happpens now??

rain......

“Perfect weather to cuddle up and make love don’t you think?” you whisper in my ear as the scent of coming rain grows stronger in the wind whipping at us… Huddled in the auto, I squeeze your hand tighter and look down at our entwined hands… a blush staining my cheeks. It’s been so long since we last made love… I think longingly... then groan…. “Where’s the place? Both your parents and mine would be at home today...”
Arranging our infrequent trysts is so difficult…. or maybe not so tough after all....
“So what?? I can just tell my parents that I’m staying over at your place again… I do it so often that they won’t mind anyway…” I sigh.. yes.. it is so often that you stay over at my house..

We run into the house drenched… mum takes one look at the water dripping off us and sends us straight to my room with instructions to change… we giggle like the silly children that we are to her till I’ve closed my bedroom door.. drenched clothes forgotten as I pull you against the door and kiss you…
Our kisses deepen.. clothes get pushed away..
And mom knocks ..

“Will you girls hurry up already? The food’s getting cold.. Deepa I’ve called your mother and told her that you’re staying here today.. I don’t want you going out in this storm.. now hurry up both of you” she instructs before returning to the dining table.. we look at each other.. entwined on my bed.. and laugh…
“not so difficult now was it??” you laugh.. we quickly put on dry clothes and run out..

We’re still holding hands as we rush to the dining room.. my parents find it really cute..they think of you as a second daughter….
my best friend.. my love.. my lover..

faasle they hazaron darmiyan...

this song tugs at my heart everytime i hear it..
it doesn't matter if you lose the one you love.. the love and the memories always remain...

EUPHORIA- Mehfuz

Zindagi Hai dhuan to kya
Bujh gayi har subah to kya
Rootha mujhse khuda to kya
Ho gaye hum juda to kya
Faasle they hazaaron darmiyan,
Waqt ke they hazaaron imtehaan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan,
Tere honthon ke kisi kone mein Hansi ki tarah
main mehfuz hoon
Teri aankhon ke chipe dard mein Aansoo ki tarah
main mehfuz hoon

Bewajah har wajah to kya
Begunahii hai gunaah to kya
Beasar hai dua to kya
Ho gaye hum juda to kya
Raaz gehre hazaron bepanah
Lafz thehare hazaaron bejubaan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan
Tere hontho ke kisi kone mein Hansi ki tarah
main mehfuz hoon
Tere gesu ke mude pannon mein
Yaadon ki tarah

main mehfuz hoon
Mehfuz hoon Teri aankhon mein
Mehfuz hoonTeri yaadon mein
Mehfuz hoonTeri baaton mein
Mehfuz hoonTere baalon mein
Mehfuz hoon

Faasle the hazaron darmiyaan
Waqt ki thi hazaron aandhiyan
Fir bhi ban ke nishaan
Tere honthon ke kisi kone mein Hansi ke tarah
main mehfuz hoon
Tere kaandhe ke chipe til mein Vaadon ki tarah
main mehfuz hoon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcmOlZKWAOw

a big thank you!!

i opened my blog today to find that my last story ' BREATHE' had been selected to be put on blogadda.com as one of their spicy saturday picks... i just wanted to say thank you to whoever it was who nominated me on it... i owe you a treat.. this was the first time anyone gave me such an amazing bit of encouragement...
THANK YOU!


ps: for some reason i cant get the blogadda label on my blog post.. read a few of the others which hadput it.. so can anyone tyell me how to get that?

i shall write more from now..
:)

breathe...

This post was picked as one of




After years of suffocation... I finally took a clear breath... I felt free
There was nothing tying me down anymore.. nothing that made my eyes drop instead of meeting those in the mirror..
The bruises would fade in a while.. the scars would heal.. and HE would never again threaten me..
I looked once again at his face.. Frozen in the shock of my response to his threats..
“You never thought I would ever develop the backbone to fight back did you?” I threw the question at him as I straightened my clothes... my blouse was torn... my head probably missing a few strands of hair that were still clutched in his hands… my legs were slightly unsteady as I shuffled to the trunk in the corner.. But I felt no pain.. I could finally breathe…

It was a heady moment.. an endless moment.. when I had thought I was marrying the most wonderful man in the world.. who would love me and care for me and we’ll live a happy life forever.. we would have to work hard I knew.. life as teenage runaways had always been hard.. as a newly married couple we would have to work even harder..

