breathe...

This post was picked as one of




After years of suffocation... I finally took a clear breath... I felt free
There was nothing tying me down anymore.. nothing that made my eyes drop instead of meeting those in the mirror..
The bruises would fade in a while.. the scars would heal.. and HE would never again threaten me..
I looked once again at his face.. Frozen in the shock of my response to his threats..
“You never thought I would ever develop the backbone to fight back did you?” I threw the question at him as I straightened my clothes... my blouse was torn... my head probably missing a few strands of hair that were still clutched in his hands… my legs were slightly unsteady as I shuffled to the trunk in the corner.. But I felt no pain.. I could finally breathe…

It was a heady moment.. an endless moment.. when I had thought I was marrying the most wonderful man in the world.. who would love me and care for me and we’ll live a happy life forever.. we would have to work hard I knew.. life as teenage runaways had always been hard.. as a newly married couple we would have to work even harder..

The stars were soon replaced by despair in mine… he lost his job in the dhaba where he worked.. My wages as a maid sustained us.. he started drinking to drown his disappointment..
and then I got pregnant..
my work had to stop soon.. I wasn’t going to be able to work for more than two more months before I got too far to work in my pregnant state.. he didn’t get another job.. as the day of delivery drew closer, He began to resent the baby growing inside me. The baby that stopped me from going to work, from doing a lot of the housework.. from sleeping with him..
And things began to go downhill from there.. till a day that he said it out loud.. he hated that baby for how it had changed our life.. I screamed at him in loathing.. and something snapped in him… that was the first time he hit me..
And then he never stopped..
Soon I began to look forward to the days that he would come home too drunk to actually hurt me before falling asleep.. I couldn’t run.. not with the baby so close to coming to this world..

The day my daughter was born was the day I lost my humanity… he took my newborn daughter out of my sleeping hands.. and sold her to someone who wanted a child…
when I woke up.. my womb and my life were empty… I asked for my baby.. begged for her.. but he only laughed at me..
The next day he told me that he was not going to support me any longer.. I was too weak to say anything … he told me I had to do what he said if I ever wanted to see my daughter again… and he took me to the brothel nearby and left me there…

I was not allowed to eat till I had earned my first meal…. The price was the satisfaction of the brothel owner.. he ‘sampled’ every woman who was taken to work there.. I resisted for as long as I could... he finally got his wish when I got too weak to resist.. I lay there semi conscious.. as the owner sated his lust.. I got a bowl of rice and a roti as reward for surviving.. my husband got three hundred rupees.. I had been found acceptable..

My tears or my screams never moved him.. he just dragged me to that tiny room in the late afternoon when the work in the ‘house’ started… I wasn’t given food if a client complained.. the beatings and insults were my only sustenance…

I began to doubt my humanity.. till the day I found out where my daughter was.. he HAD sold her… not to a couple who wanted a child.. but to a runner of beggars who needed another prop.. my baby had finally died at age 5.. when the sahib decided that she needed to be burnt in places to be a more acceptable beggar.. her heart had stopped with the pain the acid brought on…

And my ‘husband’ had just told me that because he thought I was to blame for her weakness… he had kicked me awake to tell me that... taken his belt to beat me because I hadn’t produced a daughter strong enough to survive as a beggar…

I finally lost my desire to live then.. my daughter was no more.. she had been the reason that I had survived this long.. that one day I would see her again and have the life I wanted.. when I would remove him from the clutches of the alcohol that had clouded his senses.. and we would have a family again..

I lost my tenuous hold on my humanity and hope..

I wanted to die.. but he would continue living as he had..

I couldn’t let that happen…

Before I stopped hurting forever.. I had to show him what pain was..

I rallied the last of my breaths.. and threw my plate at his head… it glanced off his throat.. stopped him for a second as he choked.. then he lunged forward and grabbed my hair… pushed me to the floor.. but I still had some strength.. I kicked him in the stomach.. like he had hundreds of times.. showing him just how that felt. Watched him double up in pain like I had so many times.. and I ran to the door.. he caught me and threw me against the dressing table.. the glass shattered behind me.. a shard landed near my hand.. my fingers curled almost unthinkingly around it.. and before I knew it.. the glass was through his heart…

I watched his knees buckle.. watched him fall and twitch and finally be still.. the shock and pain still on his face..

And took my first free breath in years…

how our problems stem from the colonial imposition...

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/pakistans-british-drawn-borders/?ref=asia

and yet even now we look to the west for solutions...

Black or white

Protection
For Gangs, Clubs And Nations
Causing Grief
InHuman Relations
It's A Turf War
On A Global Scale
I'd Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
See, It's Not About Races
Just Places
Faces
Where Your Blood
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Going To Spend
My Life Being A Color

looked up this song as something u could d a jazz dance on.. then rememebred what the lyrics said..
no matter what horrid things micheal jackson may have done in life.. i think THIS is one song i'll always like him for...
Black or white..
funny how no one seems to take popular culture and music seriously...
rather ironic.. don't you think....

rosalie

My hand was hesitant.. trembling..
Should I really do this??
I couldn’t believe it had come down to this... that I had come down to this level… but HE was the one who had done this to me… left me to die bleeding on the street. My beauty destroyed.. broken.. and someone had saved me…
Restored that beauty.. increased it a hundredfold.. I was now the most beautiful thing on earth..

