Sunday, October 12, 2014

Patriarchy, DDLJ and disappointing brothers...

my brothers have seriously disappointed me.. not the brats, the remaining horde of cousins/best friends that I have, have seriously dashed all my DDLJ fed ideas of how Karva Chauth is supposed to be…
yes I know that is a very very bad line to use if I want to sound like an adult at all and not like a starry eyed tween… but I DID expect better from my big brothers.. I swear I did.. first of all, I will never in my life understand how fasting prolongs someone else’s life.. this is the 21st century ladies and gentlemen.. WHY are we still following the patriarchal model where the woman has to “sacrifice for the happiness of the family” and somehow starving the poor soul would bring salvation to the family…
secondly.. if you HAVE to believe that this deity with no sense demands fasts in exchange for years on earth, why aren’t the husbands fasting for their wives’ lives? why shouldn’t the husband “show his love and devotion” to the marriage just like the poor starving wife?
in any case.. if we have to go along with this loony idea that the husband’s life has to come at the cost of his wife’s health and sanity, WHY the effing hell is it not reciprocal? specially when the scriptures go on and on about being an “ardhangini” and the married couple being the basis of all life and society??
and (read this as being said in an irate voice with a stomped foot) why did no one out of the dozens of the newly and not so newly married couples of my generation put their foot down and DO something?
sure the previous gen has waaayyyy too many married couples for me to have harboured any remaining hope, but they are all old people, in arranged marriages where ‘the family’ scuttled all attempts at overt mush.. atleast in front of the children..
 but this lot?? my generation! they ALL have married for love and stay far enough away that the entire gamut of aunts and aunts in law and grandmothers and mothers does not descend on them to make them do whatever arcane ritual the lunar cycle demands.. and yet… Karva Chauth remains as boring and old people-ey as ever for my assorted brothers and bhabis…
whatever happened to the “don’t bother babe, religion is stupid, keeping yourself hungry is not prolonging my life”.. or “okay since it’s a required married people ritual, I’m fasting with you (Thanks SRK for that one) or at the very least “ since you’re stuck doing this, let me get up at the crack of dawn and cook you something nice and shower you with presents”…
ANYTHING??? hello?? guys??
Do you HAVE to be all boringly unromantic to my bhabis and be all “what are you getting worked up about” at me??
Go watch DDLJ again … all of you.. if I’m not allowed to question the cultural imperative and must accept that the fast must be kept, I’m gonna continue to be SO disappointed at the lack of reciprocal fasts and dancing and presents and unapologetically unromantic behavior in general... Shahrukh Khan.. you have some serious explaining to do.
hmph…


Friday, August 22, 2014

i fear oblivion.. i fear it like the proverbial blind man who is afraid of the dark....

I just finished reading "The Fault in our Stars' by John Green.. maybe its he inherent selfishness in me, but the words that touched me the most in this beautifully written tale of pain and love is the quote from the "book" Hazel and Augustus fall in love with...'The Imperial Affliction'..

"There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. there was a time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be a time after. and if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does."

 I too fear oblivion sometimes.. have to wonder if anyone at all will remember me when  i no longer exist, whether my existence in this world has changed anything for anyone anywhere, even if only as the proverbial flutter of the distant butterfly wing, the first, minuscule domino... And then there are times when i wonder if anyone will remember me the "right" way... and not just in the superficial way of people who brush past you in life and yet think they have touched enough of your essence to claim that they KNOW you..
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and after reading this book, i wonder if there has ever been any moment in time, or will ever be such a moment that my existence, or someone's existence in my vicinity, has changed life so indelibly that whatever short time we have left in the world will forever MEAN something simply because you have had some time where you really lived and loved and your life wasn't just the endless flow of days but time paused and you really KNEW that you were on the cusp of having an experience that will change you....
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I will write you a sequel.. finish the unfinished story that means peace to you... 

Friday, May 30, 2014

sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me... yeah right...

I work as a journalist. I'm trained as a lawyer, and my dream is to become a writer... and yet when it really truly matters, when it comes to things that have the power to seriously hurt me and upset me and make me want to cry and scream and hit back, i get quiet..
I may rant and fight and do whatever when it comes to protecting or lecturing someone else, but somehow i go mute when it comes to me.. I've never been able to stand up to bullying when I was the one being picked on, i've never been able to say the right thing as a response to an emotional attack or when i'm feeling vulnerable..
somehow i've gotten past every incident... being lots in the music in my head and whatever cloud i happen to be floating in at the time also helped..
but there are times when it gets to me..
when it makes me question everything about myself as to why the bloody hell i allowed it to get that far or stood there and said nothing...
I still have to figure out how to handle this particular incident... How does one react without being downright rude in a professional environment wen people around you cross the line from making a joke at your expense to actually hurting you by making "jokes" about your work and work ethic..
one is simple... ignore, and concentrate on my work so that the "little things" they found hilarious to laugh at no longer exist..
the other is to confront.. but i hate confrontation and they already realised that they crossed the line and sort of apologised ans said it won't happen again...

i think ice is better than fire in this situation... its not like i'll be missing anything i care about missing....

Saturday, May 24, 2014

I am not a kitchen appliance.. Awesome Ads by Havells

So for some reason my laptop is refusing to let me embed You tube videos on the same post as text... still.. if you have seen the prev post, you know exactly what i'm talking about..
Havell's has come out with this awesome series of ads regarding various household appliances, with the underlying theme that your wife/partner/mother is NOT an appliance, and everyone in the family can make their own damned coffee/juice/chutneys.. and men can iron their own shirts.. i really adored the "istree- stree" and "I'm his wife, he thinks i'm a kitchen appliance" punchlines..

but my favorite BY FAR is the arranged marriage ad where the guy's mother is going on about how her poor son is deprived of decent coffee at home living alone in a foreign country.. and the girl hands him a coffee maker instead..
seriously.. why the the hallmark of a 'good wife' a "cook-maid-waiter- in one'?? why is a girl in this arranged marriage market judged on her ability to handle the kitchen and want to have children? can anyone ask if the guy can handle half the cooking/cleaning/random chores like a partner should?

this is the age of technology.. make your own damned coffee


kya hai na auntiji... I am not a kitchen appliance.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

the creep

i have
no words
not even when I dig deep into my conscience and try to write because its what I DO, my reason for being, why i''m in the profession I am in..
there's a blankness creeping up at the oddest of times.. a detachment from wherever I am..
I have always written emotionally, the best stories i ever write are ones that come from some unknown place within me and i type and write and even I don't consciously know what i'm doing till its all out on paper or screen and it just IS perfect.  rarely ever edit anything i write, except for a spell check..
and with this creeping blankness comes the fact that i haven't written anything at all in so long that my blog looks like a songs/quotes page and my diary has been hidden so long that i'm in danger of forgetting just where it is...