nirbhaya

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away...
.
.
.
.
.
.
the songs says 'dream on'
i hear something completely different..
I can see them, hear them.. the don't expect me survive, but they're terrified to let me die.. I am too stubborn to let go... the world will erupt in flames if i do, don't you know..

My heart gave out twice, they pumped it back on, my body has been torn to shreds, by the monsters who my champions are out to kill, and a little bit by the healers in their quest to sew me back together again and defy god...

They were out on the streets fighting for me just yesterday, those who stood by and watched as i bled out, almost to the point of dying... they've adopted me as their new inspiration.. I am 'Nirbhaya" the fearless one, their "amanat.' their legacy..

 i am the image that they have of a fighter who will live despite everyone wishing for her death, despite how badly those wolves tore my body... Now new wolves are out hunting my scent.. they are the ones who will lick up teh spilled blood from the streets and feed their war machines with it. the propaganda will go out, loud and strong.. there will be proud men in prouder uniforms, telling the world that they fought off the monsters, they made the world safe for me and my sisters, so that when i finally do leave this world, my fighters won't set them on fire..

I can hear them chanting outside my window.. those who 'fight for me'.. they don't care that the didn't bother to raise their voice before mine was destroyed. they don't care that the wolves they fight lurk amongst them, they don't notice the tattered wool that clings to the wolves they see as sheep.. they even ignore the screams of my sisters who are being snatched away by different bands of wolves even as they continue their chants for my good health...

I do dream you know... i still live.. i dream of a day that i went out with a friend, had a fun evening, and went back to my parents unmolested.. i dream of a day that i walked across a road to my sister without the laughter of a hyena or the growl of a wolf behind my back.. i dream of a time when they would fight off the wolves and not sit back and watch as they tore at me, encouraging them with their indifference and their contempt for 'my kind'. i dream of setting up and walking and talking and acting like a human being.. i dream of being treated like a thinking, feeling, LIVING human being with the right to travel within my city without their eyes following me in the darkness..


and i dream on... till that dream comes true...

wake up! its not just the police, its us too...

"protest' they say, 'Raise your voice', 'down with government", "down with police and inefficient justice"... does anyone remember that a whole lot of bystanders, the so called "PEOPLE" stood by and stared while the rape victim and her friend were bleeding on the road and inching towards death...???? Civility, civic sense are dead.. social values are dead, what use is your 'outrage' when you still don't stop to help someone in desperate need? what price 'humanity' when you are so quick to judge a girl whose doing nothing except walking down a street, accompanied by a boy?

There's a 23 year old battling for life after having been brutalized by 6-7 men in a moving bus. Her friend, a boy who offered to drop her home as Delhi is 'too unsafe' had to stay in the hospital too because he was beaten with iron rods for trying to stop the drunken men from teasing his friend. there is 'outrage' and 'protests' and talk of death penalty for rape..
and everyone knows that this too shall die down... courts and NGOs and activists have been saying for years that we need to revise rape laws, make provisions for quicker disposal, stricter punishment... when we don't even have the legal provisions punish the sheer horror that this episode was.. it wasn't just a sexual assault, it was a concerted, sickening show of violence against the girl and the boy for standing up to the men who were 'teasing' her. 
She has been beaten, raped, given nearly irreparable internal injuries, hanging on to life by a thread and fighting to stay alive.. and the most the laws can do is book them for attempted murder.. we don't have provisions for punishing aggravated sexual assault, we have procedures that ensure that these cases drag on for years even in the 'fast track' courts which still take two years to decide 'fast track' cases.. 
and we have politicians and political wannabes and publicity hounds who do stupid things like 'visit the victim and her family' at the hospital where she is battling for her life, for the sake of a photo op..

we have 'the people' who will scream and protest and write blogs but will not bother to slow down and stop at the side of the road when there's a bleeding body slumped on the sidewalk.. who won't bother to give basic medical aid or even a cloth to cover up a semi nude, battered person lying before them.. 
we have people who are asking why they 'stepped onto a private bus?' or 'why were they out so late'? 9 pm is late??? thats when all offices start closing!! why would anyone NOT step onto a public bus that is taking passengers, with a conductor shouting out the destination and selling tickets? the problem is with the attitude of 'why bother'.. the problem is with this inertia... you shout and protest and make a big to do about it, and the next morning when some other news breaks you move on to the next topic... questions of basic safety, civic sense, morality remain unanswered... 
and a woman gets harassed or hurt every day....

here's something i saw on IHM's Blog about the attitude of people in this country towards women..

amma

to the woman who was the nest that everyone flew back to, as much as we flew away..
the fighter who embraced only the 'practical' traditions and fought against the world to study, work and live with dignity before 'feminist' became a fashionable word.
the disciplinarian who got our huge scattered family to behave themselves for years
the one who was always there.. even when you didn't particularly want anyone to be..
the reason why i, who haven't stepped foot in the puja room in years still remember her favorite bhajans and stories
the reason why i love reading mythology and even more the alternative interpretations of mythology
the one who always squabbled over everything with me, and yet took my side when i fought with anyone else

to amma..
I hope you heard the tales and the songs and the laughter that was around you.. everyone came home and sat and talked to you, just like you wanted every weekend.. it was loud and rambling and there were scattered conversations and side remarks and laughter and an argument or two... and everyone was here..
and we all hoped that you heard us in the hours before you decided to not wake up...
i love you

penrose staircases...

