old n new...

ive been meeting lots and lots of ppl lately... old school friends who i havent seen in years, new friends of friends who turn out to be more fun than i thought they would... spending a lot of time gallivanting around town... like.. i went to this party on new year's eve where EVERYONE was a total stranger except N.. thanks a ton by the way.. i wouldve had a miserably boring new year's eve if u hadnt dragged me out...
n met school frenz on teh reunion on 21st.. AND i met rohan yesterday.. AND sap's comin in 2 days... i'm gradually getting back in touch with my life beyond college, life beyond CL.. infact ive realised just how much i did not partake of coz all my time was spent closed in a world that consisted of one person..

ive really figured out that i CAN easdily live happily without focusing all my energies on ONE person... and how much there really is going on in the world if u just open your eyes and look..

went to CP yesterday to meet rohan... sat around talkin over coffee and alcohol.. walked around teh place.. saw this army band playing in the middle of CP for some reason..

Bihar, 5th regiment.. it was quite funnny really.. this bunch of ppl just playing away in the middle of an afternoon...

the day was so beautifully misty... we were sitting at central park and it seemed taht teh buildings al around were covered in clouds... it was chilly as the arctic but seemed really amazing to hang out in.. ofcourse after two vodkas EVERYTHING feels nice... :)

anyway.. it seemed that rohan was quite happy to see me after two whole years.. (sorry bro but i HAD to put this pic up...)

and thn i was relaxing at home and sleeeeeeeeping late..

AND i finally started studying for that damned law exam in march.. still have to find out teh date of the paper though...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! may this year bring to you new beginnings and new hopes and dreams!!!

life in a bubble..

I'm six years old.. at India Gate.. on a picnic with my family.. the guy blowing bubbles comes along.. preceded by a whole lot of shimmering spheres that refract the stark yellow lighting into a million rainbows...
i run into them.. dancing amidst the bubbles.. ecstatic to be surrounded by their fragile beauty..
trying to catch those transient carriers of rainbows and fairies.. wishing i could keep a few.. just a little while... keep a rainbow in my hand.. Hold those shimmering ethereal things with me forever..

but they burst as soon as i touch them..

I cant have what i yearn for...
but i keep jumping anyway.. trying to catch hold of tehm.. please god.. just one little bubble to keep with me..

why do we keep trying to hold on to things that are so fragile and unkeepable?? why do i despair for what i cannot have??

"Rainbows and fairies dont really come and sit on your hands baby..."
why cant i remember this as an adult??

midnight mass... and 2 am walks...

i attended the midnight mass on christmas eve at the St. James Church!

okay... so i've told EVERYONE i went to St. james.... BUT the night did NOT end there... coz after singing silent night and oh holy night in a high falsetto..(and i thank god that my voice hasnt gotten totally ruined) we decided to go enjoy the beautiful night outside...

St. James's Church....



oh come all ye faithful.....





H, me n S, two colleagues of mine.. had gone to the church to cover the mass for teh christmas story... all of us live in the general north campus area so we thought it would be fun.. but then H said she had to go south for a christmas party... so that left me n S.. he's the photographer btw.. n me in my carol induced high suggested that we walk back... from St. James to college.. at 1:30 am...

and we did... walked from St. james up mall road to college.. clicking pictures on the way.. coz i had my little digicam as welll.. n he had his SLR ofcourse.. n we were having a rather animated discussion about photography and what a picture can truly capture the mood... these are the pix I took...


lampposts and trees.... mist on the mall road..


got home at 3 am after the 4.5 km walk that left me frozen.. took a break on the way for chai n cigarettes at the kashmere gate bus adda.. a hot glass of tea at 2 am on a freezing december night is a heavenly thing.... and then walked up the mall road amidst the mist and mystery of the night.. hoping to god that none of the speeding trucks would crush us.. and wondering if it was a good idea to throw a lit cigarette on a CNG container at the petrol pump...
oh n the last 500 mt stretch on university road where half the streetlights were broken and the ridge formed a scray jungle on one side. no thanks to u S.. for scaring the bejeezus out of me.. H would have probably screamed louder than me though...

to S.. here's hoping that we have many more such random walks and photo sessions..
hopefully we shall not freeze our asses off next time..

I shall not weep...

coz i will focus on the good in life...

i had a brilliant night... post finding out about.. what'd u call him noor?? oh yeah... post CL phase of the night was truly awesome.

I went for midnight mass!!! at St. James'.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd wanted to go for sooo long.. but then midnight isnt a time that i'm allowed to go out of the houuse... were it not for work.. and the freak fact that i was actually listening to other ppl in the office car instead of being kllost in the telephone..

it was beautiful.... i remember goin to the Sacred heart cathederal last christmas in the afternoon with everyone from ppg... n we all wondered how it would be like if we were actually present on occasion...

n this time i got it...

the silence, the candles, the smoke from the incense.. the sound of a hundred whispered responses...

it was peace as i have never known... except after a large mouthful of bhang on holi.. or in the crush of the jostling crowds at bihariji temple at vrindavan.... thousands of people cahanting together... lost in something they only half understand...

maybe religion isnt really that bad after all... its when you try and push your sensibility on others when the problem rises..

last night the pastor's message was simply this... do not be afraid.. love everyone around you..

and god will protect you



my tears dropped on the altar railing when i knelt to be blessed...

song for every occasion???

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it (but we lost it)

All of the memories, so close to me
Just fade away

All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

well.... bits thereof anyway.... goodbye goodbye.. parting this time is no sorrow at all...

the myth of pavlov

even dogs and mice learn to not repeat the behaviour that leads to punishment...

why dont humans do the same????????

why do we try to find loopholes out of laws, and work around the rules.. and think that hiding our heads in the sand will mean that we're safe and the danger has passed.....

why do pinpricks hurt worse that the thrust of a sword??
why does a huge shock numb faster than the small hurts...
why do things accumulate in my head and heart till i feel i will explode...
why cant things heal..
why is it that i feel this way..
why is it that somethings just dont go away.....????????