am i just like you...?

i have no words.. this song does. and it captures my confusion and depression and hope all at once..

its a bit depressive, but i really like the music.. and the lyrics are nice...

Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction, you're loosing faith
You're wishing for someone,
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you?
All the things you do - can't help myself...

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How will you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?

Turning to face what you've become,
Buried the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you?
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How will you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?
All the things you do

Don't ever feel that you're alone
I'll never let you down, I'll never leave you dry
Don't fall apart, don't let it go
Carry the notion, carry the notion back to me, to me...

Feeling the moment slip away
Feeling the moment slip away

Cause I'm just like you

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How do you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?

happy birthday Brats! and thank you dear microwave :)

so the brats are now 15 years old! shock and awe is what my state of mind currently is... soon they'll get taller and turn from little boys (note to self: stop calling them that before they raise a ruckus) to men and will no longer need big sis for the little things..
but atleast today my boys are still boys.. and at 1:30 am i can proudly write that i was up late baking them cakes to take to school coz they wanted cake and i promised them that they will have it.. and for the only the second time in my life i made cake in the microwave since the old oven has been relegated to the storage cupboard high up on the wall and the ladder is now broken disallowing all access to said storage space..
brats were quite disappointed when mom pointed out that no oven meant no cake.. BUT i decided to risk it in the microwave anyway..(aren't i the greatest big sister EVER!)
and guess what.. the microwave is PERFECT for the brownies i make.. :) the only reason the cake got messed up the last time we tried the microwave was because we let it bake for too long.. tonight, thanks to a timely tip from SJ who i thankfully thought to ask, i only set the microwave for 10 mins.. and spent all that time worrying that it wouldn't be cooked in that short a time. i was too used to the half hour timing of the old oven. :)

so two perfectly LOVELY chocolate brownies ready for my brats' birthday :) yay!

where cats can be alive and dead, and wormholes are for people :)

A ‘what if' can create some completely insanely wonderful scenarios and ideas.. i’ve always been fascinated by fiction and science fiction since i was a kid.. i read Isaac Asimov novels in school and got pulled into comic books and was always surrounded by people who were heavily into ‘science-y’ stuff..  and i do read a lot.. whatever i can understand and assimilate and wrap my head around.. its astounding how much of what was once science fiction or mythology or ‘god-hood’ is now in the realm of reality, even if in not- practically- provable- theory part of reality..

Was watching this rather awesome program on Discovery Channel today about Stephen Hawking’s theories... reminded me of all the science fiction and star trek and comic books i’ve ever read.. all about timetravel and wormholes and quantum theories.. what made it doubly fun was that the brats were watching it with me and after a long time turned to me for explanation of what we were seeing.. its weird how my latent maternal instincts always come out when the brats ask questions.. questions they’re actually interested in knowing answers to... even though now that they’re 15 most of the time they already know a lot of things or dismiss half the things i say with curt scepticism.. but after quite a while today we were not only sitting and watching something together, i was as excited as they were and i actually had answers to things that they didn’t know...

Its funny how after a point science, science fiction, philosophy and religion seem to converge.. something as simple as ‘why is this a law of nature?’ is only answerable with a ‘because it IS’.. and the only answer to a ‘why’ after that ranges from an ‘I don’t know i’m not a theorist’ to ‘that is how god made it’...

Time travel, wormholes, speed and time, superman flying at faster than the speedof light to go back in time and prevent Lois Lane’s death, the USS Enterprise going warp speed through wormholes to cross immense distances, black holes and the time travel paradox, heck, Angels and demons had such a highly fictionalised account of the LHC and what matter- antimatter interaction would create..

I’ve spent this weekend watching the first two seasons of ‘Fringe’. Its a TV show thats aired in India on WB channel.. i got the first two seasons from a friend recently and have finished the firat season over the weekend and am 4 episodes into the second as of tonight.. i just might watch an episode or two before i go to sleep tonight as a matter of fact.. it is sooo much fun! Biochemistry, theoretical physics, nanotechnology, bio-physics, chemistry, its all there.. and its amazing how they’ve woven actual scientific theory with fiction and created such a beautifully moulded story... i mean, even though the essential story plot is strangely mundane.. what with governments and big multinationals using scientific discovery to prevent/provoke a war, people doing unethical things in the name of ‘greater good’ and a hero and heroine with seemingly limitless potential, bravery and strength taking on everyone, including the laws of nature and two universe-fulls of people.. and obviously they’re gonna fall for each other and then discover that they can’t stay together and there will be catastrophic events post which something or everything will end.. as will the series.. BUT.. the journey is so much more fascinating than the end and even the charted road.. coz its the things that happen WHILE the story of the protagonists plods along is what the series is really about.. they’re not just two people destined to fall in love and then fall apart, its more about what their worlds themselves are like.. their personal lives are hardly there in the story of each episode, their individual life, much like in real life, is just a foreground to the larger picture getting painted around them.. their individual existence is important only because they connect to the universe as essential components of it, the storyline doesn’t revolve around them, they work as small parts of the larger storyline..

And i ADORE the way they’ve dealt with the depiction of the ‘crazy scientist’ stereotype.. J

And yes, the lead guy IS rather cute :) 

things i wish weren't true

one can't compete with a ghost
a memory is always perfect
its useless to try and break bonds, loosening them and then slipping out is much easier..

its practically a perfect score.. 10/10.. or whatever number we're at.. my life seems to be in a loop sometimes.. even when  think i've broken out of one loop the straight- looking path I take suddenly curves in on itself..

maybe i should change the name of this blog to 'rants of a depressed soul'.. or 'blank'... that seems to be my most common theme lately.................................

never made it as a wise man....

creepy crawly

like the strangest darkest weirdest of things imagined and unimaginable except in that dream state where i'm wide awake and watching my fingers fly across the paper or the keyboard without consciously knowing where the sentence is going

thoughts burrow somewhere to surface like a mole or a mouse when i'm looking elsewhere and actually put it out of my mind.. then it scurries into my peripheral vision and i can do nothing but stare at it terrified till t chooses to go away leaving me fearful of its return

the rattle of a snake almost

an advance warning that something is there in your path, something that knows you when you don't know it

shadows that dance in the light changing form before you can identify it

this is how it comes creeping into my thoughts