bummer

at home and wondering what to do.. now that my "dreamy" internship has fallen through..
guess this is the last time i'm gonna let the "adults" of my family take work- related decisions for me... i'd say decisions in general but that is something i know i'm too much of a chicken to do.. plus they ARE my parents and need to have some authority in my life..

blah di blah blah...

i guess i'm gonna spend june holed up in my room cursing the sun after all.. :(

who dunnit

there's a contest on http://www.blogadda.com/ to solve a mystery story..  its been written by Ajay Nair ( http://www.ajaynair.wordpress.com/ )

OH and i hope the blogadda people would forgive me but i couldn't figure out how to add a picture from Pringoo..
so here's my take:


The most obvious interpretation would be that Lila committed suicide and orchestrated the whole charade of the party to get revenge for having tried to kill her in the past.. but I don’t think its that easy..


I think it was SIA…

Though the author thought that sia had escaped lila, she never had. Sia must have had to suffer the most from lila’s actions. It must have rankled in sia’s mind that lila’s life threatening disease got her undeserved sympathy..

As for the ‘how”… The story doesn’t mention how lila actually dies..

The ‘strange misshapen beads’ could be part of a bracelet that sia wore, and one of them was a capsule of poison.. when sia went in to see lila, she, like the author, must have expected an apology for all the damage caused over the years. Lila must have offered sia some tea as well, which she pretended to drink and then pretended to throw up..

while she did that.. she would have broken the bracelet and taken out the poison capsule..

She came out of the bathroom and accused lila of trying to poison her..

As she did that, she also slipped the poison capsule into the tea. Lila protested that she had not done any such thing, so sia asked her to drink that tea. Lila drank it and then sia took out the armband from her purse, and threw it at lila saying that she did not want to even keep her memento.
The bejeweled case had contained the bullet which R had used on her. Sia opened the case and emptied its contents, reminding lila that at the end she was left with no one who cared about her.

Sia came out of the room crying in anger.. Lila may not have cared to apologise for her actions but sia’s outburst had made her afraid of similar words from others.. that was the reason for her awkward behavior.

By the time everyone was ready to leave, lila could feel the effects of the poison… she felt hot and nauseous so she took off her scarf and threw it on the bed. Then she saw the cup and realized what had happened. She dropped the cup and fell onto the bed, her body pushing the scarf under the pillow...

Someone had killed her, “after all these years”.

newton's fourth law

"A guy can never like you as a friend unless he sees you as a prospective girlfriend"
"A boy and a girl can never be just friends"
unless, reads the disclaimer, either one or both of them are committed to other people OR the guy is gay...

this is the law put forth in 'when Harry met Sally', AND explained to me again today by a rather exasperated tinni after reading the last few entries on my blog...

here's the scenario.. a girl and a guy have been friends for a long time.. the girl is dating some other guy, the guy is/isn't.. immaterial to the question really... they're friends.. they hang out together, they've met each other's "other halves" etc... eventually both break up with the person they've been with.. and continue to be friends.. and suddenly, out of the blue, the guy pipes up with a .. "you know.. i've wanted to ask you out for a while now" and the girl is left wondering.. %^&$%^&*&*%$%$%???????

i ask you, dear readers... WHY are men so ridiculously complicated to understand?? is it really that impossible for a guy to have a friend who is good looking, easy to talk to, single and female.. and NOT harbour 'not all that friend-like' thoughts for her??
is it true for all men?? or just 20 something idiots who have suddenly realised that the pal they've been hanging out with is of the opposite sex...
u know the previous line doesnt actually apply.. coz the gentlemen in question who prompted the outburst arent really 'recovering from the throes of puberty' teenagers or escapees from the 'no women allowed' campsites of the taliban.... they're over 20, educated young men who have had female friends for a long time and have had girlfriends/ crushes/ flirtations at various points of time..

tinni put forward this really interesting point today... the 'single guy mentality'
if the guy is single.. any and all girls he meets are potential girlfriends... even the girl next door who he's seen as a snotty 3 year old to the grown up woman that she is.. even the best friend of a beloved ex.. ALL women, if they're dumb enough to continue being friends with the  guy, are potentially 'women to hit on'.

'no guy would continue to be a close friend unless he wants something'
is that what i have to learn from the behaviour of people around me now???

weirdly enough... this argument is not restricted to women -who -have -had -to -deal -with- it... a similar discussion with a male friend (who thankfully is committed and therefore non-threatening) yielded virtually the same opinion..
" a guy will always have issues if his girlfriend is friends with a single guy, not because he doesnt trust his girlfriend.. its because he knows that the single guy in question will invariably make some move at some point of time.."

you'd think the woman whose holding up half the sky might wanna shrug away from the guy next to her.. just in case...

background score to life...

sometimes lyrics really say what you cannot... except that right now.. its TWO radically different songs that are rushing through my head... or maybe they aren't all that different... i'm sitting in the college library with less than 20 days to go before finals.. an ipod in my ears... maybe i should just change the song thats playing... get music tahts more conducive to concentrating on international law.. but right now my state of mind is encompassed by these songs....

oh n btw... they really ARE awesome songs to listen to... even if the lyrics dont send u into a tizzy...


DAUGHTRY- NO SURPRISE
I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round

And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now

Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
 
 
 
INCOMPLETE- BACKSTREET BOYS
Empty spaces fill me up with holes

Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)


I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

i'm pissed off

it is NOT a nice thing to tell an unsuspecting friend that u have a crush on them and then sulk coz they turn you down..

it is NOT nice to cut them out of plans just coz your ego cannot take it..

and it is definitely NOT nice to remind them everytime that you didnt wanna meet them/talk to them coz you havent gotten over the embarrassment/ hurt from being turned down.. and therefore had asked other friends to not invite them or so much as tell them that youre all meeting up...

and to those friends who actually collude in these ridiculous plans.. youre really not being nice either.

just coz i'm not in love with you does not mean that i dont ever wanna see your face again.. if i did.. that fact would have been made amply clear.

its really mean to make ME feel guilty for "not respecting your feelings" the fact that your name is not up in this blog post means that i do care about your feelings.. i just dont wanna go out with you.

i fail to see why I am the bad guy here if YOU cant get over a crush.

 you've really hurt me.. you AND our so called friends who agreed to stoke your ego at the cost of my feelings.

I dreamed of you last night


The image swirling in dim light

Watched you smile at me.. and raise the dagger

Fell to the ground yet again


I dreamed of you last night

That void in my heart pulsed in fear

Of what had come and what could have come

And I woke up in a river of tears


I try to stay awake, not dream

And yet the voices surround me

The scars pull and bleed sometimes

As I run from what I’ve left behind me..