The bright azure of the open sky with fluffy white clouds scurrying across it make me stop and wonder at my life sometimes.. think of the things I’ve planned and dropped, of the paths that I almost took or got turned around in.. I feel like I’m at the bottom of a glass walled well and while I can see everything around me reflected in the glossy shards that enclose my existence, the only open sky that is within my reach is that little patch that is visible where that glass and stone confine ends..

I feel turned around sometimes.. not quite as if I’m directionless or not trying to get anywhere.. I feel more like sissyphus rolling the heavy rock up a hill, and then picking up a different one after it promptly rolls away from me after the halfway mark…  I’m not exactly directionless or stagnant or not doing anything… I’m just moving rather purposefully down an escalator doing up…or maybe climbing a penrose staircase whichh keeps folding back on itself... no matter how many steps tire out my feet, I haven’t moved much towards the direction I’m trying to head towards…

o nadan parinde ghar a ja...

Raghav turned 11 today.. my baby brother, the one reason i learnt to play mommy to everyone and revel in it coz his smile lit up my world.. i was too young when the brats were born to make any contribution to their younger years... but with almost 14 years between me and this little thing that my chachi brought home, i played nanny and surrogate mum whenever she had to take a break/nap/get work done.. and i would sit and rock him in my arms and sing him to sleep and tell him all my hopes and dreams and fears and thoughts, he was just a baby, but i felt like if he cooed or nodded or flailed around it was in answer to whatever it was that i was rambling at him about... Anu n the brats got rather mad at that .. to them i was the strict big sister who would play disciplinarian and shoo them around... Raghav on the other hand has perennially been the baby who must be coddled..
today is his 11th birthday.. we were all supposed to get together and have fun and have a bithhday party..
but there were no celebrations at home coz amma was hospitalised this morning... and instead of coddling the baby we've all spent his entire life coddling, we were all too busy worrying whether our grandmom would come home from the hospital... i barely even wished him.. aand now i'm wondering how he must have felt all day.. with teh entire extended family milling around teh house, but no one paying him the special attention he's come to expect.. he was so much quieter than he normally is.. even ate and bathed and helped with everything around the house without needing to be fussed at... my baby's all grown up i guess..

and the brats will turn 17 in just a few short days.. where did all that time go???

watching a devotional movie with the eyes of an atheist

So what makes Jab Tak Hai Jaan's Meera different from the dyed in the wool devoted sati savitris of yesteryear Bollywood? the type that we saw in movies like "jai santoshi maa"..??

The intensely devoted to god with a Pooja ki thaali perennially in her hand 'good girl' of the days gone by has been replaced with a "i don't wanna marry an Indian boy" cigarette smoking, minidress wearing 'businesswoman', but she is still following the 'god will do as i ask if i pray hard enough" motto of any true blue (K)Ekta Kapoor heroine....
She makes bargains with a perpetually surrounded by candles statue of Jesus in a gorgeous London church, but ultimately decides that her love's life is at stake since she broke her promise to daddy and Jesus to marry whoever daddy had chosen for her..

I actually cringed at her dialogue when she told SRK that she had to pray to all gods for his wellbeing since he kept getting into'life threatening' accidents! (and if i start ranting about his f%^&%# accidents thats another whole blogpost)

I guess Meera personifies my own confusion about what 'feminism' and 'strong womanhood' is... and where faith and devotion fits into the convoluted lines of tradition and modernity... is a 'god will provide' attitude an outdated concept? or is making life choices with faith firmly entrenched in your conscience modernity, coz you have a moral validation for your life choices that do after all remain YOUR life choices, notwithstanding the 'god' looking over your shoulders...

She behaves as her daddy and 'society' expects her to, is devoted to god completely, even though she tends to bargain with god, saying that she'd give up chocolates, or cigarettes, or her boyfriend, if god would continue to give her daddy happiness and keep her lover alive. and yet she is strong in her convictions... she goes out whenever she wants, does charity work for the poor and underprivileged every day, falls in love and decides NOT to marry daddy's choice and wait for her love... she is a 'businesswoman', even though we don't ever see her doing anything except looking pretty in tiny dresses(in the London snow no less) and gallivanting around with SRK the 28 year old..

 Heck she's strong enough to deny herself her love, refuse to marry daddy's choice and live the life of a nun coz she choose not to be with the man she loves in order to "keep him alive" as is her last bargain with god...

Shahrukh's 'Samar' is the opposite of Meera's devotion. he constantly challanges god, dares him to do his worst.. He doesn't believe in any divine plans, he doesn't care about god but has his own moral code in which his lover's the sole deity... he only backs down from what he wants not coz its something 'god' decreed, but its what Meera wants... "do this for me" is the line that gets him everytime... even when he rushes to join the army and put himself in front of live ammunition and explosives for breakfast,lunch and dinner... i half expected him to go "aaj khush to bohot hoge tum" when he's arguing with god and the surprisingly aptly named Meera about her choices and his life...

Samar reminds me of Krishna's words in the 12th chapter of the Bhagvadgita... "he who does his duty with complete devotion and aids his fellow man is my favorite, even if he denounces me and refuses to worship me..."

and yet the image of Katrina Kaif holding an arti ka thaal while wearing a little chiffon minidress (which i would LOVE to get) is just so incongruous that i can't figure out what the hell the movie trying to show..

