Sunday, January 30, 2011

watering eyes....

so i wrote a post two years ago when my cousin sister was to get married.. about the kind of clothes available in the markets these days.. today i return with the same rant.. its has gotten WORSE! my big brother is getting engaged in two weeks and my eyes are watering after two hours spent searching in vain for a sari to be given to bhabi as gift..
they've added GLITTER to the stones and even to the cloth! they showed us some concoction called the 'gajji silk' that is silk blended with some random shiny shit..  ruined the look of the cloth.. and NET.. can there please be a sari that does not have a ghastly net border? i want pure chiffon for heaven's sake..!

i might go blind with all that glitter.. WHO buys that shit anyway???????

Friday, January 28, 2011

to friendship

i have been rather lucky as far as making friends is concerned so far.. i have managed to find people who see me as i am and accept me completely, warts and all.. i can be annoying, rude, hyper, condescending, egotistical and just plain crazy... but they stick by me, seeing something good in me throughout..
i'm in awe of you all.. of your loyalty and your patience..
thank you for continuing to be there through my crazy phases..

i hope i can do something worthy of the undying faith you have shown in me..

this is to ati, tinni, ansh, sap, N, rave and sj.. you guys have borne the brunt of my madness and yet never ever given up on me, never gotten angry or grown distant..  god alone knows how you put up with me..
Thank you..i love you very very much..

Saturday, January 22, 2011

i just watched Dhobi Ghat. and i'm still recovering from the sheer beauty of it..


There’s an incredibly familiar feel to the movie. This sense of being lost in time, in the middle of a room full to overflowing with people you know and people who know you.. and in the midst of that bustle there’s a sudden hush in your ears and you feel like you’re living someone else’s life, in someone else’s body, and you’re really all alone.. and then someone bumps into you and makes you feel real again...
Thats what i saw in the movie..
Its like a painting, the artist’s hand paints what his mind sees, your eyes see something different... i don’t know if that poignancy and that sense of belonging to nothing and everything was what they were trying to portray but that is what i saw.. the dialogues were amazing.. the opening sequence...  the handheld videocamera captures the hidden girl’s voice and shows us the rain as she sees it.. the movement of the windshield wipers, the drops sliding down the windowpane.. its like the rain and the city itself IS a character in the movie, the cars on the road are a part of the story, not just props in the background.. the camera itself is not a mere tool, its the narrator, of yasmin’s story, capturing every nuance of expression... her makeup, her clothing, her entire demeanour changes subtly through the narrative, just like munna and arun change.. the only unchanged character is shai.. who is the one trying to unravel the story around her.. capturing places and people she would never meet in her own life, who welcomes everyone into  her life with open arms.. she’s as comfortable inviting the dhobi in to talk to her as she is in a fashionable art event with the rich and famous.. her mannerism doesn’t change with anyone, she’s equally loving, naive, accepting and careless with everyone.. she is the one anomalous character in the entire movie full of real people.. but she is real in her very quirkiness.. she’s the NRI who doesn’t care about social classes and is equally happy eating pao bhaji in a fly-infested restaurant as she is at a posh nightclub..
The most incredible was the ending.. which is really not an ‘ending’ at all.. its a stage where people grow up, change, let go of things they held inside and take a step forward.. munna lets go of the crazy love he has, as does shai, arun finds his muse in the memoirs of a dead yasmin..
The pictures and the paintings involved in the movie are equally beautiful.. the series shai is shown to have done on the people.. portraits of everyday life so mundane taht you never see  the beauty of the scene.. the crowd, the market, the wrinkles on the face of the rickshaw puller.. the yards and yards of clothes hung out to dry... ist a deeply visual film.. its everyday life seen with a hidden camera.. showing things that you would never otherwise notice.. the neighbour aunty packing food for her husband and kids, the surf on the sea.. the tired smile on the face of a dejected young wife, the shy bravado on the face of the boy-man taking time out from a crushing life to dream ..
Its the everyday things that one never notices that create the whole picture... its people who touch your life in places that don’t even register unless you look closely and find how their life meshes with yours... a conversation on the phone while cooking a meal, a downpour that you run through, a walk on a road that you take every day and never notice the road or the people who surround you.. its life...

Its a must watch movie..

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On a completely unrelated note.. I got Amir khan’s autograph!!!!!!! YAY!