The stars were soon replaced by despair in mine… he lost his job in the dhaba where he worked.. My wages as a maid sustained us.. he started drinking to drown his disappointment..
and then I got pregnant..
my work had to stop soon.. I wasn’t going to be able to work for more than two more months before I got too far to work in my pregnant state.. he didn’t get another job.. as the day of delivery drew closer, He began to resent the baby growing inside me. The baby that stopped me from going to work, from doing a lot of the housework.. from sleeping with him..
And things began to go downhill from there.. till a day that he said it out loud.. he hated that baby for how it had changed our life.. I screamed at him in loathing.. and something snapped in him… that was the first time he hit me..
And then he never stopped..
Soon I began to look forward to the days that he would come home too drunk to actually hurt me before falling asleep.. I couldn’t run.. not with the baby so close to coming to this world..

The day my daughter was born was the day I lost my humanity… he took my newborn daughter out of my sleeping hands.. and sold her to someone who wanted a child…
when I woke up.. my womb and my life were empty… I asked for my baby.. begged for her.. but he only laughed at me..
The next day he told me that he was not going to support me any longer.. I was too weak to say anything … he told me I had to do what he said if I ever wanted to see my daughter again… and he took me to the brothel nearby and left me there…

I was not allowed to eat till I had earned my first meal…. The price was the satisfaction of the brothel owner.. he ‘sampled’ every woman who was taken to work there.. I resisted for as long as I could... he finally got his wish when I got too weak to resist.. I lay there semi conscious.. as the owner sated his lust.. I got a bowl of rice and a roti as reward for surviving.. my husband got three hundred rupees.. I had been found acceptable..

My tears or my screams never moved him.. he just dragged me to that tiny room in the late afternoon when the work in the ‘house’ started… I wasn’t given food if a client complained.. the beatings and insults were my only sustenance…

I began to doubt my humanity.. till the day I found out where my daughter was.. he HAD sold her… not to a couple who wanted a child.. but to a runner of beggars who needed another prop.. my baby had finally died at age 5.. when the sahib decided that she needed to be burnt in places to be a more acceptable beggar.. her heart had stopped with the pain the acid brought on…

And my ‘husband’ had just told me that because he thought I was to blame for her weakness… he had kicked me awake to tell me that... taken his belt to beat me because I hadn’t produced a daughter strong enough to survive as a beggar…

I finally lost my desire to live then.. my daughter was no more.. she had been the reason that I had survived this long.. that one day I would see her again and have the life I wanted.. when I would remove him from the clutches of the alcohol that had clouded his senses.. and we would have a family again..

I lost my tenuous hold on my humanity and hope..

I wanted to die.. but he would continue living as he had..

I couldn’t let that happen…

Before I stopped hurting forever.. I had to show him what pain was..

I rallied the last of my breaths.. and threw my plate at his head… it glanced off his throat.. stopped him for a second as he choked.. then he lunged forward and grabbed my hair… pushed me to the floor.. but I still had some strength.. I kicked him in the stomach.. like he had hundreds of times.. showing him just how that felt. Watched him double up in pain like I had so many times.. and I ran to the door.. he caught me and threw me against the dressing table.. the glass shattered behind me.. a shard landed near my hand.. my fingers curled almost unthinkingly around it.. and before I knew it.. the glass was through his heart…

I watched his knees buckle.. watched him fall and twitch and finally be still.. the shock and pain still on his face..

And took my first free breath in years…

how our problems stem from the colonial imposition...

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/pakistans-british-drawn-borders/?ref=asia

and yet even now we look to the west for solutions...

