sometimes adreadful lonliness takes over... despite a life full of things to do... u miss talking.. one thing that is missing seems like a gaping hole in life... staying up half the night... wondering what to do... just coz its a habit now... n i dont know how to get rid of it...
donno why i'm mentioning this song in particular... seems apt somehow..
Talk tonight- Oasis
Sittin' on my own
Chewin' on a bone
A thousand million
Miles from home
When Something hit me
Somewhere right between the eyes
Sleepin' on a plane
You know you can't complain
You took your last chance
Once again
I landed, stranded
Hardly even knew your name
I wanna talk tonight
Until the mornin' light'
Bout how you saved my life
You and me see how we are
You and me see how we are
All your dreams are made
Of Strawberry lemonade
And you make sure
I eat today
You take me walking
To where you played
When you were young I'll never say that I
Won't ever make you cry
And this I'll say
I don't know why
I know I'm leavin'
But I'll be back another day
I wanna talk tonight
Until the mornin' light'
Bout how you saved my life(You saved my life)
I wanna talk tonight(I wanna talk tonight)
'Bout how you saved my life(I wanna talk tonight)
'Bout how you saved my life(I wanna talk tonight)
'Bout how you saved my life(I wanna talk tonight)
'Bout how you saved my life I wanna talk tonight
Monday, October 20, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
realisation
i realised today just how far i can hate... and how much things change when you yank away the base on which they are built..
trust..
the shards of broken trust can pierce you at teh unlikeliest of times.. something that was so inherent a part of me is now gone.. and i cant recognise what i has been riped away from me..
doubt.. once banished.. now reigns supereme...
trust..
the shards of broken trust can pierce you at teh unlikeliest of times.. something that was so inherent a part of me is now gone.. and i cant recognise what i has been riped away from me..
doubt.. once banished.. now reigns supereme...
Thursday, October 09, 2008
goodbye
liberated...
after the end of something taht you said was your life..
after taking me to place where never thought i would be..
after turning my world upside down.
enjoy your liberation.. let me enjoy my hatred
goodbye
shobho bijoya
The expanse of the flood engorged Yamuna seemed dwarfed by the sea of people on its banks today. The immersion of the Goddess Durga and Dashami celebrations today created a carnival like atmosphere on the Ghats where the Idols were being consigned to the waters.
Delhi is in the grip of festive fever and that was visible in the energy displayed by worshippers at various Puja Samitis in Delhi. More than 300 registered samitis exist in Delhi with a countless number of smaller, unregistered ones. And the local population, Bengali and otherwise, was out in full force to bid goodbye to the goddess.
At Pandals across Delhi, the idols were lifted onto trucks to the sounds of the Dhak (drums), cymbals, bells and pipes as people threw gulal and sindoor in the air and danced in front of the idol. The Chamur (decorations) on the drums swayed with the movement of the dhakis (drummers) dancing to the beat of their drumming.
Several thousand people gathered at each of the Ghats opened by the government for immersion. At the Okhla Barrage, Kalindi Kunj, people had come from as far as Dwarka and Gurgaon for the Bijoya Dashami celebrations.
Delhi is in the grip of festive fever and that was visible in the energy displayed by worshippers at various Puja Samitis in Delhi. More than 300 registered samitis exist in Delhi with a countless number of smaller, unregistered ones. And the local population, Bengali and otherwise, was out in full force to bid goodbye to the goddess.
At Pandals across Delhi, the idols were lifted onto trucks to the sounds of the Dhak (drums), cymbals, bells and pipes as people threw gulal and sindoor in the air and danced in front of the idol. The Chamur (decorations) on the drums swayed with the movement of the dhakis (drummers) dancing to the beat of their drumming.
Several thousand people gathered at each of the Ghats opened by the government for immersion. At the Okhla Barrage, Kalindi Kunj, people had come from as far as Dwarka and Gurgaon for the Bijoya Dashami celebrations.
Monday, October 06, 2008
truth and lies
what comes close really?
slowly your eyes left me there.. like life leaves a dying man.................
............. but as the man said.. when u've got nothing..
U've got nothing to lose...
i've read these words over and over again... written years ago by someone's hand.. when u've got nothing, You've got nothing to lose.....
