Tuesday, April 21, 2009


My hand was hesitant.. trembling..
Should I really do this??
I couldn’t believe it had come down to this... that I had come down to this level… but HE was the one who had done this to me… left me to die bleeding on the street. My beauty destroyed.. broken.. and someone had saved me…
Restored that beauty.. increased it a hundredfold.. I was now the most beautiful thing on earth..

I saw my reflection in his terrified eyes.. fool that he was.. he thought I was a ghost.. brought on by the alcohol that rode in his bloodstream.. he had screamed.. yes.. i had to make sure he screamed more than I had on that fateful night..

He’d broken me into pieces.. Destroyed me.. And left me to die in the street.. I, Rosalie Hale.. The most beautiful woman on earth.. Had been destroyed by this weak creature who I’d believed to be my prince…
I smiled.. my hand shook no longer.. I knew I had to finish him.. without spilling any blood..
I couldn’t let even a drop spill.. it would wreck my concentration…
I still hadn’t mastered my instincts as a vampire.. Carlisle had drummed the rules into my head.. but a single drop would make the work difficult.. I held my breath

I didn’t need to breathe anymore.. this monster crawling on the floor had stolen my life.. my life as a carefree, happy girl.. now I was beyond death
I was HIS death..

His panicked eyes took in the white dress that floated around my feet.. the bridal veil on my head.. remnants of a dream that HE had stolen from me..

Hello.. remember me?? Your fiancée.. the one you and your friends left to die.
He whimpered.. in fear.. in pain..

I picked him up by his hair.. u remember how you had pulled my hat off my head that night?? The pins had pulled some of my hair with them.. I had cried out.. and you laughed!

He could see my eyes now… I hadn’t yet gained the soft gold colour that my adoptive father had… they were still red.. the red of the blood I could now smell coming from his broken mouth…
My instincts flared… I was thirsty… but I controlled it..
THIS creature’s blood will never go into me… I will NOT degrade myself that way…

You remember your friends? The ones who stood around and laughed as you hit me?? Helped you rip at my clothes that evening?
He couldn’t speak… ofcourse he couldn’t… but he did remember.. I could see it in his eyes…
“n.. I ...” he managed to stammer..

Well.. you’re going to see them again soon… I told him pleasantly..
His eyes widened further in fear.. he had just caught a glimpse of his guards.. hanging from the chandelier..
Oh no my king.. u will not have it that easy.. .
I promised him softly..
You thought you were royalty didn’t you? A King! You should be anointed shouldn’t you..
He screamed again as I poured the oil..
"Yes.. burns doesn’t it?? So did i.." I told him
I can’t feel pain now.. but the venom had burnt worse than this when I gained my new life.. how carlisle had apologized for the pain.. He didn’t know I would welcome it later.. for this chance of revenge..… he’d found me bleeding on the street.. and taken to me to his house.. bitten me… made me immortal.. adopted me as a daughter..

I poured some more.. the smell was wonderful… his screams were beginning to get louder.. someone would hear soon.. I didn't want that.. he couldn’t escape me now..
I wanted to draw it out further.. but I ended it..
I snapped his neck.. and threw a match on the anointed king..

No blood…
My revenge was complete..

my obsession with Twilight continues...

Monday, April 20, 2009

missed chance

I waited… but never got a response…
Did u know that? Did you know I was standing right there just to see that maybe you would turn around…”

The crowds had rolled around them as she had walked away.. he had stood where they had last been together, hoping that the smile that had given him the chance to hope would return to her face.. she had danced away oblivious to the turmoil in his heart

“But I did turn around.. every few seconds.. you were too busy looking to see if the bus had come yet.. after the first time we waved to each other across the road..”

Her heart was racing as she turned to see him once more.. a smile on her lips in anticipation of his reaction.. she was going to blow him a kiss.. she didn’t care what the gathered millions would think of them.. “this generation….” Would probably have been the most popular sentiment
But she didn’t care

He was there.. like he had always been.. but he wasn’t looking at her.. dismayed.. she turned back.. right at the moment that he had looked up to hope..

“hey.. I was thinking..”
The night passed by in whispers…

“What if..”
“What if. What?”