"its not a story of courage, its a story of undying love"... blerrggghhhhhh

...............
on a slightly different note...
I think the depiction of journalists/filmmakers and army personnel in the movie turned my head around so much that i think i'm incapable of  liking it despite the awesome music...
When i heard of an Army Bomb disposal squad with an embedded documentary filmmaker..  THAT is not how i pictured it!!!!!!!! i don't know any 21 year olds who behave the way Anushka Sharma does in the movie... i can't even IMAGINE anyone 'serious' about their work being that unprofessional during a shoot..
and SRK.. i'm officially over the adoration i had for you as a teenager.. even though you've finally given up on trying to play a college kid.
Hamare ishq k waqt nikal chuka hai...
hmph...... 

quoth the raven, nevermore

came across a reference to this poem while reading randomly.. then decided to look up the poem... its so beautifully haunting that i had to share....


 THE RAVEN

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore —

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —

Only this and nothing more."


Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;


And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; – vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —

Nameless here for evermore.




And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me – filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

"'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door —

Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; —

This it is and nothing more."




Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you" – here I opened wide the door; ——

Darkness there and nothing more.




Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —

Merely this and nothing more.




Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—

'Tis the wind and nothing more!"




Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.




Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore —

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."




Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door —

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as "Nevermore."




But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing farther then he uttered – not a feather then he fluttered —

Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before —

On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."

Then the bird said "Nevermore."




Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

Of 'Never – nevermore'."




But the Raven still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore

Meant in croaking "Nevermore."




This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,

But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,

She shall press, ah, nevermore!




Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee – by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite – respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."




"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! —

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —

On this home by Horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore —

Is there – is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."




"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us – by that God we both adore —

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore —

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."




"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting —

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."




And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted – nevermore!


—Edgar Allan Poe






(Taken from Wikipedia)

if i lay here.. would you lie with me and just forget the world..

if I were in a better mood, I’d look at that picture of the skinny young man sitting on a bench outside a staircase and that picture of the girl rushing down a stairwell as eager young lovers flying past the centimeters that lie between them and the seconds that it will take for them to be together

if I were in a more fluffy pink clouds and hearts and roses mood I’d see the bunching of her thigh muscles as she takes the stairs two- three a a time to run towards the light and the warmth of love, I’d see the eager anticipation of his wringing hands as he breathes in and out as her footsteps come closer

were I in a mood to wish upon stars and dream of happily ever afters I’d paint a picture of what happens at the end of the frames before me, when the eager young lovers finally see each other and embrace and kiss and drown in their euphoria of finally being reunited, even if they’d only separated for the length of time it may have taken her to fetch her bag from her room upstairs before they sneak out of the college hostel and go for that walk they have been thinking about.. the moment where they are away proclaiming their love to the world by writing their conjoined names in trees and in the sand and shouting from the rooftops and telling all and sundry how in love and how happy they are..

but I’m not…

hearts and flowers and shiny fluffy clouds and gamboling puppies and young love isn’t what I see here..

I see a man hunched over in defeat, I see a car that hasn’t seen its young owners come inside to drive around and kiss in,  I see an empty room and a lover waiting for someone who will not come.. and I see  a girl walking down the stairs, away from the darkness that is the house in all its suffocating glory, towards the light of the outside world, an escape…

how does one say "i love you"?

there are days when i have words and emotions pouring out of every breath i take, there are days when i am just so numb that i can't feel anything around me
there are days when the slightest breeze makes me gasp with joy, there are days when the clouds on the horizon seem to be there just to darken my day

and then there are days like yesterday when i get jolted out of my comfort zone and thrown in front of a mirror, to SEE just what i am and what i've done and not done
to notice the cracks and gasps and marks on what i thought was a slow peaceful boring disconnected life

what is family? what is love? how does one show how important someone is to you? is it only when you lose an illusion and realise that the people you take for granted are actually as fragile as glass and can be taken away from you in the space of a moment...
and yet i am silent.. coz i don't have any words to tell them how much they mean to me

Has anyone seen this show called 'PunarVivaah'?

Having grandparents at home guarantees that you will be exposed to those god-awful saas bahu sagas that run on TV all day.. I get fleeting glimpses of most of them since I tend to drift in and out of the living room at various points of the day..

Has anyone seen this show called ‘PunarVivaah” on Zee?? It started out as this progressive sounding show about a widower and a divorcee who get married to each other via an arranged marriage. It started out showing the heroine as this awesome independent woman who took care of her 4 year old son and her in-laws and took on the world with a hockey stick… and now the woman has been reduced to the caricature of the downtrodden Bahu in the home of her new husband, who incidentally is still so in love with his dead wife that they live in a room that is little more than a shrine to the dead girl.

lets recap the episode I saw today shall we…

• ·         The couple, plus their three Kids (one hers, two his) return from a holiday with the man in a towering temper for some unexplained reason.
• ·         The woman walks in crying, the man frowning, and the family is stunned and stares at them walking in
• ·         the man walks off somewhere, presumably work or whatever
• ·         the ENTIRE 20 member family, including elder brother and bhabi, Father and mother in law, little sister in law and aunt in law, alongwith the girl’s mother corral the girl in the drawing room and start asking her why their boy was so unhappy “when she had promised them she would make him happy.”
• ·         NO ONE of the gathered lot tries to comfort her in any manner whatsoever..
• ·         The mother in law gets into this whole “I will never trust you again coz you made my son unhappy” rant
• ·         meanwhile the poor heroine is literally on her knees on the floor in tears, begging them all to say that they trust her. She’s asking them all to listen to her, she’s begging them to understand that she hasn’t done anything to anger him or hurt him.
• ·         and then the MIL stalks off after giving her an earful.
• ·         and NO one questioned the man because he’s simply stalked off in anger.