I saw my reflection in his terrified eyes.. fool that he was.. he thought I was a ghost.. brought on by the alcohol that rode in his bloodstream.. he had screamed.. yes.. i had to make sure he screamed more than I had on that fateful night..

He’d broken me into pieces.. Destroyed me.. And left me to die in the street.. I, Rosalie Hale.. The most beautiful woman on earth.. Had been destroyed by this weak creature who I’d believed to be my prince…
I smiled.. my hand shook no longer.. I knew I had to finish him.. without spilling any blood..
I couldn’t let even a drop spill.. it would wreck my concentration…
I still hadn’t mastered my instincts as a vampire.. Carlisle had drummed the rules into my head.. but a single drop would make the work difficult.. I held my breath

I didn’t need to breathe anymore.. this monster crawling on the floor had stolen my life.. my life as a carefree, happy girl.. now I was beyond death
I was HIS death..

His panicked eyes took in the white dress that floated around my feet.. the bridal veil on my head.. remnants of a dream that HE had stolen from me..

Hello.. remember me?? Your fiancée.. the one you and your friends left to die.
He whimpered.. in fear.. in pain..

I picked him up by his hair.. u remember how you had pulled my hat off my head that night?? The pins had pulled some of my hair with them.. I had cried out.. and you laughed!

He could see my eyes now… I hadn’t yet gained the soft gold colour that my adoptive father had… they were still red.. the red of the blood I could now smell coming from his broken mouth…
My instincts flared… I was thirsty… but I controlled it..
THIS creature’s blood will never go into me… I will NOT degrade myself that way…

You remember your friends? The ones who stood around and laughed as you hit me?? Helped you rip at my clothes that evening?
He couldn’t speak… ofcourse he couldn’t… but he did remember.. I could see it in his eyes…
“n.. I ...” he managed to stammer..

Well.. you’re going to see them again soon… I told him pleasantly..
His eyes widened further in fear.. he had just caught a glimpse of his guards.. hanging from the chandelier..
Oh no my king.. u will not have it that easy.. .
I promised him softly..
You thought you were royalty didn’t you? A King! You should be anointed shouldn’t you..
He screamed again as I poured the oil..
"Yes.. burns doesn’t it?? So did i.." I told him
I can’t feel pain now.. but the venom had burnt worse than this when I gained my new life.. how carlisle had apologized for the pain.. He didn’t know I would welcome it later.. for this chance of revenge..… he’d found me bleeding on the street.. and taken to me to his house.. bitten me… made me immortal.. adopted me as a daughter..


I poured some more.. the smell was wonderful… his screams were beginning to get louder.. someone would hear soon.. I didn't want that.. he couldn’t escape me now..
I wanted to draw it out further.. but I ended it..
I snapped his neck.. and threw a match on the anointed king..

No blood…
My revenge was complete..






my obsession with Twilight continues...

missed chance

“I waited… but never got a response…
Did u know that? Did you know I was standing right there just to see that maybe you would turn around…”
The crowds had rolled around them as she had walked away.. he had stood where they had last been together, hoping that the smile that had given him the chance to hope would return to her face.. she had danced away oblivious to the turmoil in his heart

“But I did turn around.. every few seconds.. you were too busy looking to see if the bus had come yet.. after the first time we waved to each other across the road..”

Her heart was racing as she turned to see him once more.. a smile on her lips in anticipation of his reaction.. she was going to blow him a kiss.. she didn’t care what the gathered millions would think of them.. “this generation….” Would probably have been the most popular sentiment
But she didn’t care

He was there.. like he had always been.. but he wasn’t looking at her.. dismayed.. she turned back.. right at the moment that he had looked up to hope..


“hey.. I was thinking..”
The night passed by in whispers…

“What if..”
“What if. What?”

Er.. what if this was what we had both been waiting for??”
“this??” us… he means us????
Her breathing hitched..
"Er… I don’t really know.. "

Oh hell.. was that the wrong thing to say..?? no no I wont mess this up
“I meant us as being in the same place again priya.. u know.. I really really missed you..” his heart was throbbing as the words dropped from his lips..

she stopped breathing...
“uh.. yeah.. right back at you sweetheart.. u’ve been the best friend I could ever ask for”

hunger

the hunger gnawed at my senses.. i couldn't think of anything but how much i wanted to reach out and touch.. to take... there was no way i was going to let this moment go.. had waited for this moment so long.. forever i thought.. thats how long i've waited for this...

and now i was going to have it.. what i had been waiting so long for...

i reached out with a tentative hand.. and held on to the object of my desires.. my lips parted in anticipation as i drew it nearer to me...

ahh.... how i love dark chocolate...