Er.. what if this was what we had both been waiting for??”
“this??” us… he means us????
Her breathing hitched..
"Er… I don’t really know.. "

Oh hell.. was that the wrong thing to say..?? no no I wont mess this up
“I meant us as being in the same place again priya.. u know.. I really really missed you..” his heart was throbbing as the words dropped from his lips..

she stopped breathing...
“uh.. yeah.. right back at you sweetheart.. u’ve been the best friend I could ever ask for”

Friday, April 17, 2009


the hunger gnawed at my senses.. i couldn't think of anything but how much i wanted to reach out and touch.. to take... there was no way i was going to let this moment go.. had waited for this moment so long.. forever i thought.. thats how long i've waited for this...
and now i was going to have it.. what i had been waiting so long for...
i reached out with a tentative hand.. and held on to the object of my desires.. my lips parted in anticipation as i drew it nearer to me...

ahh.... how i love dark chocolate...

Thursday, April 16, 2009


it hurt when i moved.. the skin pulling... it even opened up again sometimes.. bled.. i tried to hide it from sam.. he would never forgive himself for giving me these scars...
i sometimes wished i could have seen his thoughts when the frenzy had subsided and he'd seen what he'd done.. not that i don't know how he felt.. still feels... how he forces himself to stay calm even when he's so disturbed that his body could phase without counscious thought..
i thought about jacob and bella.. he was so worried for her.. thought of her all the time.. his brothers could see nothing but her in his thoughts... and she was beginning to look human again.. happier... i really wished that she would forget about him... the bloodsucker... Jake needed her so...
he was the reason why these boys had changed.. but then... if they had not come.. i would not have my sam...
loving a werewolf isn't always easy...


i'm SOOOO obsessed with the Twilight series rt now....
though i really really wished that bella would end up with Jake... i mean.. edward is incredibly hot and he loves her... but he's such a control freak.. jake lets her be herself.. he lets her face her fears and live a life she wants.. unlike edward who doesn't realise how he's pushing her till the very end...
n i love the way he says in Eclipse... "we would have been together if the world was as it is supposed to be. a world without monsters and magic"


oh hell... i just read this leaked version of Midnight sun- twilight told through edward's point of view.. n all of a sudden.. i'm not so unhappy with edward.. dammit!!! but mind reading and poisonous fangs apart... i still think Jake's way nicer...

n i was told by a friend that bella n edward have a child in Breaking Dawn... i'm still wondering how the hell that happened since vampires aren't supposed to be able to breed like humans... thats the biggest reason rosalie and esme want to be human again... coz they have a rather strong mothering instinct that they cannot do anything about... well.. i guess i'll just have to read breaking dawn to figure it out.. maybe stephanie meyer forgot the whole birds and bees lecture she should've gotten in her teens... HOW in heaven's name does someone who'se frozen solid father a child?????????

Thursday, April 09, 2009


“I love you.. don’t know why I waited so long to say that..
But you always did know right?? U always knew how I felt.. and yet I could never bring myself to say it..”
Tears rolled down his cheeks… she stared stolidly away..
“Please… please look at me.. just once..
I know I hurt you terribly… I know I should’ve been there.. annie.. please… just once.. answer me..”
He took her hand in his... she didn’t even flinch.. It was as if she couldn’t feel him there...
Her hands were as cold as her eyes...

“I’m sorry my love.. I know I should have come.. I should’ve never let that horrible man take you away…”
he cringed as he looked again at the bruises that shone on her pale skin…. The dark circles that ringed her eyes…

They had been the best of friends.. they had been in love.. but he had never told her that.. when anyone asked.. he just shrugged and said.. “she’s my best friend.. that’s all..”
Her parents had never really approved.. but they could see that they were happy together.. so they never said anything.. neither did he..

The silence stretched... became more and more unbearable… she asked what was wrong.. “nothing really.. its just that I’m gonna move away soon.. I have a great job offer .. in delhi..”
She stilled in the darkness… the Arabian sea continued to fling itself at the rocks behind them..
“how long will you be away??” she asked.. “Don’t know.. a few years maybe..” he refused to meet her eyes.. “We’ll still be friends right??” he still couldn’t meet her eyes as he asked her. The one question he never should... and didn’t ask the one question he should have asked years ago...
“Of course...” her voice broke…

One last hug.. and the plane took him away from the warmth of her presence..

Then the call came..

“I’m getting married.. my engagement is next week.. will you come??” her voice sounded cheery… too cheery.. but he pretended not to notice..
“of course I would… wouldn’t miss it for the world!” his laugh was even higher than hers..

A brighjtly lit hall.. friends and family.. the radiant bride to be.. and the groom… tall.. smiling.. unknown…
The ring rested on her finger… she now belonged to him..