I had everything... and ive lost it.. for no fault of mine..
because i couldnt see the truth behind the lies.. because i closed my eyes and let myself be tugged away beyond my own control.. because i didnt hear a cry for help where i should have..
because i refused to remember that prince charming was also a toad before the princess kissed him..
fairytales and stories.. half truths and white lies... accepting and rejection... whatever for???????
for the sake of hope.. That a happily ever after really exists...
welcome to the real world baby...
slowly your eyes left me there.. like life leaves a dying man.................
............. but as the man said.. when u've got nothing..
U've got nothing to lose...
i've read these words over and over again... written years ago by someone's hand.. when u've got nothing, You've got nothing to lose.....
I had everything... and ive lost it.. for no fault of mine..
because i couldnt see the truth behind the lies.. because i closed my eyes and let myself be tugged away beyond my own control.. because i didnt hear a cry for help where i should have..
because i refused to remember that prince charming was also a toad before the princess kissed him..
fairytales and stories.. half truths and white lies... accepting and rejection... whatever for???????
for the sake of hope.. That a happily ever after really exists...
welcome to the real world baby...
Monday, August 18, 2008
To my childhood memories
This one's for Ati n akku...
I went to Rajghat yesterday... had a bit of time to myself coz sundays a really light day at work... n my office is almost close enuf for a walk..
had wanted to go there for years.. ati do u remember... uncle had said we'd all go there again once he was better... ive wanted all of us to go since then. relive our childhood.. when three little girls woke up at 5:30 am on holiday mornings to go to rajghat and play.. balanced on a single scooter with uncle... its weird.. neither my dad nor akku's ever went there.. or maybe i just dont remember.. the only time i remember any other adults being teher was when all three mothers came too... the dads didnt though..
Rajghat is the resting place of mahatma Gandhi.. n i was there 2 days after the Independence day.. but i wasnt there to remember the father of the nation.. i was there to remember the man wo i placed in next place.. actually same place as my own father.. the one who accepted a rather rude, violent little girl into his home and family because she was his daughter's best friend..
U know whats so weir... i dont remember us EVER actully going to see Gandhi's Samadhi there.. i remember climbing up to the top of teh hillocks and rolling down again.. n playing games like taht all morning... travelling almost 10 kms each way for the fun and games.. never seemed taht long a ride somehow.. it felt like it was taking forever to reach tehre from my office yesterday.. but the childhood memories i have seem like we got there in a jiffy.. after a delayed start from teh house as us girls bickered over wo'll sit where on the scooter.. ati won the coveted front standing place ost of the time... mostly coz she's the youngest and consequently the shortest... though that doesnt exactly apply now... she's as tall as i am.. n akku's taller. Me, the oldest of the three, am the middle one height- wise...
I climbed up the hillock.. n the day was so beautiful... cloudy and cool.. stood there for a little while.. thinking bout teh hazy memories of rolling down the hill competing against each other.. wanting to be the first one to reach the bottom..
I'd taken it as a promise from uncle that we'll all go there again as soon as he was better.. god didnt quite agree with our plans i guess... ive wanted to go there since the day uncle died.. if only as a memorial to him... all three kids go there again.. n remember how we used to play there years ago.. started crying sitting on a bench.. for the father figure who was the reason for my presence there... and for the two friends, sisters who i've barely had time to meet in the last year.. we've all grown up, gone our separate ways.. even though ati n akku are in college now and in north campus most of the day, my job's such that i havent been able to meet them... studies, activities and boyfriends have left us with precious few moments to spend so much as talking to each other...
It just feels like something's one missing from life... the closeness, the madness, the happiness of childhood are gone.. now when we meet, we talk like old ppl reminiscing bout our past, or talk of serious topics, life and college and careers and families.. we're not that old though... its just taht we've grown up a bit fast... i'm the eldest.. n i'm only 20.. but we can still talk bout watever comes to our heads.. lst time all three of us were together was more tahn a month go.. an hour snatched between college admissions for ati n office for me... we sat around discussing the future.. n giving each other relationship advice.. it was sorta strange for me to talk to ati bout HER relationship.. she's like my baby sister,... n now she's dating too.. it was usch a shock for me.. i was like.. URE TOO YOUNG TO DATE! n she's a whole year n a half older than i was when I first started "going out" with someone.. she's older than i was when i had my first kiss... n yet i freaked at the idea that some guy was with my baby sis... its weird how i get all protective bout her.. start lecturing her even though ive been thru the same situations and done worse than she has...