Black or white

Protection
For Gangs, Clubs And Nations
Causing Grief
InHuman Relations
It's A Turf War
On A Global Scale
I'd Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
See, It's Not About Races
Just Places
Faces
Where Your Blood
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Going To Spend
My Life Being A Color

looked up this song as something u could d a jazz dance on.. then rememebred what the lyrics said..
no matter what horrid things micheal jackson may have done in life.. i think THIS is one song i'll always like him for...
Black or white..
funny how no one seems to take popular culture and music seriously...
rather ironic.. don't you think....

rosalie

My hand was hesitant.. trembling..
Should I really do this??
I couldn’t believe it had come down to this... that I had come down to this level… but HE was the one who had done this to me… left me to die bleeding on the street. My beauty destroyed.. broken.. and someone had saved me…
Restored that beauty.. increased it a hundredfold.. I was now the most beautiful thing on earth..

I saw my reflection in his terrified eyes.. fool that he was.. he thought I was a ghost.. brought on by the alcohol that rode in his bloodstream.. he had screamed.. yes.. i had to make sure he screamed more than I had on that fateful night..

He’d broken me into pieces.. Destroyed me.. And left me to die in the street.. I, Rosalie Hale.. The most beautiful woman on earth.. Had been destroyed by this weak creature who I’d believed to be my prince…
I smiled.. my hand shook no longer.. I knew I had to finish him.. without spilling any blood..
I couldn’t let even a drop spill.. it would wreck my concentration…
I still hadn’t mastered my instincts as a vampire.. Carlisle had drummed the rules into my head.. but a single drop would make the work difficult.. I held my breath

I didn’t need to breathe anymore.. this monster crawling on the floor had stolen my life.. my life as a carefree, happy girl.. now I was beyond death
I was HIS death..

His panicked eyes took in the white dress that floated around my feet.. the bridal veil on my head.. remnants of a dream that HE had stolen from me..

Hello.. remember me?? Your fiancée.. the one you and your friends left to die.
He whimpered.. in fear.. in pain..

I picked him up by his hair.. u remember how you had pulled my hat off my head that night?? The pins had pulled some of my hair with them.. I had cried out.. and you laughed!

He could see my eyes now… I hadn’t yet gained the soft gold colour that my adoptive father had… they were still red.. the red of the blood I could now smell coming from his broken mouth…
My instincts flared… I was thirsty… but I controlled it..
THIS creature’s blood will never go into me… I will NOT degrade myself that way…

You remember your friends? The ones who stood around and laughed as you hit me?? Helped you rip at my clothes that evening?
He couldn’t speak… ofcourse he couldn’t… but he did remember.. I could see it in his eyes…
“n.. I ...” he managed to stammer..

Well.. you’re going to see them again soon… I told him pleasantly..
His eyes widened further in fear.. he had just caught a glimpse of his guards.. hanging from the chandelier..
Oh no my king.. u will not have it that easy.. .
I promised him softly..
You thought you were royalty didn’t you? A King! You should be anointed shouldn’t you..
He screamed again as I poured the oil..
"Yes.. burns doesn’t it?? So did i.." I told him
I can’t feel pain now.. but the venom had burnt worse than this when I gained my new life.. how carlisle had apologized for the pain.. He didn’t know I would welcome it later.. for this chance of revenge..… he’d found me bleeding on the street.. and taken to me to his house.. bitten me… made me immortal.. adopted me as a daughter..


I poured some more.. the smell was wonderful… his screams were beginning to get louder.. someone would hear soon.. I didn't want that.. he couldn’t escape me now..
I wanted to draw it out further.. but I ended it..
I snapped his neck.. and threw a match on the anointed king..

No blood…
My revenge was complete..






my obsession with Twilight continues...

missed chance

“I waited… but never got a response…
Did u know that? Did you know I was standing right there just to see that maybe you would turn around…”
The crowds had rolled around them as she had walked away.. he had stood where they had last been together, hoping that the smile that had given him the chance to hope would return to her face.. she had danced away oblivious to the turmoil in his heart

“But I did turn around.. every few seconds.. you were too busy looking to see if the bus had come yet.. after the first time we waved to each other across the road..”

