the futility of life and death

The crowd cheered and clapped and shouted with relieved vengeance today as the four rapist-murderers were sentenced to hang. People shouted bloodthirsty slogans calling for stricter punishment for the juvenile.

I don't know what it says about us as a society that we ask for bloody vengeance when shaken out of our stupor but live in a fog of acceptance to everyday harassment.

I am a reporter, I am a woman living in Delhi.

As a reporter, it is my job to meet strangers and go places. As a woman, i travel with a purse large enough that it can cover my torso/ back when taking public transport and carry pepper spray in a pocket. The spray has thankfully never been used, the bag serves its purpose every day.

Am i happy that these men who tore at that hapless girl like beasts will now hang? Yes.

Even if the idea of killing makes me uneasy, i am used to the idea that rabid dogs must be put down, and an animal which has tasted blood will forever seek it.

But who is this animal that's tasted blood??

After the gleeful protesters left the court and the police slowly began retreating, it was only a handful of reporters and random people on the road outside the Saket court. And on that empty road as I walked towards the exit, some unknown man deliberately walked up behind me, bumped into my arm, and kept walking as if nothing had happened.

There was at least 10 ft of empty space on every side around me.. And yet he walked close enough to touch my hand.

Less than 30 minutes after protesters shouted slogans for women's safety and death to rapists. less than 50 meters from where the protesters gathered.

I don't know who that man was.

I didn't even react to his behaviour because its been drilled into me since childhood to not react, step away and walk on.

And today especially i feel violated more than ever.

What was the point of these protests and the sentence and the so called sensitization for the past year??

Who does this death sentence serve as a deterrent for??

nirbhaya

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away...
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the songs says 'dream on'
i hear something completely different..
I can see them, hear them.. the don't expect me survive, but they're terrified to let me die.. I am too stubborn to let go... the world will erupt in flames if i do, don't you know..

My heart gave out twice, they pumped it back on, my body has been torn to shreds, by the monsters who my champions are out to kill, and a little bit by the healers in their quest to sew me back together again and defy god...

They were out on the streets fighting for me just yesterday, those who stood by and watched as i bled out, almost to the point of dying... they've adopted me as their new inspiration.. I am 'Nirbhaya" the fearless one, their "amanat.' their legacy..

 i am the image that they have of a fighter who will live despite everyone wishing for her death, despite how badly those wolves tore my body... Now new wolves are out hunting my scent.. they are the ones who will lick up teh spilled blood from the streets and feed their war machines with it. the propaganda will go out, loud and strong.. there will be proud men in prouder uniforms, telling the world that they fought off the monsters, they made the world safe for me and my sisters, so that when i finally do leave this world, my fighters won't set them on fire..

I can hear them chanting outside my window.. those who 'fight for me'.. they don't care that the didn't bother to raise their voice before mine was destroyed. they don't care that the wolves they fight lurk amongst them, they don't notice the tattered wool that clings to the wolves they see as sheep.. they even ignore the screams of my sisters who are being snatched away by different bands of wolves even as they continue their chants for my good health...

I do dream you know... i still live.. i dream of a day that i went out with a friend, had a fun evening, and went back to my parents unmolested.. i dream of a day that i walked across a road to my sister without the laughter of a hyena or the growl of a wolf behind my back.. i dream of a time when they would fight off the wolves and not sit back and watch as they tore at me, encouraging them with their indifference and their contempt for 'my kind'. i dream of setting up and walking and talking and acting like a human being.. i dream of being treated like a thinking, feeling, LIVING human being with the right to travel within my city without their eyes following me in the darkness..


and i dream on... till that dream comes true...

wake up! its not just the police, its us too...

"protest' they say, 'Raise your voice', 'down with government", "down with police and inefficient justice"... does anyone remember that a whole lot of bystanders, the so called "PEOPLE" stood by and stared while the rape victim and her friend were bleeding on the road and inching towards death...???? Civility, civic sense are dead.. social values are dead, what use is your 'outrage' when you still don't stop to help someone in desperate need? what price 'humanity' when you are so quick to judge a girl whose doing nothing except walking down a street, accompanied by a boy?

There's a 23 year old battling for life after having been brutalized by 6-7 men in a moving bus. Her friend, a boy who offered to drop her home as Delhi is 'too unsafe' had to stay in the hospital too because he was beaten with iron rods for trying to stop the drunken men from teasing his friend. there is 'outrage' and 'protests' and talk of death penalty for rape..
and everyone knows that this too shall die down... courts and NGOs and activists have been saying for years that we need to revise rape laws, make provisions for quicker disposal, stricter punishment... when we don't even have the legal provisions punish the sheer horror that this episode was.. it wasn't just a sexual assault, it was a concerted, sickening show of violence against the girl and the boy for standing up to the men who were 'teasing' her. 
She has been beaten, raped, given nearly irreparable internal injuries, hanging on to life by a thread and fighting to stay alive.. and the most the laws can do is book them for attempted murder.. we don't have provisions for punishing aggravated sexual assault, we have procedures that ensure that these cases drag on for years even in the 'fast track' courts which still take two years to decide 'fast track' cases.. 
and we have politicians and political wannabes and publicity hounds who do stupid things like 'visit the victim and her family' at the hospital where she is battling for her life, for the sake of a photo op..

