pehli holi!!

रंग दो पिया मोहे ऐसे रंग में॥ कि सारी उम्र वोह छूटे ना...

with two new members of the family.. a bhabi and a jiju this year.. this holi has an extra frisson of excitement... the entire extended family.. all of my grandfather's siblings and their children and grandchildren.. together under one roof.. colours are being thrown about inside the house.. and all teh married women of the family.. assorted chachis, taijis, dadis and bhabis.. are having a whale of a time pouring colour on the men and the children...

its weird though... its in the midst of a family full of giddy people that i feel the most alone... the holi play is going on right outside the room where i'm typing in... i can hear shouts of delight as the newly inducted jiju is getting pelted with colour.. whats happened to the new bhabi is something i'll see once i bother to leave the confines of this room.. last new bride that i remember got three raw eggs and a bucketful of coloured water.. AND a bottle of pepsi on her head... yeah we play a rather messy holi..

its wierd for me though... as the daughter of the house.. i have no role to play in the initial beginning when the ritual of the 'rang pashi' when the daughters in law put colour on the men.. is done.. since most of the fracas begins there itself.. i always feel rather cut off.. used to enjoy this as a kid actually.. the abovementioned raw eggs were owl's idea.. and being big brother.. he'd dispatched ME to the kitchen to get them...

three generations of the family are gathered in the house rt now.. from my grandfather adn his siblings to my cousins.. everyone is excited.. happy... the color unites us all.. and i'm here in a secluded room.. in my pristine cream and pink kurta...
somehow over the years teh charm of throwing coloyr and water.. and assorted kitchen items at people has worn off...
last year was teh first time i played in college.. th edesire for mudpits and bhang was taken care of then... now there's really nothing left...
i feel like i'm hanging in limbo... my elder sis who got married in july is having fun teasing her hubby and commenting on everything.. the younger ones are still young enough to laugh at and participate in everything...

am i really THAT jaded?? that aloof??
my new bhabi walked in on me reading a book at the beginning of the evening.. i told her i'm usually that antisocial.. she and her husband live somewhat away from the family so it was the first time we'd met after her wedding in september... my new jiju.. who owing to my closeness to sis knows me rather well dragged me outta the room...

there was a time when she used to understand my dilemma in a family gathering.. my sis.. where do I fit in in the family groups?? now that she's married.. she's got constant company.. AND she fits in with the rest of teh married ones when they discuss home hearth and husbands.. I cant fit there.. not with the chachis who have increasingly taken to bugging me bout being old enuf to get married.. not with the rest of the kids... i end up squabbling with the older ones who are still atleast 3 years younger than me.. where do I stand?? who do i stand and comment with?? owl isnt here.. the rest are in their own cliques.. vin and anu.. who are the next after me... 3 and 6 years younger than me.. are each other's company... the youngest.. a rather precocious 3 year old.. doesnt need constant babysitting anymore... the middle lot is all togethre.. and much too young for me to hang out with...

it used to be fun...