I have always been a bit unobservant and allowed the sharp edges of the world to blur out a bit when I care to look at it... rather daft for someone in my profession but it is what it is...
one of the ways it has manifested, and it was a part unconscious and part conscious decision at some point in my life.. was to not ask about a person's background.. Now one reason was that being in the college that I was at with the people I was surrounded by, it was just easier to consciously stop considering my friends' backgrounds because it would have made things rather uncomfortable for me had I focused more on WHO they were instead of who THEY were..
today however I realised that the malaise goes deeper.. not that it affects my friendships one whit, but I found out today that someone I've known for a very very long time is connected to circles that I with my family background would not have easily gained access to, or for that matter, felt comfortable, in a social situation, had I known what I was getting into..
a schoolfriend who I have known since before puberty set in got married over the weekend.. Now when we were kids, it never mattered what someone's parents did for a living because we were friends from school who rarely if ever met the parents of other schoolfriends... the people who made up the "family" guest list at the wedding were a surprise to me.. though i suppose I could have asked questions a lot earlier considering the wedding venue and other things... It had just never occurred to me to ask him "bhai what do your parents do?"
mind you, knowing the answer to "do you know who my father is" in today's context has no bearing whatsoever on my relationship with my friend.. but it was rather disconcerting to walk into the gathering, specially as I knew no one except the groom.
whats even stranger is that KS who has been one of my best friends for years now, has connections in this group that made me feel even more of an "outsider"..
I've never really bothered to be conscious of the "social structures" and my place in it vis a vis my background.. Its just the first time in a very very long time that I am acutely conscious of it all..
to cite Jane Austen's world, being a Gentleman's daughter doesn't automatically mean you're ready to mingle with the "Ton"
one of the ways it has manifested, and it was a part unconscious and part conscious decision at some point in my life.. was to not ask about a person's background.. Now one reason was that being in the college that I was at with the people I was surrounded by, it was just easier to consciously stop considering my friends' backgrounds because it would have made things rather uncomfortable for me had I focused more on WHO they were instead of who THEY were..
today however I realised that the malaise goes deeper.. not that it affects my friendships one whit, but I found out today that someone I've known for a very very long time is connected to circles that I with my family background would not have easily gained access to, or for that matter, felt comfortable, in a social situation, had I known what I was getting into..
a schoolfriend who I have known since before puberty set in got married over the weekend.. Now when we were kids, it never mattered what someone's parents did for a living because we were friends from school who rarely if ever met the parents of other schoolfriends... the people who made up the "family" guest list at the wedding were a surprise to me.. though i suppose I could have asked questions a lot earlier considering the wedding venue and other things... It had just never occurred to me to ask him "bhai what do your parents do?"
mind you, knowing the answer to "do you know who my father is" in today's context has no bearing whatsoever on my relationship with my friend.. but it was rather disconcerting to walk into the gathering, specially as I knew no one except the groom.
whats even stranger is that KS who has been one of my best friends for years now, has connections in this group that made me feel even more of an "outsider"..
I've never really bothered to be conscious of the "social structures" and my place in it vis a vis my background.. Its just the first time in a very very long time that I am acutely conscious of it all..
to cite Jane Austen's world, being a Gentleman's daughter doesn't automatically mean you're ready to mingle with the "Ton"
1 comment:
Is this Anne - the blogger or Aneesha - the journalist?
Anne, to whom a friend was, is and will always a ‘friend’; nothing more, nothing less, come what may.
Aneesha, who is conscious of the boundaries, restrictions and considerations of the ‘social structures’.
Has Troy fallen? The real question is - which one is ‘Troy’ and which ‘Achilles’?
#ANNEvsANEESHA
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