Her heart was racing as she turned to see him once more.. a smile on her lips in anticipation of his reaction.. she was going to blow him a kiss.. she didn’t care what the gathered millions would think of them.. “this generation….” Would probably have been the most popular sentiment
But she didn’t care

He was there.. like he had always been.. but he wasn’t looking at her.. dismayed.. she turned back.. right at the moment that he had looked up to hope..


“hey.. I was thinking..”
The night passed by in whispers…

“What if..”
“What if. What?”

Er.. what if this was what we had both been waiting for??”
“this??” us… he means us????
Her breathing hitched..
"Er… I don’t really know.. "

Oh hell.. was that the wrong thing to say..?? no no I wont mess this up
“I meant us as being in the same place again priya.. u know.. I really really missed you..” his heart was throbbing as the words dropped from his lips..

she stopped breathing...
“uh.. yeah.. right back at you sweetheart.. u’ve been the best friend I could ever ask for”

hunger

the hunger gnawed at my senses.. i couldn't think of anything but how much i wanted to reach out and touch.. to take... there was no way i was going to let this moment go.. had waited for this moment so long.. forever i thought.. thats how long i've waited for this...

and now i was going to have it.. what i had been waiting so long for...

i reached out with a tentative hand.. and held on to the object of my desires.. my lips parted in anticipation as i drew it nearer to me...

ahh.... how i love dark chocolate...

Emily

it hurt when i moved.. the skin pulling... it even opened up again sometimes.. bled.. i tried to hide it from sam.. he would never forgive himself for giving me these scars...
i sometimes wished i could have seen his thoughts when the frenzy had subsided and he'd seen what he'd done.. not that i don't know how he felt.. still feels... how he forces himself to stay calm even when he's so disturbed that his body could phase without counscious thought..
i thought about jacob and bella.. he was so worried for her.. thought of her all the time.. his brothers could see nothing but her in his thoughts... and she was beginning to look human again.. happier... i really wished that she would forget about him... the bloodsucker... Jake needed her so...
he was the reason why these boys had changed.. but then... if they had not come.. i would not have my sam...
loving a werewolf isn't always easy...


........................

i'm SOOOO obsessed with the Twilight series rt now....
though i really really wished that bella would end up with Jake... i mean.. edward is incredibly hot and he loves her... but he's such a control freak.. jake lets her be herself.. he lets her face her fears and live a life she wants.. unlike edward who doesn't realise how he's pushing her till the very end...
n i love the way he says in Eclipse... "we would have been together if the world was as it is supposed to be. a world without monsters and magic"


.........................

oh hell... i just read this leaked version of Midnight sun- twilight told through edward's point of view.. n all of a sudden.. i'm not so unhappy with edward.. dammit!!! but mind reading and poisonous fangs apart... i still think Jake's way nicer...

n i was told by a friend that bella n edward have a child in Breaking Dawn... i'm still wondering how the hell that happened since vampires aren't supposed to be able to breed like humans... thats the biggest reason rosalie and esme want to be human again... coz they have a rather strong mothering instinct that they cannot do anything about... well.. i guess i'll just have to read breaking dawn to figure it out.. maybe stephanie meyer forgot the whole birds and bees lecture she should've gotten in her teens... HOW in heaven's name does someone who'se frozen solid father a child?????????

forever...

“I love you.. don’t know why I waited so long to say that..
But you always did know right?? U always knew how I felt.. and yet I could never bring myself to say it..”
Tears rolled down his cheeks… she stared stolidly away..
“Please… please look at me.. just once..
I know I hurt you terribly… I know I should’ve been there.. annie.. please… just once.. answer me..”
He took her hand in his... she didn’t even flinch.. It was as if she couldn’t feel him there...
Her hands were as cold as her eyes...

“I’m sorry my love.. I know I should have come.. I should’ve never let that horrible man take you away…”
he cringed as he looked again at the bruises that shone on her pale skin…. The dark circles that ringed her eyes…


They had been the best of friends.. they had been in love.. but he had never told her that.. when anyone asked.. he just shrugged and said.. “she’s my best friend.. that’s all..”
Her parents had never really approved.. but they could see that they were happy together.. so they never said anything.. neither did he..