what I don’t get is, does no one care about the fact that this woman is also desperately unhappy???? The in-laws treat her as some servant who is only there for their son’s sake. she can’t eat or wear or go anywhere as she pleases. She is no more than a nanny for the kids because that man refuses to accord her so much as the respect due to a wife. She is living in a room filled with pictures of another woman, who is remembered by the entire family as this paragon of perfection. She has to practically beg the family to even be allowed to live in the house. Her happiness of no import?

why is the man not asked a single question? why is it that the sole responsibility for the marriage working out on her??? why does NO ONE care that the injured party in the case is HER and not that man who simply shoved bags in a car and drove off?

and most importantly.. WHY the hell is the family interference limited to badmouthing her??? if they are so interested in scrutinizing their marriage, why do they not ever see that the man is doing nothing whatsoever to make his wife even feel comfortable and wanted?

why is it that TV shows simply reinforce these disgusting stereotypes? Why is it that the man can just do anything and the woman is so dependant on his approval for happiness that she has to grovel before the entire family to be allowed the right to live in her marital home? Why is it that the wife is blamed if the man is even slightly inconvenienced but no one raises an eyebrow at the fact that this man obviously wants nothing to do with her and is simply living in the past? She has gone through a hellish divorce, but no one has ever said that the guy should be trying to put a smile on her face just as she is made responsible for his happiness.

She is supposed to find contentment simply because she is married again?? why is no one asking the In laws about why they treat her with so much indifference?? even her own mother departs the house after some platitudes about how true love conquers all!!

She is supposed to be happy simply coz she has sindur on her forehead and her son has a “father” again?? even though her in- laws treat her so poorly and the husband is indifferent? just because he claims to “respect” her and lets her stay in his house??

She seemed much happier to me in the initial episodes. When she zipped around the city on a scooty, taking care of her son, assisting her parents in their business. taking down rude shopkeepers with sharp words and goondas with a wicked right hook.

hot cakes to hot potatoes

So this judge made a rather interesting observation today... "The questions raised by the arrest and detention of SM Kazmi will have repercussions on the entire judicial process that is being followed under the stringent Unlawful Activities Prevention Act"... No shit sherlock... I, a barely graduated law student cum rookie journo could've told you that....when the police and courts start taking decisions without clarifying points of law, somewhere or the other the lapses will come back to bite the entire system on its ass.

I wonder why the criminal justice system in this country is so messed up... on one hand you have police officers and lawyers who take money to bury cases of rape and murder, on the other hand you have overzealous or just plain careless prosecutors who come strutting to court without clearly figuring out just what their argument is going to be, on a different hand you have prosecutors who bludgeon their way through procedures and laws just because they're the "state" and can do no wrong.. another hand shows you judges who either don't care about what rules they're bending, or just let their exalted status inflate their egos and then refuse to hear any plea that's against their opinion. on yet another hand you have turf wars between the police departments, on yet another ego clashes between prosecution and judges.

any way you look at it, that is far too many hands groping around and sullying the criminal justice system of the country..
 

the curious case of SA Kazmi

so the law is either the written word or customary practice.. but what about when the written word is ambiguous and the practitioners are stumbling all over themselves to figure out what to do??? then we get the case of a man in Judicial custody being taken up and down the judicial ladder while judges all over the place try to assign authority to each other.
SA Kazmi was arrested under the provisions of the Unlawful Activities Prevention Act, the UAPA.He is currently in custody of the Delhi Police Special Cell. While I , and indeed the rest of teh world, don't know enough about the charges against him and the evidence available to even begin to hazard a guess about his guilt or innocence, the past couple of weeks have shown me that the Legal system in place to handle such special laws is quite seriously suffers from ambiguity and lack of clear authority structure.

The Police brought him before the Chief Metropolitan magistrate, the highest of the lowest rung of criminal judiciary. Then the Sessions court, which is the next rung on the said that the CMM does not have the power to hear cases under the UAPA. So the matter stood still for a while and then was heard by a Sessions court. Then the police decides to approach the High Court of Delhi, the highest judicial authority in the state. The high court decides to deliberate on the question of jurisdiction, and in the interim says that the prevailing practice i.e of bringing such cases before the CMM's court, should continue. The High court will now decide on the question in October.
Meanwhile, this man who has been in police custody for over three months is taken to four different courtrooms in the span of two days while judges remain confused. Is this really how a legal system with such a huge number of written statutes is supposed to work???

And he isn't the only person affected by this legal confusion, questions may be raised about the legality of the detention of others, including suspected terrorists allegedly belonging to the Indian Mujahideen and Lashkar -e - toiba, simply because the courts haven't decided who exactly is competent to hear cases of people arrested under the UAPA. If the High Court decides that the CMM never had jurisdiction, then the courts will be left with a fair amount of eggs on their faces, specially because the fate of terror suspects hangs in the balance.

the little blue stone thats taken up a corner of me

so you say that men and women can't be just friends,.. that the only reason you were around was because you thought you had a chance to get into my pants...
fuck you
i have far too many friends who negate your little stream of thought.. better peopler than you.
and i'm done feeling guilty for hurting you.


there was a time that i blamed myself for the mess that you were in... a time when i promised myself that i'll be there for you through everything.. just to make sure you didn't ge upset..
but now that i've seen what a coward you are..
i'm done

I'm done trying to figure out excuses for your behaviour.. when you choose to pklay the injured party despite knowing exactly where my affections lie..

done trying to invove you. contact you and try to retain a friendship that never was.

since you require a 'lip man' to say whatever it is that you don't have the balls top admit to my face, i'm gonna stop trying to get you to speak.

goodbye
i honestly thought we were better friends than this.

what happens to a sleep deprived brain at 4 &$^*&%$ am..

somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond : e.e.cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands




Poetry is usually not my thing... but this just was too beautiful to not share....

