bouncing owls :)

i'm so happy i can barely contain my excitement... my sleepy owl of a brother is finally getting married!!! and a love marriage at that.. i can't imagine how my poor bhabi- to- be puts up with him but i'm sooooo happy for both of them that i just had to jump around and tell the world :)

speaking of putting up with crazies... Ati has decided to go gallivanting off out of town to celebrate the approaching end of her college life, using ME as the excuse to her mom who thinks she's spending the night at my house.. when i tried to use elder-sisterly authority to forbid her trip she simply modified her plans to counter all possible objections that i could raise.. and i can hardly stop a 20 year old from doing what she wants as long as she's taking the safe route.. she reminded me of all the silly stunts i've pulled in my college life to counter my "oh its not safe" reasoning.. thank god for friends who graciously stepped in to relieve my fears.. shruti, whose currently studying in that city happily promised to help out if required and AB found a distant cousin who could be approached for help if need be.. ofcourse they both chewed me out for letting her do something that hairbrained.. though AB did agree with ati that i really had no foot to stand on as regarded irresponsible behavior done behind parents' backs... but she is like a kid sister to me and i know i'm gonna be freaking till she gets back to sweet old delhi tomorrow and i can shake her till her bones rattle... 

however.. the fact remains that i am somewhere rather jealous and i wish I could be off doing something that silly.. not to mention the fact that she's gonna see the tajmahal on a misty morning...

siiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................

cruel intentions

She comes up the escalator to find him waiting for her at a place he wasn’t supposed to know she’d be…


“I’m impressed.”

He smiles, and takes the step that brings them within touching distance..

“well.. I’m in love”

and they kiss,,,,


I know it’s a stupid movie.. but this has been on my most romantic scenes ever list since I watched Cruel Intentions as an impressionable young teen,,, bad- boy- turned- good.. how much more mills n boon-ey can u get….

faking it

The world is based on lies really
Look around, how many people do you think are there who actually say what they mean and mean what they say..
everyone is constantly faking it.. a smile, concern, interest, pleasure, pressure, involvement, indifference. No one really cares what anyone wants.. but somehow everyone cares what the other person thinks. Everyone wants a good impression. No one wants to be the guy who made a faux pas by actually speaking his mind. .. from the sleep deprived mother who says she’s so happy with her baby to the teenager who fakes love and concern to get laid to the wife who touches her mom in laws feet to the boss who just wants the job done to the husband who really wants some me time to the child who wants some attention to the kid who wants to be left alone... everyone everywhere is just so afraid to say what’s really on their mind.. afraid to face up to what they really feel And i wonder why that is.. even as i follow my fellow beings in this endless deception i wonder why it is this way. Why is it such a crime to want something else? Its so deeply ingrained in us that half our responses are completely automatic. We don’t have to THINK before playing that role no matter how badly we may be chafing inside against the imposition. Not playing that part is somehow tougher than playing a part that you don’t want to play but do it anyway...

hey! i'm still here...

I've been so blank lately that i have to consciously think while i type this... usually this stuff just flows out coz thee are things i wanna get out of my system... this post seemed almost necessary to tell ppl that i'm still here... someone left a comment on my last post recently asking me if i'd shifted my blog somewhere else coz there was nothing new for a while...i havent written in a long time... not just on the blog but anywhere.. haven't so much as filled a page of my diary in a while... lots going on i guess...

1st... i'm addicted to tv... borrowed a 500gb hard drive from a friend and been glued to the laptop for a while.. my dad would probably wanna kill me if he reads this.. but i watched the entire first three seasons of Supernatural.. and i now have only three episodes left on the fourth season... and other assorted movies and tv shows.. this one i mentioned coz its got me so hooked i'm having withdrawal symptoms as i write this... dad's taken the laptop away for the night so i'm on the PC and cannot watch the remaining episodes..

2nd..been spending a lot of time with family.. my babaji (paternal grandfather) passed away two weeks ago.. i cleared out his files a couple of days ago.. he was a criminal lawyer, and as a law student it fell on me to put his papers in order so we could give the appropriate files to the clients... it was weird sorting out his work like that... files and files of cases that have taken him so long to create.. and now i just pulled out his handwritten notes from the files and packed them up for the clients.. the family's spent more time together the last two weeks than we had in ages though... so thats been good... all the cousins and aunts and uncles together... i'd forgotten just how large and noisy my family was..

3rd.. been strangely blank for a while now...i think the love lives of my friends are affecting my moods lately... tiny broke up with her bf, and that was a couple of upsetting days... coz she was rather broken up about the way it ended... Bt has also been having problems with her bf, worst has been that ati's been having a bad time of it n i've been worried about her... heck i see her as a baby sister even though she's 20.. and i do really wanna beat up that idiot boyfriend of hers for making my baby sis cry... but i've pretty much kept out of it except when ati wants to talk..
the only good part is that rave n sj celebrated their anniversary a couple of months ago.. they've gotten closer and stronger as a couple, ofcourse that also means that now when i hang out with them i feel like i'm intruding into eye contact conversations and allusions to stuff others ppl dont know about.. hanging out with a loving couple is a bit hard on a single person.. plus AB n i have been talking a lot lately and that is never really all that good for my sanity..

so thats just about it... a roundup of the thoughts in my head as of rt now... shall put up something better when i get around to writing it...

thank you by the way.. whoever that anonymous commentor was... you made my day.. ppl actually read my blog and wonder when i don't post.. :)

its complicated.

Relationships are weird at this age... in college, you thought that the relationship you’re in would last forever, u do silly things like plan futures.. then reality sets in and u realise that you’ve changed as a person from when things began,.. so things have to end.. and it hurts.. when reality and the future encroach on this idyllic world you’ve built for yourself..

I see far too many unhappy couples around me lately..When reality has begun to make its presence felt.. when career and marriage and future are not abstract anymore but decisions to be taken in the very near future.. when your actions have an impact on the life of the people around you and you’re now grown up enough to see and realise the opportunity cost of living in your dream world...

The thought of the end is terrifying.. coz that person’s been a part of your life for so long.. you’ve grown up together, changed into the person you are now, together.. and suddenly it seems like the fit has gone wrong.. the parts that you played in each other’s life suddenly become unsustainable.. do you cut your losses and run? Or do u fight to keep going when every step gets harder than the last??

And when u come to a place where going ahead seems impossible, you teeter on the brink and wonder which way to go... it’s the hurt and the fear that is uppermost then..  how could this happen? Does this not matter anymore? Why does it feel like i’m the only one who wants this to work?

I also see people who’ve come to terms with what the future will hold... they know that they have to part someday.. and yet the thought of parting now is impossible... ‘we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”.. and yet they live in the shadow of that inevitable departure.. afraid to make themselves more vulnerable, afraid to leave and start over..

It takes a long time to heal after losing love.. there are things that you cannot bear to do, places you cannot go to, nights that you can’t sleep..

I sat around talking to a friend today who recently broke up with someone after 5 years of being together.. and she says that she doesn’t know how to deal with the loss of a future she had planned with him.. another feels suffocated and neglected in her relationship but doesn’t know how to let go of someone she’s spent years with.. another guy is afraid to acknowledge how much being with this girl means to him because he can’t guarantee that they will survive life after college..yet another can't seem to deal with the drama he went through just a short while ago..

and i find myself wondering where all this heartache stems from.. how does one untangle oneself from the complications and deal with the real issues in life..


how has humanity survived romance this long.........

“Just because you haven’t seen her yet doesn’t mean she isn’t out there... the one you’re meant to be with...”

“I never see anyone but you bella, even when i close my eyes n try to see someone else.. I only see you...”