Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Butterfly effect

The butterfly effect is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. Small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. So this is sometimes presented as esoteric behavior, but can be exhibited by very simple systems: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position.

why i feel this way?? coz something i thought would not mean anything suddenly has become the cause of a major hassle.. truth and lies, hiding and exposing.. why cant i ever figure out when to keeep my mouth shut n when not to???????? i said something that i shouldn't have ages ago... n didnt say something i should have.. today that comes back to haunt me.. n its taken on a much much larger meaning and importance than it could ever have..if only i'd done something different..

'if only'... thats a phrase that'll rule my life for as long as i live right?? things i've done that cant be undone, unsaid.. things that i've left unsaid that cant come out now.. decisions that i sometimes regret but sometimes think its better to have things as they are....

saying something that i didn't think mattered much.. brings up a terrifying spectre of broken promises and lack of trust.. a little thing as far as i was concerned.. something that really couldnt matter to me.. n today its shaken the ground under my feet..
as the theory sez... a ball being rolled down a hill can roll into any valleys.. so can one sentence be interpreted in different manners and elicit varied responses.. some expected, some unexpected...
i thought saying something tonight would be okay... but its only opened a pandora's box....
n i havent quite managed to keep the insect of foreboding from escaping...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

COPIED FROM THE HINDUSTAN TIMES WEBSITE

EDITORIAL WRITTEN BY BARKHA DUTT, JULY 11 2008.

CAMPUS CHRISTI
A couple of months back I was moderating a TV discussion between writer Amitav Ghosh, and a perky, outspoken bunch of university students. One of them popped up with the invariable, but clichéd question: Did Ghosh believe there was a ‘Stephanian school of literature’, given how many famous authors seem to walk off its shining green lawns?
Amitav and I, both from ‘College’ (if you want to spot a St Stephen’s alumnus, that’s the surefire sign — there’s no article or pronoun when we talk of our campus years; it’s just ‘college’ — cringed slightly at the presumptuous tag. But then he went on to say, what many others — bureaucrats, businessmen, journalists and artistes — have said before.
“College,” he said, was where he met the most extraordinarily bright and, perhaps, the nicest people he has ever known and its diversity and ideas shaped him in an indelible way. This, from someone who has also studied at Oxford, taught at Harvard and lived in New York.
I knew exactly what he meant in the implicit bonding that only a shared experience can create. But, if usually, meeting someone from College evokes a quiet pride, this time I felt a mild panic and deep sadness. Was this going to be the last time someone would describe those deliciously textured and passionate years in a way that was immediately identifiable across generations? Was the St Stephen’s ethos — built assiduously over 127 years — now terminally ill? Would College ever be the same again? The Church, you see, is killing our alma mater. The monstrous culture of quotas is all set to swallow its soul.
First, the (ominous sounding) Supreme Council that controls St Stephen’s, increased the reserved seats for Christian students from 40 per cent to 50 per cent.
Then, finding that many of these blocked seats went empty over the years because of a lack of qualified candidates among minority students, it drastically pulled down the cut-off marks needed for admission to 60 per cent. So, while, every other student passing out of high school needs anywhere in the range of an 85-90 per cent score in the board exams to even eye three years at St Stephen’s, being Christian means you can walk in with a much lower grade.
These were decisions that ripped through the heart of college, pushing its faculty, students and alumni onto different sides of ugly battlelines. Soon, the contentious principal who began the process had to exit, but the college was left headless and steeped in petty politics and volatile internal divisions. It’s so ironic for an institution that was always accused of being elitist because it did not even participate in the Delhi University students’ elections, preferring instead to create its own student body.
Those days, our defence used to be that we didn’t care to be soiled by the muck and dirt of campus politics. Who would have thought then that the same institution would end up being mired in controversy? Two ministers in the present union cabinet — India’s foreign secretary and the head of the country’s Planning Commission — are all Stephanians. How ironic then, that at this point, the College doesn’t even have a principal — it has been orphaned by an appalling lack of leadership.
But unmindful of the storm raging all around it — a storm that could bring more than the building down — the powerful mafia of Bishops that control St Stephen’s (supported by others within the college) are going ahead with another outrage.
Now they want to reserve faculty seats for Christian teachers. The administrative body that controls the college has quietly instructed heads of department to fill vacant posts with Christian candidates.
Just recently, a former gold medalist student, who wanted to come back and teach at College, was rejected for the job in favour of a Christian alternative. Teachers have protested, argued, dashed off angry letters — even gone on TV to make their point — but the stern men in the purple robes have the ruthlessness of the old Crusaders. They really couldn’t give a toss.
And why should they? They have an inspiring role model in the Human Resource Development Minister who just this month ordered India’s IITs to reserve teachers’ seats for Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes and OBCs. Not one of the IIT directors was consulted before the dictatorial memo was circulated asking that the faculty quotas be implemented with ‘immediate effect’. The IIT teachers have attempted a few, feeble street protests, but they all know the die has been cast and there is no looking back now. When Brand IIT can be mauled beyond recognition by subversive politics, why would anyone care about a small island of excellence called St Stephen’s College?
For very long now those who oppose reservations have been branded as ‘casteist’ and ‘elitist’ by the quota-pushers. But actually, the debate engulfing my old college has precious little to do with caste, class or egalitarianism. In the name of religion and Christianity, St Stephen’s is being pummelled by bigots and autocrats into the very opposite of its essence.
Yes, St Stephen’s is a ‘Christian’ college. But back in the day, what that used to mean was that the choir and the cross, and the little chapel at the back would be the setting for an ensemble cast of hundreds of people from different faiths, backgrounds and castes, to make a home for three years; a home that we never wanted to leave. And its Latin motto — ad dei gloriam — ‘For the greater glory of God’ — always made perfect sense. It was hopeful, inspirational and filled with the grand possibilities of Life.
Now, we can just sit back and watch another institute that India was proud of being destroyed in the name of God. And we can’t even turn to faith and ask that they be forgiven, for “they know not what they do”. The tragedy is they know exactly what they are doing. And you and I can do nothing to change it.
(Barkha Dutt is the Group Editor, English News, NDTV)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