“hey.. congrats…” he turned to him..
“we’ve never met before.. I’m her best friend..” he turned to her.. looked through her… “heya buddy.. I’m SO happy for you..”
The scent of the flowers choked him.. Nauseated her… but their smiles never wavered…
“Thanks a ton.. I would’ve been really angry if u hadn’t come..”
“wouldn’t miss it for the world babes.. its Your big day”

They couldn’t eat…
One last hug.. and he left again… leaving her staring at his retreating back…

“u okay?” she turned towards the sound.. pasted another snile on her face.. “ofcourse papa.. its my engagement.. I’m totally happy..”

The phone rang

“hey… I need my best friend back here.. my wedding’s in three weeks… u’ll come and help me prepare right..”
“of course I will.. if I can get a week off.. will come as soon as I can”

He worked harder than he ever had in life… work consumed him. It was much easier to pretend that your heart was unbroken if you never really looked at life…

the date came closer..
“oh god… she’s getting married tomorrow… I can’t go.. I have to go.. I can NOT see her as someone else’s bride..”

The phone rang..

“hey.. u coming for the wedding tomorrow rt?”
“um.. dunno priya.. I just don’t think I can somehow… u think she’ll be okay??”
“what do you think??”
“I don’t know what to think anymore… she doesn’t know what I feel anyway..”
“you really think she doesn’t?? do YOU kneo how SHE feels?? Did u ever ask her??”
“I couldn’t.. it would’ve never been okay.. her parents..”
“damn her parents.. its about the two of you.. don’t you understand that?”
“i.. I cant… I cant do that to her.. she’s getting married tomorrow..”
“fine then.. be stubborn.. I can’t help anymore.. its between you n her.. n for the record… she IS miserable right now..”

He hung up…

The phone rang again.. it was her..

“I’m getting married tomorrow.. are you coming??” her voice was small..
“I… I’m not sure… er… work you know..”
“okay.. I see… well.. goodbye then.. I guess I’ll never see you again now...”

She hung up… he stared at the phone..
Her goodbye was so final…

He stared at the phone.. couldn’t take his eyes off it.. the sun’s rays slowly illuminated the room.. he still sat.. still as stone…

The phone rang again…

“nikhil!!” her voice was urgent,… screaming..
He could only grunt a response…
“nikhil… u have to come to mumbai… today!! Its annie… she.. she swallowed a bottle ful of pain killers.. she’s in the ICU…. The doctors say she won’t make it… nikhil. Are you there????? She asked for you… she only spoke once and she asked for you….. nikhil… NIKHIL!!!”

The phone fell from his hands… he ran… tears streamed down his face..
The plane took off... he willed to it go faster… priya was at the airport.. waiting…
“is she….” He couldn’t say anymore… her face told him everything…

“can you make this car go any faster!!!” he couldn’t wait… his throat felt parched… every cell in his body knew that he was racing toward something he was going to lose…

The doors opened with a crash…

She was there… pale against the white sheets… her eyes held his as he fell next to her bed..

“I should have come.. I know.. its all my fault sweetheart.. Please just look at me once.. I’ll take you away from it all I promise….”
Just once.. please please talk to me….”

He pleaded.. cried.. but she still refused to look at him… he felt hands on his back.. a doctor’s white covered arm reached towards her…
And closed her eyes..


Drungs don't work- The verve

All this talk of getting old

It's getting me down my love

Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown

This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me

As you lay down on your side

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak

'Cause I passed down my old street

And if you wanna show, then just let me know

And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls,

I'm coming, too Just like you said,

you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old

It's getting me down my love

Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown

This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls,

I'm coming, too

Just like you said,

you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show,

just let me know

And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work

They just make you worse

But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down No more, no more, no more, no more, no more I'm never coming down, I'm never going down No more, no more, no more, no more, no more

Monday, April 06, 2009


i just realised... i'd crossed 100 posts and four years of the blog quite a while back..
so here's the 120th post..

tinni, abby, ansh, noor, ankit.. thanks all of you for encouraging my initial blogging enthusiasm... and to the new freinds ive found on the blogosphere.. Indyeah, usha, IHM, solilo, poonam.. hope u guys stay with me awhile..

this was something i wrote a long long time ago... containing something that was written by someone else even earlier
seems apt somehow....

It seems like..
such a long time ago
that you first held my hand
and said you love me
and i looked into your eyes
saw the love in your smile..
and i gave you my heart
forever for keepimg

stick with me
please stick with me
we've made it this far
how much farther can it be...

