so i don't know if it's just my parents who refuse to simply have my back and make simple excuses like "oh she has work" or even a "she's just gone to the loo/she's around somewhere"... or people in general are really THAT nosy bout my whereabouts coz i'm between 30-31, reasonably decent looking , educated and working... and ON this fucking "Marriage market"
i don't understand how this bloody patriarchy works.....
so today was a cousin's wedding...a second cousin on my mother's side who I hadn't seen for close to a decade... and i decided to go participate in the ritual of a "Car-o- bar" with my male cousins because the only two female cousins on this side of the family were the bride and her sister who was basically obliged to be right next to the bride...
i decided, that given the lack of ANYONE my age and gender, i will just hang out with the boys.. because lets face it.. i've always found it easier to hang out with the boys.. but according to my parents,, EVERYONE asked about where i was... and "they're trying to get me married ad i've gone missing with the boys.. which apparently goves the worng impression.. and because the boys were drinking in the parking lot.. "who knows if one girl surrounded by 5 boys is their sister or some 'other woman"... like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
i honestly don't know if these ridiculous retsrictions are because my parents are a pair of repressed conservatives or the " society" really asks that many questions...
i was having a drink at a freaking wedding venue in full shiny attire with my cousins...because when i said i don't feel like attending the bloody wedding.. it was a "family event" that i was not gonna get out of..
i faithfully get home from work early and get dressed in a sari and fucking attend the wedding of the daughter of my mother's cousin.. who i have not seen, and am not likely to see for YEARS... i even participate in the "joota chupai" and go do the social sounds and say hello to everyone because that's what is expected of me... but going off AFTERT having done the social obligations is apparently damaging...
WHEN does this end?????????????????????????????
My mother actually told me that "everyone asked where i am" because i went to have a drink with my male cousins.. and apparently.. when your parents have you on the Marriage mart,... going for a drink with the boys is a No No...becaase the entire community of close to 500 people present at the wedding have nothing better to do than note that i'm not demurely sitting by my mother;s side available for people to ask me inane things like where i work...
WHY THE hell is anyone interested in why i'm not sitting with my mother????? i'm over 30, and i've already done the social rounds for the night...for all anyone knows... i could be checking out the dessert section, or just lost in the crowded wedding... WHY do my parents subscribe to the patriarchial idea of how "society" expects a "good girl" to behave?\
i have no role to play in the wedding.. its just the patriarchal hallmark of a "good girl" who would participate in every family ritual and conveniently melt into the shadows when society expects her to be seen and not heard... I DID THAT ALERADY damnit!!!!!
how is it ANYONE's concern if i'm not at the dinner table with my parents at a social function?
:
or it it that my parent's suffer a particularly virulent form of "what will people say- itis" that makes their idea incomprehensible to me...
if the boys are "distant cousins who are not 'real' siblings... then WHY the hell am i expected to change work and after work plans to hang out with them?? if they are "like brothers.." then why does society have issues if i'm having a drink with them...
what exactly IS the point of having a horde of cousins if "society" Still has issues with me hanging out with my cousins.. i would rather have the option of saying "no thanks.. i;m not going"...
i don't understand how this bloody patriarchy works.....
so today was a cousin's wedding...a second cousin on my mother's side who I hadn't seen for close to a decade... and i decided to go participate in the ritual of a "Car-o- bar" with my male cousins because the only two female cousins on this side of the family were the bride and her sister who was basically obliged to be right next to the bride...
i decided, that given the lack of ANYONE my age and gender, i will just hang out with the boys.. because lets face it.. i've always found it easier to hang out with the boys.. but according to my parents,, EVERYONE asked about where i was... and "they're trying to get me married ad i've gone missing with the boys.. which apparently goves the worng impression.. and because the boys were drinking in the parking lot.. "who knows if one girl surrounded by 5 boys is their sister or some 'other woman"... like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
i honestly don't know if these ridiculous retsrictions are because my parents are a pair of repressed conservatives or the " society" really asks that many questions...
i was having a drink at a freaking wedding venue in full shiny attire with my cousins...because when i said i don't feel like attending the bloody wedding.. it was a "family event" that i was not gonna get out of..
i faithfully get home from work early and get dressed in a sari and fucking attend the wedding of the daughter of my mother's cousin.. who i have not seen, and am not likely to see for YEARS... i even participate in the "joota chupai" and go do the social sounds and say hello to everyone because that's what is expected of me... but going off AFTERT having done the social obligations is apparently damaging...
WHEN does this end?????????????????????????????
My mother actually told me that "everyone asked where i am" because i went to have a drink with my male cousins.. and apparently.. when your parents have you on the Marriage mart,... going for a drink with the boys is a No No...becaase the entire community of close to 500 people present at the wedding have nothing better to do than note that i'm not demurely sitting by my mother;s side available for people to ask me inane things like where i work...
WHY THE hell is anyone interested in why i'm not sitting with my mother????? i'm over 30, and i've already done the social rounds for the night...for all anyone knows... i could be checking out the dessert section, or just lost in the crowded wedding... WHY do my parents subscribe to the patriarchial idea of how "society" expects a "good girl" to behave?\
i have no role to play in the wedding.. its just the patriarchal hallmark of a "good girl" who would participate in every family ritual and conveniently melt into the shadows when society expects her to be seen and not heard... I DID THAT ALERADY damnit!!!!!
how is it ANYONE's concern if i'm not at the dinner table with my parents at a social function?
:
or it it that my parent's suffer a particularly virulent form of "what will people say- itis" that makes their idea incomprehensible to me...
if the boys are "distant cousins who are not 'real' siblings... then WHY the hell am i expected to change work and after work plans to hang out with them?? if they are "like brothers.." then why does society have issues if i'm having a drink with them...
what exactly IS the point of having a horde of cousins if "society" Still has issues with me hanging out with my cousins.. i would rather have the option of saying "no thanks.. i;m not going"...
2 comments:
Hmmm isn't that how society always is, mostly in India?? Why are you so riled up? Are you venting out some other daily work related frustration that you may have had during the day on this? I agree that people have a tendency to poke their nose and not mind their business, generally more so in India...but that is exactly how it is over there. If you have such a problem with it, speak out directly to those people and solve your problem. Or else just leave the place and move to a different city or country where no one will bother about what you do. Trust me, those places do exist. Until then....cheers :)
Ferocious Aneesha..I have never seen u do so much spelling mistakes in any posts before I suppose it was because of ur anger.and by the way why is it that u always curse patriarchy as the reason of all evils below the sky..is it because u have been a boy by mind and attitude all ur life yet no body sees u or accept it like that??abt parents it makes two of us and it has nothing to do with which gender u r,it's just that they r in a diffcult position and they don't know how to make it right so they overdo things to make it look alright..and u r not alone to be facing all this.Peace and Happiness.NJ
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