The silence stretched... became more and more unbearable… she asked what was wrong.. “nothing really.. its just that I’m gonna move away soon.. I have a great job offer .. in delhi..”
She stilled in the darkness… the Arabian sea continued to fling itself at the rocks behind them..
“how long will you be away??” she asked.. “Don’t know.. a few years maybe..” he refused to meet her eyes.. “We’ll still be friends right??” he still couldn’t meet her eyes as he asked her. The one question he never should... and didn’t ask the one question he should have asked years ago...
“Of course...” her voice broke…

One last hug.. and the plane took him away from the warmth of her presence..

Then the call came..

“I’m getting married.. my engagement is next week.. will you come??” her voice sounded cheery… too cheery.. but he pretended not to notice..
“of course I would… wouldn’t miss it for the world!” his laugh was even higher than hers..

A brighjtly lit hall.. friends and family.. the radiant bride to be.. and the groom… tall.. smiling.. unknown…
The ring rested on her finger… she now belonged to him..

“hey.. congrats…” he turned to him..
“we’ve never met before.. I’m her best friend..” he turned to her.. looked through her… “heya buddy.. I’m SO happy for you..”
The scent of the flowers choked him.. Nauseated her… but their smiles never wavered…
“Thanks a ton.. I would’ve been really angry if u hadn’t come..”
“wouldn’t miss it for the world babes.. its Your big day”

They couldn’t eat…
One last hug.. and he left again… leaving her staring at his retreating back…

“u okay?” she turned towards the sound.. pasted another snile on her face.. “ofcourse papa.. its my engagement.. I’m totally happy..”


The phone rang

“hey… I need my best friend back here.. my wedding’s in three weeks… u’ll come and help me prepare right..”
“of course I will.. if I can get a week off.. will come as soon as I can”

He worked harder than he ever had in life… work consumed him. It was much easier to pretend that your heart was unbroken if you never really looked at life…

the date came closer..
“oh god… she’s getting married tomorrow… I can’t go.. I have to go.. I can NOT see her as someone else’s bride..”

The phone rang..

“hey.. u coming for the wedding tomorrow rt?”
“um.. dunno priya.. I just don’t think I can somehow… u think she’ll be okay??”
“what do you think??”
“I don’t know what to think anymore… she doesn’t know what I feel anyway..”
“you really think she doesn’t?? do YOU kneo how SHE feels?? Did u ever ask her??”
“I couldn’t.. it would’ve never been okay.. her parents..”
“damn her parents.. its about the two of you.. don’t you understand that?”
“i.. I cant… I cant do that to her.. she’s getting married tomorrow..”
“fine then.. be stubborn.. I can’t help anymore.. its between you n her.. n for the record… she IS miserable right now..”

He hung up…

The phone rang again.. it was her..

“I’m getting married tomorrow.. are you coming??” her voice was small..
“I… I’m not sure… er… work you know..”
“okay.. I see… well.. goodbye then.. I guess I’ll never see you again now...”

She hung up… he stared at the phone..
Her goodbye was so final…

He stared at the phone.. couldn’t take his eyes off it.. the sun’s rays slowly illuminated the room.. he still sat.. still as stone…

The phone rang again…

“nikhil!!” her voice was urgent,… screaming..
He could only grunt a response…
“nikhil… u have to come to mumbai… today!! Its annie… she.. she swallowed a bottle ful of pain killers.. she’s in the ICU…. The doctors say she won’t make it… nikhil. Are you there????? She asked for you… she only spoke once and she asked for you….. nikhil… NIKHIL!!!”

The phone fell from his hands… he ran… tears streamed down his face..
The plane took off... he willed to it go faster… priya was at the airport.. waiting…
“is she….” He couldn’t say anymore… her face told him everything…

“can you make this car go any faster!!!” he couldn’t wait… his throat felt parched… every cell in his body knew that he was racing toward something he was going to lose…

The doors opened with a crash…

She was there… pale against the white sheets… her eyes held his as he fell next to her bed..

