Friday, May 30, 2014

sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me... yeah right...

I work as a journalist. I'm trained as a lawyer, and my dream is to become a writer... and yet when it really truly matters, when it comes to things that have the power to seriously hurt me and upset me and make me want to cry and scream and hit back, i get quiet..
I may rant and fight and do whatever when it comes to protecting or lecturing someone else, but somehow i go mute when it comes to me.. I've never been able to stand up to bullying when I was the one being picked on, i've never been able to say the right thing as a response to an emotional attack or when i'm feeling vulnerable..
somehow i've gotten past every incident... being lots in the music in my head and whatever cloud i happen to be floating in at the time also helped..
but there are times when it gets to me..
when it makes me question everything about myself as to why the bloody hell i allowed it to get that far or stood there and said nothing...
I still have to figure out how to handle this particular incident... How does one react without being downright rude in a professional environment wen people around you cross the line from making a joke at your expense to actually hurting you by making "jokes" about your work and work ethic..
one is simple... ignore, and concentrate on my work so that the "little things" they found hilarious to laugh at no longer exist..
the other is to confront.. but i hate confrontation and they already realised that they crossed the line and sort of apologised ans said it won't happen again...

i think ice is better than fire in this situation... its not like i'll be missing anything i care about missing....

1 comment:

anand said...

A lil Gibberish now and then helps keep d bowl(mind)empty,but what can help if bowl is flipped!!!
Its not wat u chose to do in a fight but more wat kind a fight u chose to b in matters.As i find it,dere is a fight always ready to b fought,always sumthin rattling d mind,nagging d soul,,,,if u allow urself d heat and dust of it,it might give u sumthing...but i ought to think wat i m carryin wid..a quenched heart or a satisfied ego..!!!am i to find peace after its done on my own or will i have to wait for others to pat my back and boast my Bull' spirit..!!!
For ppl wid no face to put upto and no heart to let go things ,it will always matter wat stand v took over any issue bcoz dat allows dem to b righteous and veil their own cowardice ...its a lot easy to rant ,shout ,hoot in a crowd but hell scary to b quiet!It takes a heart to let go such easy glory and stand and fight aloof...
its not wat v did in every fight dat came across but wat every fight did to us??I shall decide my war not d other way around!!
There is very good saying in awadhi that goes ..one must avoid fighting SWINES for they too long have been one!!!!
For me ,the River is d gr8st warrior for she knows her goal ,her own fight....she flows not to quench thirsts but b'coz she MUST!!she shall not wait stop or turn back for the thirsts or cries of others,for these are distractions to her own journey...she cares not for the cursing hearts she floods on her path nor do any worships glee her!!!She will do what she has to ,to end herself ,to preserve herself ,to meet the Sea... She is d gr8st warrior ,for she will summon d Gods to shower wrath ,ask d Wind to turn into a typhoon,order d ground to rumble and shake .....only to WIN HER WAR!!!!She always wins too!!!!

Now this piece of crap that i wrote can easily b categorised as an unasked for Show off or Impressionist hand but I'll put it to you as a simple" HI!!!!" from a law college colleague..