sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me... yeah right...

I work as a journalist. I'm trained as a lawyer, and my dream is to become a writer... and yet when it really truly matters, when it comes to things that have the power to seriously hurt me and upset me and make me want to cry and scream and hit back, i get quiet..
I may rant and fight and do whatever when it comes to protecting or lecturing someone else, but somehow i go mute when it comes to me.. I've never been able to stand up to bullying when I was the one being picked on, i've never been able to say the right thing as a response to an emotional attack or when i'm feeling vulnerable..
somehow i've gotten past every incident... being lots in the music in my head and whatever cloud i happen to be floating in at the time also helped..
but there are times when it gets to me..
when it makes me question everything about myself as to why the bloody hell i allowed it to get that far or stood there and said nothing...
I still have to figure out how to handle this particular incident... How does one react without being downright rude in a professional environment wen people around you cross the line from making a joke at your expense to actually hurting you by making "jokes" about your work and work ethic..
one is simple... ignore, and concentrate on my work so that the "little things" they found hilarious to laugh at no longer exist..
the other is to confront.. but i hate confrontation and they already realised that they crossed the line and sort of apologised ans said it won't happen again...

i think ice is better than fire in this situation... its not like i'll be missing anything i care about missing....

I am not a kitchen appliance.. Awesome Ads by Havells

So for some reason my laptop is refusing to let me embed You tube videos on the same post as text... still.. if you have seen the prev post, you know exactly what i'm talking about..
Havell's has come out with this awesome series of ads regarding various household appliances, with the underlying theme that your wife/partner/mother is NOT an appliance, and everyone in the family can make their own damned coffee/juice/chutneys.. and men can iron their own shirts.. i really adored the "istree- stree" and "I'm his wife, he thinks i'm a kitchen appliance" punchlines..

but my favorite BY FAR is the arranged marriage ad where the guy's mother is going on about how her poor son is deprived of decent coffee at home living alone in a foreign country.. and the girl hands him a coffee maker instead..
seriously.. why the the hallmark of a 'good wife' a "cook-maid-waiter- in one'?? why is a girl in this arranged marriage market judged on her ability to handle the kitchen and want to have children? can anyone ask if the guy can handle half the cooking/cleaning/random chores like a partner should?

this is the age of technology.. make your own damned coffee

kya hai na auntiji... I am not a kitchen appliance.

the creep

i have
no words
not even when I dig deep into my conscience and try to write because its what I DO, my reason for being, why i''m in the profession I am in..
there's a blankness creeping up at the oddest of times.. a detachment from wherever I am..
I have always written emotionally, the best stories i ever write are ones that come from some unknown place within me and i type and write and even I don't consciously know what i'm doing till its all out on paper or screen and it just IS perfect.  rarely ever edit anything i write, except for a spell check..
and with this creeping blankness comes the fact that i haven't written anything at all in so long that my blog looks like a songs/quotes page and my diary has been hidden so long that i'm in danger of forgetting just where it is... 

have you ever felt connected mentally to someone without liking them in the slightest?

Blest be the tie that binds
our hearts in kindred something- or- other.
said Tommy Dukes. "I'd like to know what the tie is... the tie that binds us just now is mental friction on one another. And, apart from that, there's damned little tie between us. We bust apart, and say spiteful things about one another, like all other damned intellectuals in the world. Damned everybodies, as far as that goes, for they all do it. Else we bust apart, and cover up the spiteful things we feel against one another by saying false sugaries. it's a curious thing that mental life seems to flourish with its roots in spite, ineffable and fathomless spite.....

no, there is something wrong with the mental life, radically.



- DH Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover. 

Jalal ad din Mohammad Rumi...

sometimes the words that others have said long ago resonate in your soul so well that you don't need to think anymore...



The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don't go back to sleep!”


“You try to be faithful
And sometimes you're cruel.
You are mine. Then, you leave.
Without you, I can't cope.

And when you take the lead,
I become your footstep.
Your absence leaves a void.
Without you, I can't cope.

You have disturbed my sleep,
You have wrecked my image.
You have set me apart.
Without you, I can't cope.”

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”


The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.”


“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them.”

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come 'round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you've just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
"more”

“Do not leave me,
hide in my heart like a secret,
wind around my head like a turban.
"I come and go as I please,"
you say, "swift as a heartbeat."
You can tease me as much as you like
but never leave me.”

“Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’
doesn’t make sense any more.”