I sometimes wish i could go back in time..
to the barbie dolls and the dress up games..
to nightspends and midnight kitchen raids..
i miss them all so much..
This one's for you guys....
MY SACRIFICE- Creed
Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
I went to Rajghat yesterday... had a bit of time to myself coz sundays a really light day at work... n my office is almost close enuf for a walk..
had wanted to go there for years.. ati do u remember... uncle had said we'd all go there again once he was better... ive wanted all of us to go since then. relive our childhood.. when three little girls woke up at 5:30 am on holiday mornings to go to rajghat and play.. balanced on a single scooter with uncle... its weird.. neither my dad nor akku's ever went there.. or maybe i just dont remember.. the only time i remember any other adults being teher was when all three mothers came too... the dads didnt though..
Rajghat is the resting place of mahatma Gandhi.. n i was there 2 days after the Independence day.. but i wasnt there to remember the father of the nation.. i was there to remember the man wo i placed in next place.. actually same place as my own father.. the one who accepted a rather rude, violent little girl into his home and family because she was his daughter's best friend..
U know whats so weir... i dont remember us EVER actully going to see Gandhi's Samadhi there.. i remember climbing up to the top of teh hillocks and rolling down again.. n playing games like taht all morning... travelling almost 10 kms each way for the fun and games.. never seemed taht long a ride somehow.. it felt like it was taking forever to reach tehre from my office yesterday.. but the childhood memories i have seem like we got there in a jiffy.. after a delayed start from teh house as us girls bickered over wo'll sit where on the scooter.. ati won the coveted front standing place ost of the time... mostly coz she's the youngest and consequently the shortest... though that doesnt exactly apply now... she's as tall as i am.. n akku's taller. Me, the oldest of the three, am the middle one height- wise...
I climbed up the hillock.. n the day was so beautiful... cloudy and cool.. stood there for a little while.. thinking bout teh hazy memories of rolling down the hill competing against each other.. wanting to be the first one to reach the bottom..
I'd taken it as a promise from uncle that we'll all go there again as soon as he was better.. god didnt quite agree with our plans i guess... ive wanted to go there since the day uncle died.. if only as a memorial to him... all three kids go there again.. n remember how we used to play there years ago.. started crying sitting on a bench.. for the father figure who was the reason for my presence there... and for the two friends, sisters who i've barely had time to meet in the last year.. we've all grown up, gone our separate ways.. even though ati n akku are in college now and in north campus most of the day, my job's such that i havent been able to meet them... studies, activities and boyfriends have left us with precious few moments to spend so much as talking to each other...
It just feels like something's one missing from life... the closeness, the madness, the happiness of childhood are gone.. now when we meet, we talk like old ppl reminiscing bout our past, or talk of serious topics, life and college and careers and families.. we're not that old though... its just taht we've grown up a bit fast... i'm the eldest.. n i'm only 20.. but we can still talk bout watever comes to our heads.. lst time all three of us were together was more tahn a month go.. an hour snatched between college admissions for ati n office for me... we sat around discussing the future.. n giving each other relationship advice.. it was sorta strange for me to talk to ati bout HER relationship.. she's like my baby sister,... n now she's dating too.. it was usch a shock for me.. i was like.. URE TOO YOUNG TO DATE! n she's a whole year n a half older than i was when I first started "going out" with someone.. she's older than i was when i had my first kiss... n yet i freaked at the idea that some guy was with my baby sis... its weird how i get all protective bout her.. start lecturing her even though ive been thru the same situations and done worse than she has...
I sometimes wish i could go back in time..
to the barbie dolls and the dress up games..
to nightspends and midnight kitchen raids..
i miss them all so much..
This one's for you guys....
MY SACRIFICE- Creed
Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
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