nightmare in rainbow hues...

don't expect poetry or any ethereal discussions on the phenomenon of nightmares or anything remotely intellectual... not that any of my posts are ever that... this thing is a straightforward rant at the lack of taste and elegance in ANYTHING u might expect to see in a market full of clothes...
A short backgrounder first... those who already know me intimately.. u've heard this before... so u may skip to the next para.. if, that is, u really want to read the same thing i've been moaning about for quite a while now... i dont go shopping all that often... my shopping is usually limited to a coupla new tshirts/kurtis/dressy tops every season.. or a pair of jeans roughly once a year coz thats just about how long it takes for me to either get bored with it or ruin it somehow.. For the last coupla months..every time that i've bothered to haul myself to the market, i've come back empty handed with aching eyes at the sheer number of BRIGHT sequinned things with weird colours and funny stones all over the place... WHAT is the world coming to????? that people think dressing up means draping what seems like the entire rainbow(and then some..) of colours on yourself n putting a few bright sparkly things in even weirder colours on top of it..??????

why i rant today?? ah yes... i just spent 3 hours looking for a sari to wear for my sister's wedding.. n now i have a pounding headache.. n NOT because its sunny in delhi.. oh NO... but coz there was just SO MANY SHINY THINGS!!! today is not the first i've gone on a sari hunt... the last 2 weekends were spent in a similarly futile search for pretty things.. except that THOSE were for my beloved Sis n i didnt really have to spend time analysing every sari that was spread out, like i had to today... from South Extn mkt to chandni chowk to kamla nagar n every mall we could find... we've been scouring every place we can think of for more than a month now.. n its been really hard to scrape together enough saris for the family and the bride.. WHY is every sari one can find in the market covered with stones?? or sequins, or worse, BOTH?? dont people make simple elegant WEARABLE saris anymore?? the only stone free saris were the heavy kanjivarams and assorted silks that befit ONLY the bride.. what of the rest of the women in the family?? either we look like badly designed chandeliers or dig into mom's old clothes chest.. which ofcourse contains things she would NEVER let me wear coz they're too heavy/old-style = inappropriate for an unmarried little girl like me to wear.. WTF!!!!!
sample this... i walk into this old renowned shop in Kamla nagar, say hello to the aged uncleji sitting there n ask to see simple yet wedding- appropriate saris in a particular price range.. in his infinite wisdom he dispatches an underling to get the "achchi wali, modern saris".. well and good.. mom, dad, me and kid bro(who tagged along for some unknown reason) sit waiting in anticipation, looking around at the rather exorbitantly decorated saris that adorn the mannenquins around us.. i point to one of those.. but its deemed too heavy for the kid sis of the bride.. dont wanna upstage my sister now do i??
meanwhile.. the assistants come back with an assortment of materials and colours perched on their shoulders..(i'm using rather flowery language aren't i?) n proudly spread out the wares.. soft chiffons and flowing georgettes and even a coupla silks n stuff... lovely shades of blue and green and pink and orange.. ON EVERY ^#& *#!*^#!ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!! there was a chiffon sari in a gorgeous shade of blue.. flowing into a palla of pink... WITH YELLOW AND RED STONEWORK on it!!! i mean.. REALLYYYYY!!!!!!!!! then there were the so called 'designer' saris.. a red n black with red flowers on it.. AND the flowers were bigger than my entire HEAD! and there were black sequins outlining the flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n that wasn't the worst of them... the ABSOLUTE WORST i saw was a brown n orange chiffon sari... all flowy and lovely to touch.. with a geometrical parallel line pattern on it... and there were HUGE BLACK SQUARE STONES on it!!! I wanted to throw up right there!!!!!!!!!!! n my kid brother seemed to delight in pointing out the weirdest shades and designs n telling me to get those... n it was practically the same thing at 3 other shops we went to... the humid n hot weather, plus my age makes it rather impractical to wear heavy silks which seem to be practically the only things that are NOT full of stones..
3 hours, four shops, and countless thoughts of murder later, i found ONE sari that i loved at first sight... thank god...
the only problem is.. the wedding is 3 DAYS of ceremonies.... siiiiiiggghhhhhh.....