Twilight.. and love

just been reading Twilight.. by Stephanie meyer..
u could say its a silly story. i mean.. what 17 year old falls in love with a vampire in her class?? but then... love CAN strike you anytime... and the whole idea of the book was to prtray this sudden, all consuming love that makes a 17 year old girl want to turn herself into a vampire.. and makes a century old... but 17 year old vampire try his damndest to keep her alive and unharmed... with his vampire family helping while battling their own desire for her blood...
and there's werewolves lurking in the sidelines.. and other more dangerous vampires that try to kill her.. and her human parents who try to protect her from the world, never knowing just what world she had become a part of..

an office colleague labelled the book as a puerile treatise of how NOT to have sex even when hormones are raging..
i don't agree..

maybe i'm childish enough to believe in love..
maybe i'm silly enough to believe in the whole idea of forever..
but i'm not ashamed of it

whats so wrong with dreaming about 'the one' person u're destined to be with...???

sure, people make their own destinies.. anything can happen if u really put your mind to it..
but at the end of it.. when the sun goes down and u're sitting on the porch/balcony staring at the blackness of the night... its always comforting to know that there is someone beside you...


a gust of wind ruffles my hair.. i shiver
with the cold, the silvery blackness that surrounds me tonight..
i tug my shawl closer to my body as i wait in the chair..
finally the distant footsteps come closer, warmth surrounds me..
"i missed you.. " and i lift my face up for your kiss..

(another 55'er...)

how do people live with this kind of fear?? the girl who was shown being flogged en camera now denies such a thing ever happened... just coz it would be bad poublicity for the taliban...

conversely... IF the damned video was a fake... HOW in the world did they use her in it?? teh people in the video were identified by the media as locals,.. one even as her brother.. according to news reports... n now she says it never happened.. AND she does not want to appear in court...
could we, people who live in a freer society where we never have to worry bout men with guns flogging us publically just because we were seen with a man.. ever understand what she may be going through???
can ANYONE ever help such girls?? her presence in the video must have brought more anger on her... because the people who did this to her will anyway blame HER.. even though she was pinned down n being beaten.. n had no control over what was being done to her..

how do they live with themselves?? those animals who think nothing of cruelly assaulting innocents in teh name of order... how do they face their mothers, sisters, wives..?? can they really look at themselves in the mirror and not feel guilty?? is fanaticism really that potent a drug?

all through history, there have been cruel armies, bands of vagabonds who have looted, pillaged, raped and killed... how do they really live with themselves??
do they not feel guilt? remorse? sadness? arethey really so disconnected.. so far above the rest of the world that the suffering of those who they hurt has absolutely no impact on them???

makes me sick.. teh idea of people hurting another with that brutality...

as an intern in a news agency once i was asked to do an article on teh armed forces.. the thing i came up with, said my senior, was coloured with the rose tinted glasses i wore when looking at the forces.. "sure, they are patriotic and brave and fearless my child.. but thats not what u have to write about.. what YOU have to bring out is the kind of brutality that they have to make themselves immune to.."
i couldnt do the story... not after my senior sat me down and told me things he's heard from freinds in teh forces.. how they're trained to live in a jungle, killikng their own food, how some sections are trained to withstand torture by going through a short session thereof...

n i read... frederick forsyth, alistair mclain, robert ludlum, tom clancy.. i read them all..

how easy it is for a human being to forget how to care for others.. how quickly one adapts to hurting others when its a choice of 'me or them'...
and yet i cannot understand it

brutality, selfishness..
and we see it everyday.. all day..
on tv, in real life, in books, newspapers...

children being beaten up by enraged employers, women burnt for money, the taliban, the ram sene, the mafia, people who huirt and kill for profit, for political supremacy.. for relieving their own tensions..
and we accept..
accept it all because its so ingrained.. "us against them" "survival of the fittest"

how do we do it?? turm away from sufferiung after offering nothing but a prayer of thanks that it isnt happeing to us.. turn away to save ourselves..

i asked how those who hurt can look at themselves in the mirror..

and now i find that I'm having trouble meeting my eyes...

Saturday, April 04, 2009


"he closed the door on me...!!!!!"
"so what? isn't that what you wanted?? for him to leave...."

"yeah but what really really irks me is that HE closed the door.."
"whats wrong with that? u're the one who told him to leave.."

"yeah i know..
but I didnt get to close the door in HIS face......."

(its 56 words... is that allowed??)