There are a million things happening in the word that i should be writing about.. the proposed divorce law, the proposed change in the 'age of consent', the upcoming exams and other stuff in my life.. hel i could very well put up a post about family and the brats' latest antics.. but lately i find myself unable to put in words what i feel. or maybe i don't have any words because my mind is quiet..
its nearly 4 am on a friday.. and my exams start in less than a week.. but i had to share this poem that i just came across...

Women, violence and religion.

Article in Foreign Policy Magazine WHY DO THEY HATE US by Mona Elthawhny

how many times is it that issues of violence against women are ignored in the midst of obfuscation created by questions of 'culture', 'safety' and 'propriety'.

practically every civilisation in the world over the course of history has placed maximum value on the 'purity' and 'safety' of the women of the society as the benchmark for the 'safety of the Culture'. from foeticide to locking women in the house to laws denying rights to women to dowry to the earlier practices of jauhar and Sati, women have somehow  been the bearers of the responsibility to uphold social virtue.

These slogans, used during the Delhi Slutwalk covers my response and the frustration that women worldwide have with this patriarchal attitude

have mercy your honor!

its their questions i fear the most

coming at me from all sides as i cower into the corner.. the darkness in my mind unravelling, rivalling the darkness that surrounds the room

did you?

but?

what?

are you?

i want to scream out loud but my own voice refuses to cooperate.. my own self rebelling against the other, self righteous bitch that rules this corner most times

why shouldn't i?

why do i hold back?

why not do what THEY think i already have done.. 

its the days when 'being right' doesn't matter worth a damn because the only person judging you is yourself and i have the angel and demon inside my head telling me i'm wrong no matter which path i choose

no matter what i do, i'll end up backed into this very same dark corner

my lord the accusation is wholly unfounded and unjust!!

but is it really?

the snide cynicism is so clear in the voices

so just what are they teaching the police in the so called "sensitization sessions"

Here is a quick reckoner. In 2010, as many as 414 rape cases were reported in Delhi, the highest among 35 major cities in the country. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), the conviction rate in rape cases in the capital was a dismal 34.6 percent.

In a two-week long investigation, Tehelka undercover reporters posing as research scholars, visited 23 stations across the NCR and spoke to more than 30 policemen with experience of 20-30 years.

cover story in TEHELKA magazine

NDTV report

Seventeen senior cops of over a dozen police stations across Gurgaon, Noida, Ghaziabad and Faridabad were caught on spy camera blaming everything from fashionable or revealing clothes to having boyfriends to visiting pubs to consuming alcohol to working alongside men as the main reasons for instances of rape. 'It's always the woman who is at fault' was in essence the argument offered by a majority of the cops. Many of them believe that genuine rape victims never approach the police and those who do are basically extortionists or have loose moral values. Others believe that the women from Northeast could never be victims of forced sex as they are invariably involved in the flesh trade. Even more shockingly, some of them are of the view that if a woman has consensual sex with one man, then she shouldn't complain if his friends also join in. If a woman is doing late hours at the office then she had it coming... and the arguments keep coming.

misogynistic and completely ridiculous arguments from people who would rather blame the victim than do their actual job.

Yes i agree that there are a shocking number of false cases filed as far as sexual crimes are concerned.. but that doesn't mean that one dismisses real concerns out of hand, and it REALLY doesn't mean that a woman out of the house alone is "asking for it"

You aren't a 'woman' here.. you're the "Vakil Madamji"

Child marriage is an accepted, if outwardly hidden norm for a large section of Indian Population even today. despite the various warnings and "social awareness"  about the detrimental effects of child marriages on the children, the family and society. Having an express Law banning child marriages doesn't seem to have worked very well because people are still stuck in the "lets get them out of our hair and to their 'own' family as soon as possible" mindset. 

infact, i recall having a major argument with someone recently about child marriages and the impact they have on the girl. shockingly, this guy was a "social worker" employed at one of Delhi government's 'Gender Resource Centres', which are run by NGOs in the city and provide employment, education, self help aid, legal and medical aid to poor women.This man has been working there for over a year, raising awareness about education and social issues such as gender based violence, population, sanitation etc. he's a graduate from IGNOU and belongs to what passes as a 'well off family' in the area, roughly as lower service class family. 

and despite the fact that this man is employed by an NGO that seeks to empower women., his outlook is set firmly in the tiny little box that his 'community' allows. 