“I should have come.. I know.. its all my fault sweetheart.. Please just look at me once.. I’ll take you away from it all I promise….”
Just once.. please please talk to me….”

He pleaded.. cried.. but she still refused to look at him… he felt hands on his back.. a doctor’s white covered arm reached towards her…
And closed her eyes..
Forever…

.......................................................................................................................

Drungs don't work- The verve

All this talk of getting old

It's getting me down my love

Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown

This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me

As you lay down on your side

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak

'Cause I passed down my old street

And if you wanna show, then just let me know

And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls,

I'm coming, too Just like you said,

you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old

It's getting me down my love

Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown

This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls,

I'm coming, too

Just like you said,

you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show,

just let me know

And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down No more, no more, no more, no more, no more I'm never coming down, I'm never going down No more, no more, no more, no more, no more

120...

OMG!!!!
i just realised... i'd crossed 100 posts and four years of the blog quite a while back..
so here's the 120th post..

tinni, abby, ansh, noor, ankit.. thanks all of you for encouraging my initial blogging enthusiasm... and to the new freinds ive found on the blogosphere.. Indyeah, usha, IHM, solilo, poonam.. hope u guys stay with me awhile..

..................................................................................
this was something i wrote a long long time ago... containing something that was written by someone else even earlier
seems apt somehow....


It seems like..
such a long time ago
that you first held my hand
and said you love me
and i looked into your eyes
saw the love in your smile..
and i gave you my heart
forever for keepimg

stick with me
please stick with me
we've made it this far
how much farther can it be...

http://www.expressindia.com/latest-news/Pak-teenager-denies-being-flogged-by-Taliban/443686/


how do people live with this kind of fear?? the girl who was shown being flogged en camera now denies such a thing ever happened... just coz it would be bad poublicity for the taliban...

conversely... IF the damned video was a fake... HOW in the world did they use her in it?? teh people in the video were identified by the media as locals,.. one even as her brother.. according to news reports... n now she says it never happened.. AND she does not want to appear in court...
could we, people who live in a freer society where we never have to worry bout men with guns flogging us publically just because we were seen with a man.. ever understand what she may be going through???
can ANYONE ever help such girls?? her presence in the video must have brought more anger on her... because the people who did this to her will anyway blame HER.. even though she was pinned down n being beaten.. n had no control over what was being done to her..

how do they live with themselves?? those animals who think nothing of cruelly assaulting innocents in teh name of order... how do they face their mothers, sisters, wives..?? can they really look at themselves in the mirror and not feel guilty?? is fanaticism really that potent a drug?

all through history, there have been cruel armies, bands of vagabonds who have looted, pillaged, raped and killed... how do they really live with themselves??
do they not feel guilt? remorse? sadness? arethey really so disconnected.. so far above the rest of the world that the suffering of those who they hurt has absolutely no impact on them???

makes me sick.. teh idea of people hurting another with that brutality...


as an intern in a news agency once i was asked to do an article on teh armed forces.. the thing i came up with, said my senior, was coloured with the rose tinted glasses i wore when looking at the forces.. "sure, they are patriotic and brave and fearless my child.. but thats not what u have to write about.. what YOU have to bring out is the kind of brutality that they have to make themselves immune to.."
i couldnt do the story... not after my senior sat me down and told me things he's heard from freinds in teh forces.. how they're trained to live in a jungle, killikng their own food, how some sections are trained to withstand torture by going through a short session thereof...

n i read... frederick forsyth, alistair mclain, robert ludlum, tom clancy.. i read them all..

how easy it is for a human being to forget how to care for others.. how quickly one adapts to hurting others when its a choice of 'me or them'...
and yet i cannot understand it

brutality, selfishness..
and we see it everyday.. all day..
on tv, in real life, in books, newspapers...

children being beaten up by enraged employers, women burnt for money, the taliban, the ram sene, the mafia, people who huirt and kill for profit, for political supremacy.. for relieving their own tensions..
and we accept..
accept it all because its so ingrained.. "us against them" "survival of the fittest"

how do we do it?? turm away from sufferiung after offering nothing but a prayer of thanks that it isnt happeing to us.. turn away to save ourselves..

i asked how those who hurt can look at themselves in the mirror..

and now i find that I'm having trouble meeting my eyes...

closure...

