and it is just fitting that my 260th post in the sixth year of my blog is about you guys.. :)

I've wanted to see the festivities at Durga Puja in a 'real' Bengali setting for a while now... i have seen the 'car'zy crowded gala that is the 'visarjan' at the Yamuna's ghat once.. preceded by the last couple of minutes of dancing and 'gulaal' throwing and stuff at the Kalibari in central Delhi, arguably one of the biggest in Delhi... I have even seen the huuuuge pandals and crowds of the CR park Pujos... but that was all assignment for work.. THIS year, (and i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that i actually get it) i'm gonna be attending the pre- visarjan festivities WITH FRIENDS!!!

so tinni, sap, sasthi, shippy... here's hoping the morning's plan works out :)
and i want some niiiice food!!

Shubho Vijayadashami!!! (hope i spelt it right)
n Happy Dusssehra!!!!!!!!!!

hope you all have great fun

consent, sexual abuse and "love"... how does one judge?

so a senior of mine sent me a mail about a discussion regarding this Article in the Times of India..
I invite all to comment.

the text of the article is this:

‘Love not crime’, teen’s lover freed

TIMES NEWS NETWORK 

New Delhi: “The act of falling in love cannot be punished in the way other criminals are punished”. With this observation, a trial court acquitted a 22-year-old on charges of raping his 15-year-old girlfriend, although it held him guilty of kidnapping as he had not taken the consent of her parents. The girl went missing on April 1, 2010, on which her father lodged a complaint that she had been kidnapped. She, however, returned home after a week. The teenager told the court that she had gone on an “outing” to Haridwar with her lover of her own will. The court also noted that the relationship between the two was later approved by both families. Convicting Sanjay, a resident of Jahangirpuri, on charges of kidnapping, additional sessions judge Anju Bajaj Chandna sentenced him to three months in jail, but the term was set aside against the imprisonment he had already undergone during trial. “It is clear that emotion of love and affection compelled the convict to take this step wherein he failed to acknowledge the presence and sanctity of consent of the parents of the girl,” the court said.

“Sanjay is a young man and is in the process of making his career and future. In my opinion, no purpose would be served by sending him behind bars where he would be living in the company of hardened criminals.”

The judge added that the three months which Sanjay spent in jail was sufficient to teach him a 

“Sanjay is a young man and is in the process of making his career and future. In my opinion, no purpose would be served by sending him behind bars where he would be living in the company of hardened criminals.”

The judge added that the three months which Sanjay spent in jail was sufficient to teach him a “Sanjay is a young man and is in the process of making his career and future. In my opinion, no purpose would be served by sending him behind bars where he would be living in the company of hardened criminals.” The judge added that the three months which Sanjay spent in jail was sufficient to teach him a lesson.

The prosecution alleged that said that the girl returned home on April 8, 2010, when a case was registered against Sanjay that he had kidnapped her and raped her.

The girl, however, told the court that she had gone to Haridwar with Sanjay for an outing on her own free will. The court refused to accept Sanjay's submission that he had not forced the girl to accompany him, saying the minor's consent was not valid. “I am of the opinion that even if no force has been used, the offence of kidnapping would be made out,” the judge said.

The prosecution alleged that said that the girl returned home on April 8, 2010, when a case was registered against Sanjay that he had kidnapped her and raped her.

The girl, however, told the court that she had gone to Haridwar with Sanjay for an outing on her own free will. The court refused to accept Sanjay's submission that he had not forced the girl to accompany him, saying the minor's consent was not valid. “I am of the opinion that even if no force has been used, the offence of kidnapping would be made out,” the judge said. The prosecution alleged that said that the girl returned home on April 8, 2010, when a case was registered against Sanjay that he had kidnapped her and raped her. The girl, however, told the court that she had gone to Haridwar with Sanjay for an outing on her own free will. The court refused to accept Sanjay's submission that he had not forced the girl to accompany him, saying the minor's consent was not valid. “I am of the opinion that even if no force has been used, the offence of kidnapping would be made out,” the judge said.

and the text of the mail was this:



This article appeared in Times of India, Pune edition on 26th Sep, 2011? Under IPC section 375, this should be a case of child sexual abuse because the girl is 15 years old and the abuser is 22 years old. Do you think this is a justified exception since age of consent is an artificial delineation and ignores the reality that younger adolescents may also be indulging in sexual activities? Do you think the judge is being humane in not criminalizing a consensual romantic relationship since the girl has declared her consent to the sexual relationship?
Is this a dangerous precedent? Does it leave too much to the discretion of the judge? Will it lead to failure of the law to protect young children from sexual abuse? We think the article raises a lot of tricky questions related to child protection and law. 

My reply to this email was the following



If i may put forward my views..
yes, decriminalising consensual sex is the need of the hour. adolescents today are much more aware of their minds and bodies and are exposed to a lot of inputs from all over the word. However, we will be missing a very essential point if we only take into account the fact that the girl says that she gave consent out of 'love'. further, what this question here is doing is assuming that "love" essentially involves sexual relations.

while i agree with sir (a previous email from another lawyer that said that consent is important because children are often punished under such laws) that "love is a delicate and soft emotion", it is, at the end an Emotion which is very transient and can easily be confused with infatuation or plain pressure. 

