no surprise

it was on april 22 that i wrote the most sensible post of the year...

some things cannot be recycled or reused..

i tried to be melanie.. but i could never even be scarlett..

i should really stop trying to live in storybooks... its been a long time since i gave up on a storybook romance.. maybe its time i gave up on a novel- worthy comeback as well..

things happen when they have to happen.. you can't hold on to something broken and believe that it'll get back to its unspoiled beautiful self...
or even taht if you try enough you'll reassemble it into some other beautiful thing... whats broken remains so..


......................
i have a scar on my waist... its a puckered little reminder of a cycling accident as an 8 year old..
some scars never fade.. this is one of them.... its something to learn from.

i have several scars as a matter of fact.. comes with a lifetime of clumsiness... falling off slides, on rocks, baching bicycles into buildings, falling off tree branches banging against doors.. been there, done that, carry the mark of..

and every one of them reminds me of a time when doing something that was "a good idea at the time" can lead to both laughter and pain.

there's a lot that happens in life that makes NO sense whatsoever... but feels damn good..
unfortunately.. today's not quite what i would want put in that category...

i REALLY need better things to do in life than overanalyse n crib..

i'm not that pesky little kid you took care of... i grew up. can you please deal with it like a grown up

it really hurts when the person because of whom you have been put in fetters says that being restricted is a good thing... that the outside world is not safe enough for you.... when each time you try to loosen your chains they are tightened because of the enduring spectre of THAT person..

i know its stupid to resent someone who never knew what havoc their behaviour might cause.... who genuinely thinks that the same fetters they broke in their bid to live would keep someone else safe and happy.. its even more ridiculous however, to have kept well within lines and done everything expected of you.. and then be denied the power to take decisions that affect no one but yourself... its downright hurts when you comply with every valid and stupid restriction far beyond the age where anyone less compliant would and did, and yet you're tarred with the brush of rebellion when all you want is to be recognised as a thinking person in your own right...

i suppose it would be a bit counterproductive to quote britney spears of all the people after saying that i am too old to be controlled, but this song says it all..

i'm not a girl
there is no need to protect me..
........

ive seen so much more than you know now.. and thats why it seems to me...
i'm not a girl.

bummer

at home and wondering what to do.. now that my "dreamy" internship has fallen through..
guess this is the last time i'm gonna let the "adults" of my family take work- related decisions for me... i'd say decisions in general but that is something i know i'm too much of a chicken to do.. plus they ARE my parents and need to have some authority in my life..

blah di blah blah...

i guess i'm gonna spend june holed up in my room cursing the sun after all.. :(

who dunnit

there's a contest on http://www.blogadda.com/ to solve a mystery story..  its been written by Ajay Nair ( http://www.ajaynair.wordpress.com/ )

OH and i hope the blogadda people would forgive me but i couldn't figure out how to add a picture from Pringoo..
so here's my take:


The most obvious interpretation would be that Lila committed suicide and orchestrated the whole charade of the party to get revenge for having tried to kill her in the past.. but I don’t think its that easy..


I think it was SIA…

Though the author thought that sia had escaped lila, she never had. Sia must have had to suffer the most from lila’s actions. It must have rankled in sia’s mind that lila’s life threatening disease got her undeserved sympathy..

As for the ‘how”… The story doesn’t mention how lila actually dies..

The ‘strange misshapen beads’ could be part of a bracelet that sia wore, and one of them was a capsule of poison.. when sia went in to see lila, she, like the author, must have expected an apology for all the damage caused over the years. Lila must have offered sia some tea as well, which she pretended to drink and then pretended to throw up..

while she did that.. she would have broken the bracelet and taken out the poison capsule..

She came out of the bathroom and accused lila of trying to poison her..

As she did that, she also slipped the poison capsule into the tea. Lila protested that she had not done any such thing, so sia asked her to drink that tea. Lila drank it and then sia took out the armband from her purse, and threw it at lila saying that she did not want to even keep her memento.
The bejeweled case had contained the bullet which R had used on her. Sia opened the case and emptied its contents, reminding lila that at the end she was left with no one who cared about her.

Sia came out of the room crying in anger.. Lila may not have cared to apologise for her actions but sia’s outburst had made her afraid of similar words from others.. that was the reason for her awkward behavior.

By the time everyone was ready to leave, lila could feel the effects of the poison… she felt hot and nauseous so she took off her scarf and threw it on the bed. Then she saw the cup and realized what had happened. She dropped the cup and fell onto the bed, her body pushing the scarf under the pillow...

Someone had killed her, “after all these years”.