The first argument he gave in favour of child marriages was a very cliche'd "why bother educating girls when all they have to do is take care of the house?" this while more than half his co-workers are women. 

the second was "these people are poor, they cannot afford to feed and take care of girls". This when his co-workers are active contributors to the family coffers and he himself is working with women's financial self help groups.

third- "madamji people say bad things about women who roam around outside the house and tallk to strange men" THIS when i was sitting in the office of the NGO with him alone and having this discussion.. so did that  mean that according to this man I and all teh wormen working in his pffice were not worthy of his 'respect' because we were out of our houses?? 

he apologised for the last remark though when he realised that i had taken serious offence to al his arguments. He stubbornly refused to take back his arguments though, and as a last word, his closing argument was "madamji you belong to a different society. Here people respect you because you are from a different social strata and are educated. No one sees you as a 'single young girl' here. You are the "Vakil Madamji".

so when the society refuses to give these girls and boys any identity beyond their membership of the family, when their aspirations, their very existence as a rational being is denied, is it really a surprise that the government needs to take seemingly weird, drastic measures to ensure that laws are complied with?

This is the news item that prompted this post:

Bharatpur admin makes DoB of bride, groom must on wedding card

PTI | 06:03 PM,Mar 31,2012

Jaipur, Mar 31 (PTI) To check child marriages, Bharatpur district administration in Rajasthan has taken an unique initiative of making it mandatory to print date of birth of the bride and groom on wedding invitation cards. A circular was issued on Thursday, directing all press owners in the district to print the cards only after taking age proof of bride and groom. "Legal action will be taken against such press and registration would be cancelled if they fail to do it...To check that they are following the guidelines, we will conduct surprise check," Bharatpur District Collector Gaurav Goyal said today. "The step is aimed at ensuring that no child marriage takes place on the upcoming occasion of Aakha Teej," he said, adding that the order is for two months now and may extend further. Child marriages are rampant on the occasion of Akshya Tritiya particularly in rural areas in the state.

yes i'm addicted to mills & boon but Titanic spoiled me for all other romances :)

The feeling that you can dance and be happy and just completely leave who you were and who you had to be just because you had someone to indulge that madness in you...
The feeling of utter freedom as you stand at the edge, with a person you trust right beside you...

The feeling of absolute sensuousness when you lie back and have THAT person just look at you with absolute fascination in their eyes....
the feeling of hope, when you're almost dying and someone tells you to hold on for them....
the feeling of strength when you have someone stand beside you and tell you that you can escape the shackles that bind you......
the feeling of wonder at the panorama of life that opens up in front of you, because you finally opened your eyes to look.......

and not to mention the gorgeousness of the blue eyes and golden hair that was Leonardo Di Caprio all those years ago...

TITANIC IS RE-RELEASING PEOPLE!!! and i'm in LUUURRRRRVE again!!

lets talk about Sex baby...

how does one define 'morality'?
doesn't public morality change practically with every generation? even with every new development?


whats 'natural' and whats 'unnatural'? or the even vaguer 'NORMAL'? when you have 7 billion people on the planet, and several million ways of doing things, then what defines 'normal'?


is it 'normal' to hate someone just because they do things differently, even when what they do is not affecting anyone at all?
why is it 'normal' to look down upon half the population because they weren't born into the right family or community or gender?
how is it 'normal' to live in fear and cover up when one steps out or lie about one's family or sexual preference to protect oneself?
how is it 'normal' to conform at the point of a sword, literally being killed for not following social diktats?


just yesterday, Fali S. Nariman stood up for the rights of Homosexuals in court and stated that

things had changed so much in recent years that family planning and population control now find a place in the Constitution. “What are the petitioners moralising about? In 1860, the thoughts that prevailed were of a different kind. We live in different times. We have to move with the times.”

(the Hindu March 2, 2012)


but then, he made a statement that completely perplexes me..


"any homosexual act may be unnatural but not against the order of nature"


what IS this 'natural' and 'unnatural' in today's context anyway?
Victorian England was of the opinion that sex was simply for procreation and therefore 'unnatural sex' was the sort that did not fall within the boundaries of sex for procreation between a man and a woman. but in that era, Sex per se was not something that was 'allowed' by polite society.. it was hidden away as a 'Baser instinct' and hallowed into a sacred task between man and wife for the furtherance of the species. 


And even THEY knew that this opinion was a load of crap because Sex for pleasure existed way before some church decided to restrict pleasure for the sake of religion.
so why does today's supposedly secular modern society have such a view of sexuality? 


the same country whose population rises by the millions each week keeps sex hidden away as a taboo topic. its a 'we shall not talk about safety or informed decision making because someone somewhere decided that simply banning a topic was enough to ensure that the consequences of the action would be minimised.....


if you don't talk about it, it will go away... but that doesn't happen now, does it?


Sex for pleasure exists, Homosexuality exists, AIDS exists, the ever increasing population EXISTS because people refuse to actually deal with sexuality and safety in a rational manner 
because 'polite society' doesn't talk about it


because apparently, talking about  it makes people want to do it.. because acknowledging the existence of something will make more people "experiment with deviant behavior" and "destroy our ancient culture"




what IS this morality that they're trying to protect????

Speak now

or forever hold your tongue....

That, i suppose is the gist of a lengthy debate on freedom of expression, censorship and cyber laws that i attended today.
surrounded by several rather well known/notorious/ seriously active activist- blogger- thinkers, i was wondering where a discussion that has all the potential to disintegrate into pure intellectual- political state anti establishment rhetoric will actually go.. While for a bit it did veer into the "the state of affairs is rather depressing" mode, the end result of the conference was actually a strong resolve to involve people and evolve a strategy to ensure that cyberspace atleast remains as free as we can keep it.. Ultimately, it is upto the users of cyberspace to crate as much awareness as possible to ensure their own safety, privacy and freedom to say and write anything and everything they want...


So what IS it that a simple person sitting in some corner of the country do?

