Insomnia

I dreamed of you last night
of promises made, and broken
of tears and lashing guilt
of a past that would never go away

i dreamed
of second chances given hundred times
of pain suffocated laughter
of unbridgeable chasms

of nightmares running in circles
of monsters chased
of cuts that throbbed
and pain that stayed

i dreamed
of a mirror i couldn't meet
of things unsayable

i dreamed of you last night
and in my dream
we came awake......

take a walk at dusk and this is the worst that can happen...

i have to leave this place
the walls, the stones, the trees, all so achingly familiar and just as painfully a trap.. this is where i'm left every single night after the day is done.. after the work is over, its time for everyone to go home and for me to return to this beautiful cage where memories live

some say i'm crazy to want to leave... its the most beautiful place.. full of magic, softness, stillness, memories... a place where i belong...
and yet it is the place i feel the most alone.. where things are always as they "were".. there's no 'are' or 'will be'

go back to your roots, find what makes you happy

it hit me yesterday while walking down that familiar, seldom used road.. how much i've left behind, how much of ME i've lost... strains of melodies on the wind tug me back to a happier person and a calmer life which went away with childhood games..

you were right... once you know what it is that you're missing you miss it all the more.. when you don't know quite what it is, atleast that aching emptiness is still formless and vague.. it can easily be put away for more important things.. knowing what is wrong makes you restless till you can actually have what you're missing.

we have got to have those songs back in our lives...

jo bhi chaahe tu woh ban jaave

so i finally heard this song today... and these lyrics have made me fall in love with it!!






Tu hawa paani, aag hai
tu daga daani daag hai
jo bhi chaahe tu woh ban jaave re..


hai bana mera dil khuda 
hai khuda kab mujhse juda
khud ko dhoonde to usko paave re

the video is a bit weird coz katrina kaif does not look comfortable on the stage or with a guitar but i love her makeup and the overall look..
guess i will go watch this move after all.. if only for the music and sheer silliness of it... i need a funny movie to watch

Break up season?

“we’re just not compatible”, “we fight so much, how can we work things out”, “this is not going to work out ya.. we have got to break up”

I’m hearing these sentences with alarming regularity these days… is it Break up season???

Somehow I’m playing agony aunt to people I never thought I would be having heartfelt conversations with… a friend’s girlfriend called me to tell me why they broke up and why it’s the best plan. A very close friend is trying to get rid of a guy who is rapidly turning into a stereotypical “crazy ex”... my favorite couple seem to be under major strains, and other assorted couples I know are not exactly as happy happy joy joy as I’m used to seeing them..  Couples all around seem to be having a hard time…

And for a change these days the AB and I have actually been having rational, grownup conversations… sure the rationality also told us that being a couple was the worst idea ever but atleast we did it after a hug and a sane conversation instead of a shouting match like all the other times we’ve gone down this road…

Seriously… is it breakup season??

I thought the monsoons were supposed to be this awesomely romantic time n all that jazz.. the long walks in the rain, the tea and conversation while the water pours against the windows, the long drives, cuddling up against the thunder and lightning… I know movie romances don’t really translate to reality but this is getting ridiculous…

Maybe its so messed up coz we're all trying to find happily ever afters outside of disney movies.. :(

Divide and conquer- how the LOKPAL BILL will soon be lost

So politics has now begun with full force to ensure obfuscation of issues regarding the lokpal bill. Powerful, influential people have come up to poke holes in the Anna hazare led movement for a lokpal bill by resurrecting old bogies and trying to discredit the demand by criticizing the manner in which it is being made.

At the outset, I must confess that I do not agree with a lot of provisions of the ‘Jan lokpal’ bill. It is impractical, and frankly envisages an extra-constitutional body that will eliminate the separation of powers doctrine enshrined in our constitution. If we come to practical reasons, investing such great power on a body will require people who understand the whole ballyhoo about great power and great responsibility and we don’t really have any old folks around here with Spiderman or Superman’s sense of morality. The absolute power that ‘Team Anna’ wants to give will, corrupt the persons vested with it.

However, it’s not that old chestnut I’m trying to discuss. Its the fact that now three groups have put forward three bills and a fourth hat will get thrown into the ring tomorrow.

According to NDTV’s 9 ‘o clock news yesterday, a Dalit leader Mr. Udit Raj has said that since there are no Dalits in the upper echelons of team Anna, and indeed some of the team members are anti- reservationists, it is not possible that Dalit needs will be met by the proposed bill. It is therefore incumbent upon the backward classes to put forward their own version titled the ‘Bahujan Lokpal Bill’, which was to be released today at a rally for the SC/ST/OBC people of the country. I must admit that its nearly 8 pm now and I haven’t heard a word on the news about this particular bill so far.

A couple of days ago a ‘Muslim Leader’ came on TV and claimed that since Anna had been supported by the RSS at some point , Muslims in the country could not possible benefit from anything that he or his team propose.

The ‘Civil Society’ leaders such as Aruna Roy and others have already criticized the bill for its impracticality and unconstitutionality.



It is this political ploy that has me worried about the future of this sudden mass movement. Once these old ghosts come charging into the public psyche, the larger issue of corruption will fade into the background and the parliament and people will happily go back to squabbling about the representation of backward classes and minorities in the lokpal bill. It is the greatest weapon in the armory of the political class. These ghosts are what have denied the passing of the Women’s reservation bill in the parliament all these years because the ‘minority’ and ‘Backward’ concerns apparently get threatened by reservation for women. Now it seems that the lack of a ‘Dalit’ or a ‘Muslim’ leader in the team behind the India against Corruption campaign is going to derail the entire dialogue and make sure that politicians have a convenient excuse to hide behind and delay presentation and discussion of the bill. What I fail to understand is how any community can consider that an anti – corruption bill is potentially harmful to the interests of any community. And why are our people so intensely hardwired to prioritize communal considerations that a universal issue like corruption is getting sidelined by the questions of community representation.



It’s ironic really that today is also the first time that I’ve heard a member of team Anna admit that the parliament “ofcourse” is entitled to discuss, amend and change the proposed bill and finally might just pass a different act altogether. Swami Agnivesh in an interview to NDTV today finally admitted that it is not that they want the bill as proposed to get passed, they want the Jan Lokpal Bill to be tabled, discussed, amended if needed and then an Act passed by the end of August. It’s the first time they haven’t stubbornly said that the Jan lokpal bill must be made into an act as it is.