Friday, January 21, 2011

am i just like you...?

i have no words.. this song does. and it captures my confusion and depression and hope all at once..






its a bit depressive, but i really like the music.. and the lyrics are nice...

Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction, you're loosing faith
You're wishing for someone,
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you?
All the things you do - can't help myself...

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How will you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?

Turning to face what you've become,
Buried the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you?
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How will you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?
All the things you do

Don't ever feel that you're alone
I'll never let you down, I'll never leave you dry
Don't fall apart, don't let it go
Carry the notion, carry the notion back to me, to me...

Feeling the moment slip away
Feeling the moment slip away

Cause I'm just like you

How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again?
How do you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?

Monday, January 17, 2011

happy birthday Brats! and thank you dear microwave :)

so the brats are now 15 years old! shock and awe is what my state of mind currently is... soon they'll get taller and turn from little boys (note to self: stop calling them that before they raise a ruckus) to men and will no longer need big sis for the little things..
but atleast today my boys are still boys.. and at 1:30 am i can proudly write that i was up late baking them cakes to take to school coz they wanted cake and i promised them that they will have it.. and for the only the second time in my life i made cake in the microwave since the old oven has been relegated to the storage cupboard high up on the wall and the ladder is now broken disallowing all access to said storage space..
brats were quite disappointed when mom pointed out that no oven meant no cake.. BUT i decided to risk it in the microwave anyway..(aren't i the greatest big sister EVER!)
and guess what.. the microwave is PERFECT for the brownies i make.. :) the only reason the cake got messed up the last time we tried the microwave was because we let it bake for too long.. tonight, thanks to a timely tip from SJ who i thankfully thought to ask, i only set the microwave for 10 mins.. and spent all that time worrying that it wouldn't be cooked in that short a time. i was too used to the half hour timing of the old oven. :)

so two perfectly LOVELY chocolate brownies ready for my brats' birthday :) yay!

Monday, January 10, 2011

where cats can be alive and dead, and wormholes are for people :)

A ‘what if' can create some completely insanely wonderful scenarios and ideas.. i’ve always been fascinated by fiction and science fiction since i was a kid.. i read Isaac Asimov novels in school and got pulled into comic books and was always surrounded by people who were heavily into ‘science-y’ stuff..  and i do read a lot.. whatever i can understand and assimilate and wrap my head around.. its astounding how much of what was once science fiction or mythology or ‘god-hood’ is now in the realm of reality, even if in not- practically- provable- theory part of reality..
Was watching this rather awesome program on Discovery Channel today about Stephen Hawking’s theories... reminded me of all the science fiction and star trek and comic books i’ve ever read.. all about timetravel and wormholes and quantum theories.. what made it doubly fun was that the brats were watching it with me and after a long time turned to me for explanation of what we were seeing.. its weird how my latent maternal instincts always come out when the brats ask questions.. questions they’re actually interested in knowing answers to... even though now that they’re 15 most of the time they already know a lot of things or dismiss half the things i say with curt scepticism.. but after quite a while today we were not only sitting and watching something together, i was as excited as they were and i actually had answers to things that they didn’t know...
Its funny how after a point science, science fiction, philosophy and religion seem to converge.. something as simple as ‘why is this a law of nature?’ is only answerable with a ‘because it IS’.. and the only answer to a ‘why’ after that ranges from an ‘I don’t know i’m not a theorist’ to ‘that is how god made it’...
Time travel, wormholes, speed and time, superman flying at faster than the speedof light to go back in time and prevent Lois Lane’s death, the USS Enterprise going warp speed through wormholes to cross immense distances, black holes and the time travel paradox, heck, Angels and demons had such a highly fictionalised account of the LHC and what matter- antimatter interaction would create..