• SPEAK UP.. if there is anyone who is trying to shut down your voice, speak louder.. contact other bloggers, develop a network that will ultimately ensure that if you are unduly harassed then you have backup.
• NETWORK. create a support system. not just for yourself but also for every other person out there who is after all trying simply to be heard in this cacophonic world.
• SELF REGULATE. No one else has the right to tell you what to say or not say.. but try and stay away from deliberately insulting anyone or saying things that you would deem offensive if you were talking to friends about. it is quite strange that all discussions about censorship and regulation portray 'government' and 'corporations' as the big bad wolf threatening to huff puff and blow away our right of free speech, but ultimately MOST bloggers will self censor their own posts or comments on their blog with an eye on how their family/society/friends/ sensibilities will react. Ultimately, the government is only policing once "somebody" has deemed something offensive. Even in today's world, it is not so much the threat of the law coming down on our heads but a more sophisticated version of "Log Kya Kahenge" that governs most of one's actions.So please, avoid tension, outrage and possible lawsuits, and refrain from saying things that you wouldn't want said about you without proper proof..

oh and before i forget.. THANK YOU to the Internet Democracy Project and everyone at today's conference for the amazingly informative day 

Make Blog not War!!

sooo... THIS is what i will be doing next weekend :)

lets see how it goes

aaaannd I shall be posting more about this once the event is done.. 

lets see how well the last three years as a law student have taught me..

 MAKE BLOG NOT WAR
A Freedom of Expression Training for Bloggers
An initiative of the Internet Democracy Project

Are you a blogger and interested in deepening your understanding of Internet censorship and freedom of expression as they play out in India?
Would you like to know more about the ways in which such issues may affect you directly?
As a blogger, do you see yourself has having an important stake in the freedom of expression debate?

Then this is your chance. The Internet Democracy Project is organising a training on freedom of expression and censorship for bloggers on 25 February 2012. In the course of this day-long program, a mix of short lectures and more interactive sessions will take you through:
-        the history of censorship in India and its current status;
-        the legal framework regarding online censorship and the ways in which it may affect you;
-        debates on difficult questions such as where and how to draw the line where hate speech is concerned;
-        what to do if you are served a legal notice;
-        alternatives to censorship to fight problematic content;
and much more. Throughout the training, we will of course be paying particular attention to how all of this may affect your blog and yourself.

As the training aims to be highly interactive and will draw to a significant extent on participants’ experiences and inputs, there will be space for only fifteen select and experienced bloggers. They will be joined by four trainers: lawyer and law and tech blogger Apar Gupta; documentary film maker Bishakha Datta; literary critic, journalist and blogger Nilanjana Roy; and the Internet Democracy Project's  Anja Kovacs.

are you still here? i miss you......

What do I know of you? or us…..


Maybe my memory is playing tricks

We used to talk.. did we not??

Of everything and nothing…

or am I mistaken???

The good things and the bad,

the songs in our minds and the nightmares in our souls

Of dreams and our memories,

hopes and desires

What have we lost in all these years?

The words? The voice?

Or have we lost Us……?

Maybe I just don’t remember it right… who knows…….

you asked me how i felt last night...

so you say i'm not tough enough
and then when i am, i'm heartless
and if i change my mind, i'm frivolous
and if i don't i'm stubborn..
if i take a stand, i don't see other sides
if i do, i'm confused
so what IS it that would be right.....

wow..

so i came across this amazing story about a poem describing Radha's anger at Krishna for abandoning her...

love-sex-aur-maafi- OPEN Magazine

I'm glad that in a country full of people who so adore to protest against any piece that in an manner whatsoever criticises a God's divinity, such works exist and are being appreciated...

Mills n boon fever

would you marry someone you didn't "love" because your parents chose them for you and you can't come up with any earthly reason except "but I don't think it'll work out" for saying no...???

i'm wondering just what it is that people "see" in an arranged marriage... how does one check for compatibility, common interests, that elusive 'spark' when both are under pressure and performing a role in accordance with society's wishes???

but then, how much do you really know a person even when you've been dating for a while??

 Does that "kissed till their senses swam, and she swooned in his arms" chemistry really exist????
love stories really do generate unrealistic expectations...

The Dignity of Court

I pray for the indulgence of the HONORABLE court and my esteemed colleagues and seniors, but as a woman, I present this case solely from the woman's perspective.

One would imagine the Delhi High Court to be full of well educated, genteel people who twist and turn the interpretations of the Law to suit their clients' interests. However, today I learnt that no matter what you may perceive on seeing the black coat and gown and band, the MAN triumphs over the Gentleman.... Today, 13th January 2012, a Male Advocate of the Delhi High Court first misbehaved with and then slapped a Lady advocate IN court.
there may ofcourse exist numerous variations in the story depending on one's political/gendered/hearsay perspective. the facts on record so far stand thus:

There were two lawyers, one male and one Female present before the Joint Registrar's Court, a crowded room, presenting arguments over a matter.
The gentleman in question jostled against the lady, who told him to stand back.
the gentleman after a heated altercation, put his hand on the lady's chest and pushed her. More than once.
The lady slapped him
the gentleman slapped her in retaliation...

There were several people present in court and the number of slaps and the number of pushes are unclear. There are several versions of this story.

But the facts that each story contains are.
he touched her- she slapped him- he slapped her back.