"he closed the door on me...!!!!!"
"so what? isn't that what you wanted?? for him to leave...."

"yeah but what really really irks me is that HE closed the door.."
"whats wrong with that? u're the one who told him to leave.."

"yeah i know..
but I didnt get to close the door in HIS face......."

(its 56 words... is that allowed??)

अनकही बातें दिल में ज़ख्म कर जाती हैं

अनकही बातें दिल के किसी कोने में जा के बैठ जाती हैं

फिर वहीँ पे धीरे धीरे घर बना पत्थर बन जाती हैं

दिल का एक कोना भरा भरा सा लगता है

उन चट्टानों कि दरारों से दरियाएं आती हैं

दरियाओं में घुल जाते हैं हिम्मतों के बाँध

फिर नज़रों से अश्कों के झरने बह जाते हैं।

THE 55 word story....MY take

"hey sweetheart.. whats up?"
"nuthin babes.. watching this really silly movie called juno.. sister talked me into it.. I really don't get HOW these people just randomly get pregnant after a one night thing.. i mean..no such thing ever happened to anyone I know.. right??"
"um.. i have to tell you something.."
"what?"
"I'm pregnant"

shadow in the light

it happens sometimes...
in a roomful of laughter
that a sigh escapes me
a memory intrudes
words trigger images
emotions
and i run from my memories

.......................................................................................

ankhon ankhon mein kuch baatein kahi jaati hain..
baton baton mein zindagi likhi jati hai
likhte likhte jane kya khayal aye
ek sawal se ashk ki jhadi beh jati hai

Pope, in Africa, Says Condoms Aren’t the Way to Fight H.I.V.

Shows how much they really know about ground realities doesn't it...
when their 'moral superiority' is bigger than logic and human aid... its teh same stupid belief taht says that male lust will be controlled only if women are kept veiled... that says taht untouchables are 'dirty' because of teh family they are born in.. let alone the fact that teh family may have left the 'traditional' occupation aeons ago... its teh same mind numbingly dogmatic ideas that put teh onus on the woman for 'inciting rape'...

a huge part of africa is currently in the grip of an AIDS epidemic.. and tyhe pope says condoms are irreligious bacause they "encourage amoral behaviour"... hello??? u really think that the poor souls who've gotten the disease from their spouses didn't deserve a chance to remain unaffected??? abstinence and chastity are one thing.. but what about teh hundreds and thousands of women and men who have been affected because their spouse already had teh virus from somewhere... millions of women in africa are victims of rape.. does a man who married one NOT deserve a chance to stay perotected from the disease?? millions of women are affected because their husbands have had multiple sexual partners.. why should these women suffer????

hell yeah pope.. preach abstinence all you want... but don't discourage the use of something that will ultimately help mankind...

sexier than a sukhoi 30

Recently a friend described the object of his affections as being "sexier than a SU- 30".. now while THAT line.. coming from the guy is high compliment indeed... it got me thinking... hm.. the sukhoi IS definitely one helluva aircraft... i mean.. look at the way it flies.. the power.. the sheer looks..

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/261904/su_30_flanker/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Su-30

and then i remembered another beauty that had caught my fancy...
ladies and gentlemen.. may i present... the beauty thats DEFINITELY sexier than a SU 30....
the SR 71 Blackbird....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SR-71_Blackbird

sure... its now been retired and its more of a museum piece... but it was the most amazing thing when it was new... and there's something bout this thing that makes me catch my breath everytime i see a picture...

ofcourse there are others... the MiGs, the Falcons, the hornets.. oh... n talking bout aircraft.. THIS is a weird looking thing.. the Aurora..

..

looks more like a bat than a plane doesnt it????

or maybe a bucking dolphin...

siggghhhh... wish i could see these up close....