Sunday, June 22, 2008

saiyyan by Kailash Kher

The lyrics of this song may raise the hackles of some of my more feminist friends... but i LOVE this song... the tune is soooooo dreamy... n even the lyrics describe the madness of love sooo beautifully...

Heere moti main na chaahoo
main toh chaahoo sangam tera
main toh teri saiyyan
tu hai mera ....
saiyyan ... saiyyan

tu jo chhoo le pyaar se
aaraam se mar jaaoo
aaja chanda bahoo mein
tujh mein hi gum ho jaaoo ...main ...
tere naam mein kho jaaoo

saiyyan ... saiyyan

mere din khushi se jhoome gaaye raate
pal pal mujhe dubaaye jaate jaate
tujhe jeet jeet haaroo
yeh praan praan varoo
hay aise main nihaaroo
teri aartee utaaroo

tere naam se jude hai saare naate
saiyyan ... saiyyan

banke maala prem ki tere tan pe jhar jhar jaaoo
baithoo naiya preet ki
sansaar se thar jaaoo
tere pyaar se tar jaaoo
saiyyan ... saiyyan

yeh naram naram nasha hai...
badhtajaaye
koi pyaar se ghungatiya deta udaa
ab baawra hua mann
jag ho gaya hai roshan
yeh nayee nayee suhaagan
ho gayee hia teri jogan

koi prem ki pujaarun mandir sajaaye

saiyyan ... saiyyan
heere moti main na chaahoo
main toh chaahoo samgam tera
main na jaanu
tu hi jaane
main toh teri
tu hai mera
main na jaanu
tu hi jaane
main toh teri
tu hai mera
main toh teri ............
tu hai mera

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Crystal Ship- THE DOORS

Before you slip into unconsciousness
I'd like to have another kiss
Another flashing chance at bliss
Another kiss, another kiss.

The days are bright and filled with pain
Enclose me in your gentle rain.
The time you ran was too insane
We'll meet again, we'll meet again.

Oh tell me where your freedom lies

The streets are fields that never die.
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly.
The crystal ship is being filled
A thousand girls, a thousand thrills
A million ways to spend your time

When we get back, I'll drop a line.

sometimes u just feel like there's nothing u'll like more than to just run away from everything.. but things keep u tied to where u are n what u are...
i guess what they say IS true.. there really Is always a song for every mood...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

FOUND ON THE NEW YORK TIMES WEBSITE

June 13, 2008, 11:53 am
To Beer! The Cause of, and Solution to, All Life’s Problems!
By Leslie Wayne
Beer-powered cars.
An idea Homer Simpson can get behind.
That is what Molson Coors Brewing Company will be providing to the political elite at the Democratic National Convention in Denver in August. Beer, it turns out, can be turned into ethanol and used to fuel cars. This alternative source will be on display at the convention, which is trying to promote its green bona fides.
There is, of course, the obvious question: Why would anyone want to pour good beer into the tank of a car?
For starters, it’s not actually good beer, but beer that is “lost during packaging or deemed below quality standards,” according to Coors. Since 1996, Coors has been converting this waste beer, as it is called, into ethanol and generating about 3 million gallons of waste-beer ethanol a year.
The happy cars getting an injection of beer in their tanks are to be provided by General Motors, designated as the convention’s “Official Vehicle Provider.” G.M., a major sponsor at both conventions, will be showing off its fleet of cars with biofuel capabilities and hybrid technologies to lawmakers often been dubious about Detroit. A fleet of 400 G.M. cars will chauffeur around members of Congress, Democratic officials, state party leaders and other Democratic V.I.P.’s during the four-day extravaganza.Coors is a “Presidential” level sponsor of the convention, meaning it has paid over $1 million and, in return, promised access to prominent Democratic politicians. It has also been named the “Official E85 Ethanol Producer” for the Democratic convention, referring to the term for motor fuel that is 85 percent ethanol and 15 percent gasoline.
If beer is going into cars, will there be any left over for all the partying by delegates and the Democrats’ corporate sponsors?
Coors says: Yes! In a press release, Coors said it would provide beer for various Host Committee events, pre-convention meetings, V.I.P. gatherings and the media briefings. So convention delegates and visitors can end up being just as happy as those G. M. cars.