I personally know of situations where school and college students feel the need to consummate their "love" because of peer pressure... "you will say yes if you love me" is a much used line and not just in movies.. friends, movies etc a encourage exploration of sexuality. I can't take a national perspective but in elite schools of Delhi, losing one's virginity before leaving school is rapidly becoming a way of adding to one's "coolness". it gets even worse in colleges where being "single' is an invitation for taunts.

moreover, for someone as young as 15, there is ample scope for confusion between "love" and hormones... at that age, 'love' usually is a overdose of hormones.

the problem is of how one defines consent... and how one judges whether the person concerned is capable of giving consent..
as for the case that was mentioned in the email, i find it impossible to believe that the 22 year old in question did not know the age of the girl he was supposedly in "love" with. Nor do i believe that this 22 year old could not have waited for the girl to be a little more mature if he really "loved" her.
the sole reason why society governs sexual relationships is because society as a whole has to bear the burden if this "love" results in the production of a child/transmission of STDs/ mental or physical abuse of the girl or boy. we are running nationwide campaigns asking parents to not get their daughters married before age 18. one major point in the campaign is that she is NOT physically ready for sexual relations or childbearing. why then are we assuming that a teenager will be aware of safe sex practices or will in a situation where they think they're "in love" even stop to think of the consequences of their actions???

a 15 year old is a class 10 student. when the education system has been made easier and external examinations done away with on the premise that these children are "unable to handle the pressure", HOW does one imagine they can handle the pressure of a relationship??

Sure, two 15 year old having consensual sex should not be punished because neither of them really know better.. but a 22 year old, asking a 15 year old for sex in a "romantic relationship"???? i fail to agree that "consent" was there in such a relationship. If one of the partners was old enough to know better, they deserve to be punished for breaking the law..
I agree that consensual sex should not be punished... But i fail to read "consent" in a relationship that is as unequal as the one described in this case.

a child is but clay.. life molds him any which way

I have been volunteering with the Juvenile Justice board's legal aid cell this past week and for the next couple of weeks.. and each day as i read more files, interact with more children, hear more of their stories and see the despair/defiance in their eyes, i come home wondering about the future of these children.. because they ARE children... 10-12 year old boys working with pickpocket gangs, 15 year olds convicted of rape, attempted murder, robbery...
and all because no one taught them better... these are children of parents who barely have time or energy to look after the child's mental and emotional welfare after working all day to ensure that there is food on the table.. most of them drop out of schools which are little more than overcrowded rooms with minimal teaching facilities.. they get introduced to substances like correction fluid, smack, ganja etc by adults/ other children who then gradually lead them to a life of crime.. t starts with petty thefts to feed the drug habit, and then graduates into grievous crimes including robbery and murder...

The law says that these children have to be treated not as criminals but as children who have lost their way.. "Juveniles in conflict with Law". there is an entire statute, the Juvenile Justice (care &protection) Act 2000 to ensure their safety and rehabilitation.. there is an elaborate system that has been envisaged on paper, that people are trying o bring into existence slowly.. legal aid, education, skill training etc are given to these children free of cost..
and yet the atmosphere in the Juvenile Justice Board room is that these children must have done something wrong coz they just belong to that kind of background.. i met a mother in the last few days who refused to take her child back from the observation home because she couldn't deal with his addiction or his constant clashes with the law.. i've seen a father ask the board to keep his son in the children's home in the hope taht his child will learn something good from the experience.. I've seen a little boy who barely look s10 years old be charged with theft, keeping stolen goods, and causing hurt with dangerous weapon... all this while the child in question stands around sullen or bewildered about what is happening

these children don't get security of a caring family, or education, or even protective friends..
thats why they take drugs and alcohol and indulge in antisocial and illegal activities.. i recently met a 15 year old drug and alcohol addict who had cut gashes on his entire arm with a blade to help him get a better high while drinking.. his father is an alcoholic and his mother passed away years ago.. he is now completely addicted coz there is no one to see him at home and there is no negative reinforcement of his criminal behaviour outside of  the court..

i wonder how different this boy's life would have been had both parents been there to help him and had actually given him a straight path....

Insomnia

I dreamed of you last night
of promises made, and broken
of tears and lashing guilt
of a past that would never go away

i dreamed
of second chances given hundred times
of pain suffocated laughter
of unbridgeable chasms

of nightmares running in circles
of monsters chased
of cuts that throbbed
and pain that stayed

i dreamed
of a mirror i couldn't meet
of things unsayable

i dreamed of you last night
and in my dream
we came awake......

take a walk at dusk and this is the worst that can happen...

i have to leave this place
the walls, the stones, the trees, all so achingly familiar and just as painfully a trap.. this is where i'm left every single night after the day is done.. after the work is over, its time for everyone to go home and for me to return to this beautiful cage where memories live

some say i'm crazy to want to leave... its the most beautiful place.. full of magic, softness, stillness, memories... a place where i belong...
and yet it is the place i feel the most alone.. where things are always as they "were".. there's no 'are' or 'will be'

go back to your roots, find what makes you happy

it hit me yesterday while walking down that familiar, seldom used road.. how much i've left behind, how much of ME i've lost... strains of melodies on the wind tug me back to a happier person and a calmer life which went away with childhood games..

you were right... once you know what it is that you're missing you miss it all the more.. when you don't know quite what it is, atleast that aching emptiness is still formless and vague.. it can easily be put away for more important things.. knowing what is wrong makes you restless till you can actually have what you're missing.

we have got to have those songs back in our lives...