ADDITION..... a friend recommended i look at another awsome plane ..

the F117 Nighthawk...

take a look people...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-117_Nighthawk

http://www.fas.org/programs/ssp/man/uswpns/air/attack/f117a.html

tum chalo toh hindustan chale..

something i found on Solilo's blog...
how its really upto the people to take a stand and change things.. stop depending upon politicians and police.. its a lovely video.. ive forgotten where i saw it initially but i'm quite sure i've seen it earlier on tv... its amazing...

watch it


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syYgTeAFgfU&eurl=http://mesoliloquy.wordpress.com/&feature=player_embedded

pehli holi!!

रंग दो पिया मोहे ऐसे रंग में॥ कि सारी उम्र वोह छूटे ना...

with two new members of the family.. a bhabi and a jiju this year.. this holi has an extra frisson of excitement... the entire extended family.. all of my grandfather's siblings and their children and grandchildren.. together under one roof.. colours are being thrown about inside the house.. and all teh married women of the family.. assorted chachis, taijis, dadis and bhabis.. are having a whale of a time pouring colour on the men and the children...

its weird though... its in the midst of a family full of giddy people that i feel the most alone... the holi play is going on right outside the room where i'm typing in... i can hear shouts of delight as the newly inducted jiju is getting pelted with colour.. whats happened to the new bhabi is something i'll see once i bother to leave the confines of this room.. last new bride that i remember got three raw eggs and a bucketful of coloured water.. AND a bottle of pepsi on her head... yeah we play a rather messy holi..

its wierd for me though... as the daughter of the house.. i have no role to play in the initial beginning when the ritual of the 'rang pashi' when the daughters in law put colour on the men.. is done.. since most of the fracas begins there itself.. i always feel rather cut off.. used to enjoy this as a kid actually.. the abovementioned raw eggs were owl's idea.. and being big brother.. he'd dispatched ME to the kitchen to get them...

three generations of the family are gathered in the house rt now.. from my grandfather adn his siblings to my cousins.. everyone is excited.. happy... the color unites us all.. and i'm here in a secluded room.. in my pristine cream and pink kurta...
somehow over the years teh charm of throwing coloyr and water.. and assorted kitchen items at people has worn off...
last year was teh first time i played in college.. th edesire for mudpits and bhang was taken care of then... now there's really nothing left...
i feel like i'm hanging in limbo... my elder sis who got married in july is having fun teasing her hubby and commenting on everything.. the younger ones are still young enough to laugh at and participate in everything...

am i really THAT jaded?? that aloof??
my new bhabi walked in on me reading a book at the beginning of the evening.. i told her i'm usually that antisocial.. she and her husband live somewhat away from the family so it was the first time we'd met after her wedding in september... my new jiju.. who owing to my closeness to sis knows me rather well dragged me outta the room...

there was a time when she used to understand my dilemma in a family gathering.. my sis.. where do I fit in in the family groups?? now that she's married.. she's got constant company.. AND she fits in with the rest of teh married ones when they discuss home hearth and husbands.. I cant fit there.. not with the chachis who have increasingly taken to bugging me bout being old enuf to get married.. not with the rest of the kids... i end up squabbling with the older ones who are still atleast 3 years younger than me.. where do I stand?? who do i stand and comment with?? owl isnt here.. the rest are in their own cliques.. vin and anu.. who are the next after me... 3 and 6 years younger than me.. are each other's company... the youngest.. a rather precocious 3 year old.. doesnt need constant babysitting anymore... the middle lot is all togethre.. and much too young for me to hang out with...

it used to be fun...

life does not have an 'undo' button...

there is so much that can be said in the darkness of the night... when u're a few drinks down and feel the last of your inhibitions melt away..
things said, unsaid.. can a night's conversation be undone??
or forgotten in the light of the day??

things happen.. words are spoken.. emotions given vent.. in the dark embrace of the night...
light spreads a blanket of silence again.. things that can be shouted about in the dark can only be given a whispered outlet..
and you open your mind to what the light exposes..
the cracks, the disfigurments, the chasms between hope and reality that seem easy enough to jump over in the darkness now yawn open.. endless, bottomless.. with their own darkness peering up..

and you wonder..
can words be unsaid?? can actions be undone?