Friday, July 16, 2010

i'm NOT PMS-ing.. but i still want a chocolate and a smoke.

its one of those days when things just feel topsy turvy and irritating even when they aren't... i have no idea why i'm behaving like a child but its like nothing has been right, even though i can't actually pinpoint whats wrong in my life..
my 'cheer yourself up' mantra about how i have everything in life isn't working either.... maybe i should just make a list of why i feel down..

- i'm tired. head pounding and eyes watering level of exhausted but i cant seem to be able to sleep.. thats probably due to the next few factors though..
- i'm interning but my presence is almost totally superfluous.. i spent two hours searching a case in the library today but my boss didn't even use it in the argument.. he did say 'good job' and wrote down the citation for future reference though..
- one of my closest friends has recently met a really cute guy at her workplace and i'm very near being seriously jealous of her coz its like there's zero romance in my life and the droughts been far far too long for my patience.
- i've hardly spent any time with my family since i started interning that didnt involve a meal or some other household-ey kind of thing instead of just randomly sitting with my parents n the brats..
- i might just be suffering from post- world cup blues coz it really feels like there's suddenly nothing worth watching on tv..
- stupid office ppl at law fac yelled at me after i'd been standing in line for nearly an hour... and put me in a separate section from my friends anyway... what was the point of being polite while they yelled anyway...???
- i feel fat.
- three of my friends have called tonight to chat with me but i'm in such a wierd mood that i can't bear to talk to them.. n then i feel blue that i have no one to talk to.
- this guy i work with was making small talk in the car en route to the office from court today and he asked me if i was seeing anyone..
- i have wayy too many romantic numbers on my phone, computer, ipod and lyrics files.
- i'm awake past midnight making this dumb list when i have to wake up at 7 am.

wwwwwaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... :(

Monday, July 05, 2010

unfinished...

"i feel like talking.. thats why i called"
"just like that? "
"yeah.. if.. thats okay"
"uh.. yeah ofcourse.. i mean.."
"oh.. u were busy.. sorry.. i'll let you get back to your work..."

dial tone..

"damn... why didnt i just be civil?? i didnt have to talk to her.. annoying woman that she is.. anyway.. tonnes of work.. damn it.."
.......
rriiiinnnggg
her again? uggh...
"hello?"
"hello? hi do you know who this phone belongs to?? "
the voice was male.. a guy??? on her phone??
"umm.. who is this?"
"you are the last dialled number on this phone.. do you know who this phone belongs to??"
the voice sounded unnaturally loud.. she could also hear traffic in the background..
"er.. yes i do know her. but who are you and what are you doing with her phone??"
"i... i. need help.. this girl just almost jumped in front of my car.. i'm calling from _____ i'm taking her to teh hospital right now. can you please inform her family??? her screen smashed so i cant find any other numbers..."
"oh.. uh.. i .. yes i will. what hospital will you take her to?"

she stared at the phone for a few seconds once she hung up.. contact the family? she knew of teh family surely.. they'd been friends for a while.. surely someone would know.. she called other friends..
"do u know ____'s home number?? she just had an accident.."
"no.. maybe __ does.."
"can you call around and check with others??"
"'kay"
...........

why she was at the hospital she didnt quite know.. perhaps because she'd been the last to have heard from her. it had been a harrowing few hours.. family had been traced.. called. it had been a wierd call to make..

she was finally awake..
"hey.. how are you feeling?" thats such an inane question.. why did i even say that?
she started crying...
"i 'm sorry for all that trouble.. i didnt know what else to do... just felt like i couldnt live anymore.. there was no one who would care.. so.."

wait.. WHAT are you trying to say?? you actually jumped on that road?  it really wasn't an accident?