I’ve spent this weekend watching the first two seasons of ‘Fringe’. Its a TV show thats aired in India on WB channel.. i got the first two seasons from a friend recently and have finished the firat season over the weekend and am 4 episodes into the second as of tonight.. i just might watch an episode or two before i go to sleep tonight as a matter of fact.. it is sooo much fun! Biochemistry, theoretical physics, nanotechnology, bio-physics, chemistry, its all there.. and its amazing how they’ve woven actual scientific theory with fiction and created such a beautifully moulded story... i mean, even though the essential story plot is strangely mundane.. what with governments and big multinationals using scientific discovery to prevent/provoke a war, people doing unethical things in the name of ‘greater good’ and a hero and heroine with seemingly limitless potential, bravery and strength taking on everyone, including the laws of nature and two universe-fulls of people.. and obviously they’re gonna fall for each other and then discover that they can’t stay together and there will be catastrophic events post which something or everything will end.. as will the series.. BUT.. the journey is so much more fascinating than the end and even the charted road.. coz its the things that happen WHILE the story of the protagonists plods along is what the series is really about.. they’re not just two people destined to fall in love and then fall apart, its more about what their worlds themselves are like.. their personal lives are hardly there in the story of each episode, their individual life, much like in real life, is just a foreground to the larger picture getting painted around them.. their individual existence is important only because they connect to the universe as essential components of it, the storyline doesn’t revolve around them, they work as small parts of the larger storyline..
And i ADORE the way they’ve dealt with the depiction of the ‘crazy scientist’ stereotype.. J
And yes, the lead guy IS rather cute :) 

Sunday, January 09, 2011

things i wish weren't true

one can't compete with a ghost
a memory is always perfect
its useless to try and break bonds, loosening them and then slipping out is much easier..

its practically a perfect score.. 10/10.. or whatever number we're at.. my life seems to be in a loop sometimes.. even when  think i've broken out of one loop the straight- looking path I take suddenly curves in on itself..

Friday, January 07, 2011

maybe i should change the name of this blog to 'rants of a depressed soul'.. or 'blank'... that seems to be my most common theme lately.................................

never made it as a wise man....

creepy crawly
like the strangest darkest weirdest of things imagined and unimaginable except in that dream state where i'm wide awake and watching my fingers fly across the paper or the keyboard without consciously knowing where the sentence is going
thoughts burrow somewhere to surface like a mole or a mouse when i'm looking elsewhere and actually put it out of my mind.. then it scurries into my peripheral vision and i can do nothing but stare at it terrified till t chooses to go away leaving me fearful of its return
the rattle of a snake almost
an advance warning that something is there in your path, something that knows you when you don't know it
shadows that dance in the light changing form before you can identify it

this is how it comes creeping into my thoughts

Sunday, January 02, 2011

its only when you lose everything that you're completely free to be yourself...

so we're already two days into 2011 and i'm enjoying the lazy sunday.. though i have tonnes of things-to-do lined up including straightening out my closet that has borne the brunt of being stuffed with everything i own in a hurry coz i wanted to leave for a new year's party.. i think i even stuffed a couple of my saris haphazardly into the shelf instead of hanging them as they should be.. but snuggling into a blanket is a much more appealing prospect :)

N n i ushered in the new year together again :) i think we've done that the last four years now.. this time would probably be the last though as she might not be in town next year.. though she did spend most of the night hanging out with her boyfriend and i spent it chatting and dancing with lots of ppl..


in the midst of that loud party however, the whiskey coursing through my veins and the hypnotic flames that were warming my feet took me into one of my I- have to write/type- this- down -right- now- moods. so this is what i typed in the haze and it actually surprises me that not only did i write this at all.. but i managed to not make too many typing errors. though i do suppose the T9 dictionary thats always on in my phone may be responsible for that..... its a little sad for something written at that time in that place.. i suppose sitting curled up alone by the fire with couples all around does that to one...

   it amazes me sometimes.. the sheer weirdness of the thoughts that erupt in flames. the red and gold of the flames reminds me of half- forgotten dreams as i stare into the fire with tongues of whiskey licking at my subconscious and dragging me to another world.. The warmth of the blazing embers takes me to a different word even as laughter and conversations of a thousand people surround me as the first light of a distant dawn breaks far over the horizon and beckons me into a dream.. a dream in which this fire draws me closer to its warmth and security.. a dream where the buzzing conversations retreat into the background and allow me to disappear into a new world of sensation.. a world where the bright lights from a passing car throw shadows of dreams across my conscious mind.. where i no longer feel alone in the cold but feel one with the world around me...

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on a completely unrelated note.. i finally watched Fight Club after several recommendations.. its a fascinating, albeit insane storyline.. its absolute chaos to the point that identity is lost..  chaos tightly controlled by a plan born out of insane denial of one's own thoughts.. scary as all hell if u really think about it..