You would expect any person who accidentally brushes against you to simply apologise and move away. this man didn't. He  got aggressive- he pushed her, touching her Breast in the process. and instead of apologising, shouted at her and slapped her!

the registrar after some efforts to pacify the situation there reported the matter to the Chief Justice of the Delhi High court. the CJ, after hearing both sides and a few other people who were present on the scene held the man in Contempt of Court and punished him. His punishment- Judicial Custody for 7 days and Disbarment for 2 months.

and the High court erupted.
there were many many male lawyers who were outraged at the fact that a lady lawyer had slapped a man in court. several others refused to let a member of the Bar be sent to Jail.
To their credit, there were many more lawyers who felt that the man in question had been sent off lightly after he had compromised the dignity of the Court,

but as of Five PM, the order sending this man to jail had not been passed. There was an active lobby trying to ensure that he didn't go to jail, and there were people questioning the credentials of the Lady in question and dismissing her complaint as false... The Chief Justice was trying to create a compromise wherein the man tendered an apology and the Jail sentence could be dismissed.

 Worse still, elements of regionalism, sexism and communalism had crept in to the discussion.
the Man belongs to Bihar- The woman shouldn't have slapped him

Is THAT what is more important than the fact that a so called officer or the court had seriously misbehaved with a Lady officer of the Court?

A woman has been molested and humiliated in front of colleagues, clients and court officials. And there are people protesting against punishing the Man responsible!
what message does that send out to the men of this country? do whatever you want and just say sorry, all will be forgiven?? or that if you're aggressive enough and shout enough we'll make sure the women shut up and not say a word when you molest them?


EDITED TO ADD------------------------

The advocate concerned was finally sent to Judicial custody for 7 days and disbarred for 2 months.

Most Humbly Prayeth

Today in Court, for the first time in my life, i find myself wondering just what kind of people pass the Bar and get to positions of responsibility and respectability.. The petition by Google and Facebook etc against the Government is being heard in the Delhi High Court and  from today's discussion it seemed rather like some of the court officers were either HIGH or had never in their lives used the Internet.


sample this...

Counsel: your lordship if the state can only tell us where the offending material is available we will make efforts to remove that material"
His Honour: very well counsel, the offending photograph is available on &$^%&.com.
Counsel: your lordship this is merely the name of the website. that is like telling us the picture is in Delhi. If your lordship may be kind enough to tell us the URL we will take steps to block that URL
Opposing counsel: lordship when we give them the website they tell us its not sufficient. what is a URL??? will they only take some steps if some offending pictures of their own family members will pop up on the internet?? we have told them the name of the website, now they should block it!
Every one in Court: huh????????????????????????????????
His Honour: Mr Counsel you must show this Court that you are serious about taking care of offensive content otherwise we will have to become like China and block everything!
Someone in Court: WTF just happened dude!..................

seriously, have these people NEVER used the internet????????


DISCLAIMER: there are almost verbatim transcript of the last few minutes of conversation in the courtroom today.. I most Humbly pray that His Lordship excuse my young self and forbear to sentence me for contempt of court since I found myself unable to stop myself from expressing myself under my constitutionally granted freedom of speech and have nowhere made any remarks which are offensive or disparaging of this court's dignity.  (the opening sentences were inserted by google.. I SWEAR!)

The petition hearings are in open court and i'm just waiting to see what the newspapers write tomorrow about this thing after the beautiful proceedings today.

Insomnia.... ;)

there are days when i can't sleep without hearing your voice... there are days when i fall asleep listening to you talk.. and there are days like today when i'm awake half the night and you're out like a light and i really really wanna wake you and have you talk me to sleep but i can't..
i just wish my insomnia didn't act up so much....

.........................................................

i watched a whole bunch of random movies today... courtesy of a fever and cold that kept me home from work... i REALLY should concentrate more on work...

so as everyone with a brain had predicted, the lokpal bill is back to gathering dust...

i haven't written anything on the blog in a very long time.. i havn't even had an opportunity to read the blogs i follow for a while.. blame it all on my technological ignorance because somehow i'd managed to halt my laptop's ability to function... 

anyway,

There have been many many things i should've written about.. 

As predicted, the lokpal bill is back on the backburner while politicians who pretended to favour the bill have hidden behind issues of caste and representation and 'fairness' ... though i find myself absolutely unable to understand why the question of reservation in a body like this ever came up.. the criteria should be whether the person has any allegations of corruption against them, and have a certain level of education.. and the backbone to stand up and tell powerful people that they are on to them... but what do i know of politics and policy, i'm just a humble student...

The comments made by some "people in power" about what a girl should wear to avoid rape were true gems... now if they could just explain why i'm still getting whistled at when in a salwar kameez and shawl and coat with even my hair covered up because the Delhi winters are murderously cold... i would supposed i "invited" the eve teasing were i strutting around in an LBD, but why would these "decent men" be "enticed" by someone who looks like a bear???? 

the new year has come in and we're all waiting to see if 2012 will actually be the end of the world.. i'm sorta hoping it will because my parents are getting increasingly agitated about my marriage and once i'm done studying i won't have an excuse to stop them from "atleast looking for a suitable boy"... so here's hoping the Mayans were right.. but considering they also thought that people were made of corn i'm not so sure my prayers will get answered... plus the Hindu calendar never ends and being an Indian i'm gonna have to believe that one...

forgive my lack of sunshine and roses... January 2012 has been a bang up month so far...and to top it all off Sachin never got that 100th ton...

i think i'll stay in bed and watch movies till the apocalypse.. oh wait.........