I danced in the Rain today

after what seems like ages..

after a conversation that left me wondering what life and love really was for me

after a night wondering why i couldn't remember somethings that should have been my fondest memories n why i remember things i'd myself rather forget...

its been nice n cool since yesterday afternoon.. and thats really something for a Delhi May.. been raining almost nonstop since last night... only stopped a couplas hours ago..

was thinking bout how much i've changed over the years and how much of what meant something then means the same now..

the wild abandon with which i've danced in the rain with friends..

years have passed since that happened.. i stood in the rain for a few minutes.. letting it run down my hair, soak my clothes.. n i looked up at the sky n closed my eyes so the rain could fall on my face...

i remember how as a kid i'd happily dance and sing and even lie down on the terrace of my apartment building in the rain.. never mind what happened to my clothes or hair.. today i felt too self conscious to do more than just let the rain wash over me.. even though in the protected four walls of my house.. no one could see me anyway..

i miss the madness.. i miss how ati n i spent hours dancoing in the rain n then started playing something else once the rain stopped..

i remembered how i'd wanted to forget all about how it would look and jumped out of the classroom window to dance in the rain in school.. i wasn't that much younger than i am now....

i remember walking... actually running around college splashing in puddles while ppl around me sheltered behind umbrellas n stayed away from puddles..

whats happened in just this little bit of time????????? its only been a month since college got over... i'm not even technically a graduate yet since the results aren't out..

the madness seems to have left.... the things i could've said, would've held on to, wanted to do and did without wanting... seem to have caught up with me.. i feel like i'm floating in a haze... dont quite know what i am anymore.... i've said things , done things that would have horrified me a few months ago.. ive accepted things that were unbearable a few months ago....i've let things go where i never wanted them, n i'n not sure i want to undo what i've done. if it can even be done..in a way i feel like i've lost myself, if i ever even knew who I was...

but i guess i'll survive... i see my craziness act itself out sometimes...

i watched sweet home alabama today n cried at the end when jake and melanie kissed..

and i danced in the rain today.... just a few steps maybe, but i danced.