Tuesday, November 30, 2010

bouncing owls :)

i'm so happy i can barely contain my excitement... my sleepy owl of a brother is finally getting married!!! and a love marriage at that.. i can't imagine how my poor bhabi- to- be puts up with him but i'm sooooo happy for both of them that i just had to jump around and tell the world :)

speaking of putting up with crazies... Ati has decided to go gallivanting off out of town to celebrate the approaching end of her college life, using ME as the excuse to her mom who thinks she's spending the night at my house.. when i tried to use elder-sisterly authority to forbid her trip she simply modified her plans to counter all possible objections that i could raise.. and i can hardly stop a 20 year old from doing what she wants as long as she's taking the safe route.. she reminded me of all the silly stunts i've pulled in my college life to counter my "oh its not safe" reasoning.. thank god for friends who graciously stepped in to relieve my fears.. shruti, whose currently studying in that city happily promised to help out if required and AB found a distant cousin who could be approached for help if need be.. ofcourse they both chewed me out for letting her do something that hairbrained.. though AB did agree with ati that i really had no foot to stand on as regarded irresponsible behavior done behind parents' backs... but she is like a kid sister to me and i know i'm gonna be freaking till she gets back to sweet old delhi tomorrow and i can shake her till her bones rattle... 
however.. the fact remains that i am somewhere rather jealous and i wish I could be off doing something that silly.. not to mention the fact that she's gonna see the tajmahal on a misty morning...
siiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................


Sunday, November 21, 2010

cruel intentions

She comes up the escalator to find him waiting for her at a place he wasn’t supposed to know she’d be…


“I’m impressed.”

He smiles, and takes the step that brings them within touching distance..

“well.. I’m in love”

and they kiss,,,,


I know it’s a stupid movie.. but this has been on my most romantic scenes ever list since I watched Cruel Intentions as an impressionable young teen,,, bad- boy- turned- good.. how much more mills n boon-ey can u get….

Friday, November 19, 2010

faking it

The world is based on lies really
Look around, how many people do you think are there who actually say what they mean and mean what they say..
everyone is constantly faking it.. a smile, concern, interest, pleasure, pressure, involvement, indifference. No one really cares what anyone wants.. but somehow everyone cares what the other person thinks. Everyone wants a good impression. No one wants to be the guy who made a faux pas by actually speaking his mind. .. from the sleep deprived mother who says she’s so happy with her baby to the teenager who fakes love and concern to get laid to the wife who touches her mom in laws feet to the boss who just wants the job done to the husband who really wants some me time to the child who wants some attention to the kid who wants to be left alone... everyone everywhere is just so afraid to say what’s really on their mind.. afraid to face up to what they really feel And i wonder why that is.. even as i follow my fellow beings in this endless deception i wonder why it is this way. Why is it such a crime to want something else? Its so deeply ingrained in us that half our responses are completely automatic. We don’t have to THINK before playing that role no matter how badly we may be chafing inside against the imposition. Not playing that part is somehow tougher than playing a part that you don’t want to play but do it anyway...

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

this is not my happy place....

Its days like these that make me fear for my sanity sometimes... days where i feel like i’m sitting in a corner in a crowded room wrapped in a bale of cotton with yards of bubblewrap around for good measure.. when the noises around me melt into a low buzz in my ears that i cannot decipher.. where i feel like i can’t see or breathe or move and no one can see or hear me... and then again i feel suffocatingly crowded in my own head..

Exams are less than 20 days away.. and i cant study... tears well up for no rhyme or reason at the weirdest of moments and i just throw a fit anytime my suffocating isolation is interrupted...
I don’t know what i’m doing or how i feel or even what i need to get out of this place that i don’t remember entering....

This is not my happy place... its just a place where i’m not exactly unhappy....

Monday, November 08, 2010

hey! i'm still here...

I've been so blank lately that i have to consciously think while i type this... usually this stuff just flows out coz thee are things i wanna get out of my system... this post seemed almost necessary to tell ppl that i'm still here... someone left a comment on my last post recently asking me if i'd shifted my blog somewhere else coz there was nothing new for a while...i havent written in a long time... not just on the blog but anywhere.. haven't so much as filled a page of my diary in a while... lots going on i guess...

1st... i'm addicted to tv... borrowed a 500gb hard drive from a friend and been glued to the laptop for a while.. my dad would probably wanna kill me if he reads this.. but i watched the entire first three seasons of Supernatural.. and i now have only three episodes left on the fourth season... and other assorted movies and tv shows.. this one i mentioned coz its got me so hooked i'm having withdrawal symptoms as i write this... dad's taken the laptop away for the night so i'm on the PC and cannot watch the remaining episodes..

2nd..been spending a lot of time with family.. my babaji (paternal grandfather) passed away two weeks ago.. i cleared out his files a couple of days ago.. he was a criminal lawyer, and as a law student it fell on me to put his papers in order so we could give the appropriate files to the clients... it was weird sorting out his work like that... files and files of cases that have taken him so long to create.. and now i just pulled out his handwritten notes from the files and packed them up for the clients.. the family's spent more time together the last two weeks than we had in ages though... so thats been good... all the cousins and aunts and uncles together... i'd forgotten just how large and noisy my family was..

3rd.. been strangely blank for a while now...i think the love lives of my friends are affecting my moods lately... tiny broke up with her bf, and that was a couple of upsetting days... coz she was rather broken up about the way it ended... Bt has also been having problems with her bf, worst has been that ati's been having a bad time of it n i've been worried about her... heck i see her as a baby sister even though she's 20.. and i do really wanna beat up that idiot boyfriend of hers for making my baby sis cry... but i've pretty much kept out of it except when ati wants to talk..
the only good part is that rave n sj celebrated their anniversary a couple of months ago.. they've gotten closer and stronger as a couple, ofcourse that also means that now when i hang out with them i feel like i'm intruding into eye contact conversations and allusions to stuff others ppl dont know about.. hanging out with a loving couple is a bit hard on a single person.. plus AB n i have been talking a lot lately and that is never really all that good for my sanity..

so thats just about it... a roundup of the thoughts in my head as of rt now... shall put up something better when i get around to writing it...

thank you by the way.. whoever that anonymous commentor was... you made my day.. ppl actually read my blog and wonder when i don't post.. :)