we have 'the people' who will scream and protest and write blogs but will not bother to slow down and stop at the side of the road when there's a bleeding body slumped on the sidewalk.. who won't bother to give basic medical aid or even a cloth to cover up a semi nude, battered person lying before them.. 
we have people who are asking why they 'stepped onto a private bus?' or 'why were they out so late'? 9 pm is late??? thats when all offices start closing!! why would anyone NOT step onto a public bus that is taking passengers, with a conductor shouting out the destination and selling tickets? the problem is with the attitude of 'why bother'.. the problem is with this inertia... you shout and protest and make a big to do about it, and the next morning when some other news breaks you move on to the next topic... questions of basic safety, civic sense, morality remain unanswered... 
and a woman gets harassed or hurt every day....

here's something i saw on IHM's Blog about the attitude of people in this country towards women..

so just what are they teaching the police in the so called "sensitization sessions"

Here is a quick reckoner. In 2010, as many as 414 rape cases were reported in Delhi, the highest among 35 major cities in the country. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), the conviction rate in rape cases in the capital was a dismal 34.6 percent.

In a two-week long investigation, Tehelka undercover reporters posing as research scholars, visited 23 stations across the NCR and spoke to more than 30 policemen with experience of 20-30 years.

cover story in TEHELKA magazine

NDTV report

Seventeen senior cops of over a dozen police stations across Gurgaon, Noida, Ghaziabad and Faridabad were caught on spy camera blaming everything from fashionable or revealing clothes to having boyfriends to visiting pubs to consuming alcohol to working alongside men as the main reasons for instances of rape. 'It's always the woman who is at fault' was in essence the argument offered by a majority of the cops. Many of them believe that genuine rape victims never approach the police and those who do are basically extortionists or have loose moral values. Others believe that the women from Northeast could never be victims of forced sex as they are invariably involved in the flesh trade. Even more shockingly, some of them are of the view that if a woman has consensual sex with one man, then she shouldn't complain if his friends also join in. If a woman is doing late hours at the office then she had it coming... and the arguments keep coming.

misogynistic and completely ridiculous arguments from people who would rather blame the victim than do their actual job.

Yes i agree that there are a shocking number of false cases filed as far as sexual crimes are concerned.. but that doesn't mean that one dismisses real concerns out of hand, and it REALLY doesn't mean that a woman out of the house alone is "asking for it"

The Dignity of Court

I pray for the indulgence of the HONORABLE court and my esteemed colleagues and seniors, but as a woman, I present this case solely from the woman's perspective.

One would imagine the Delhi High Court to be full of well educated, genteel people who twist and turn the interpretations of the Law to suit their clients' interests. However, today I learnt that no matter what you may perceive on seeing the black coat and gown and band, the MAN triumphs over the Gentleman.... Today, 13th January 2012, a Male Advocate of the Delhi High Court first misbehaved with and then slapped a Lady advocate IN court.
there may ofcourse exist numerous variations in the story depending on one's political/gendered/hearsay perspective. the facts on record so far stand thus:

There were two lawyers, one male and one Female present before the Joint Registrar's Court, a crowded room, presenting arguments over a matter.
The gentleman in question jostled against the lady, who told him to stand back.
the gentleman after a heated altercation, put his hand on the lady's chest and pushed her. More than once.
The lady slapped him
the gentleman slapped her in retaliation...

There were several people present in court and the number of slaps and the number of pushes are unclear. There are several versions of this story.

But the facts that each story contains are.
he touched her- she slapped him- he slapped her back.

You would expect any person who accidentally brushes against you to simply apologise and move away. this man didn't. He  got aggressive- he pushed her, touching her Breast in the process. and instead of apologising, shouted at her and slapped her!

the registrar after some efforts to pacify the situation there reported the matter to the Chief Justice of the Delhi High court. the CJ, after hearing both sides and a few other people who were present on the scene held the man in Contempt of Court and punished him. His punishment- Judicial Custody for 7 days and Disbarment for 2 months.

and the High court erupted.
there were many many male lawyers who were outraged at the fact that a lady lawyer had slapped a man in court. several others refused to let a member of the Bar be sent to Jail.
To their credit, there were many more lawyers who felt that the man in question had been sent off lightly after he had compromised the dignity of the Court,

but as of Five PM, the order sending this man to jail had not been passed. There was an active lobby trying to ensure that he didn't go to jail, and there were people questioning the credentials of the Lady in question and dismissing her complaint as false... The Chief Justice was trying to create a compromise wherein the man tendered an apology and the Jail sentence could be dismissed.

 Worse still, elements of regionalism, sexism and communalism had crept in to the discussion.
the Man belongs to Bihar- The woman shouldn't have slapped him

Is THAT what is more important than the fact that a so called officer or the court had seriously misbehaved with a Lady officer of the Court?

A woman has been molested and humiliated in front of colleagues, clients and court officials. And there are people protesting against punishing the Man responsible!
what message does that send out to the men of this country? do whatever you want and just say sorry, all will be forgiven?? or that if you're aggressive enough and shout enough we'll make sure the women shut up and not say a word when you molest them?


EDITED TO ADD------------------------

The advocate concerned was finally sent to Judicial custody for 7 days and disbarred for 2 months.