whn you say nothing at all

We all grapple with strange thoughts every single day. Sometimes what is in our mind overwhelms rationality and leaves us vulnerable, weak and hurt. Sometimes rationality, cold calculation, Knowledge wins and no matter what curveballs get hit our way we manage to get past them.


Sometimes we get hit. We get hurt. Things are simply too much. Too many thoughts, memories,, opinions words, acts, images sounds fighting for space in our head and the incoherence is frightening. And sometimes its patters that make us cower.

The mind has got to be the most fearsome thing ever created by the hand of god or man. Nothing comes close to what our own mind can evoke to leave us cowering and defeated even before anything actually happens. Or after something has happened and we need to gather ourselves and get up, but the mind holds us captive. Shattered on the ground and unable to so much as try to put the pieces together.

Sometimes it takes sheer willpower to get up. Conscious mind over unconscious thought. You MAKE yourself get up even when you think there is nothing left. You make yourself walk when everything has given out. Life then becomes a breath, a step, the swift intake of breath after a sob has escaped. A tear wiped, a moan swallowed, a footstep towards reclaiming the broken pieces of your self, putting them together is the goal you work towards..

sometimes you find yourself stepping off the edge of a cliff.. into the unknown, burning all figurative bridges behind you. No going back. No matter how much you may want to, no matter how dark the path ahead is. You make yourself move ahead. No going back to what once was, what things can never again be

But some memories and images and sounds still follow you.. scents, sense, touch, feel, things evoke memories, and our mind is just so good at running away from us.. running across worn out paths that we walked over once, tugging us to the imprints we left there..

You can never go back, imprints are too deeply etched, things cannot be undone… and yet your mind tells you that it might happen… so you put all your might behind that might… behind that which might not.. and at the end you’re left fighting shadows and flickers.

Sometimes your mind will not let you not revisit a time from which you’ve come away.. There’s nothing left but memory.. but memory is a powerful thing.

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On a completely unrelated note.. I made a paneer dish again for dinner... something called “embassy paneer” that I got off the Amul website. It was nice overall, but I put too little salt in it.

also, I would put my neck on the line and say this.. I don’t care how cute or good Messi is.. Kaka is HOT!