Sunday, June 11, 2006

on top of the world n in a bottomless chasm
both feelings at the same time....................................
elated coz something is about to happen.. depressed coz there's no one around rt now..........
sometimes i think there's somethin wrong with me..... other times... nah.. im just being normal... thats what i am, thats what im like....

the heat is SO getting to me.... cant stir out of doors for more than a minute in this piercing heat... the sun seems to burn my eyes n fry my head...

ati's shifted to a new house... its only bout 30 seconds away.. in the society rt across the road... but it feels soooooo wierd... having to walk out of our society to get to her house... into an unfamiliar place.. i acnt even begin to imagine how she n aunty n damma would be feelin rt now...........
kitty n ansh have been home since 26th... ive met kit 1ce, ansh 2wice... tinni's gotten thru CBSEPMT mains... n her counselling session's in a coupla weeks... so's her BHU exam... havnt been in touch with shruti, vrinda or sid at all......................................................................................... or for anyone else frm school 4 that matter.
i feel sooooo totally alone sometimes.. sp when i think of school n my frenz there.. college also felt really lonly sometimes.. but sitting at home these days is like this awful prison sentence... i have hardly anything to do!!!!

Friday, June 09, 2006

wrote this long ago.... dont quite know why....

a core of pain inside me
an inexplicable sadness
nameless, numerous thoughts crowd my mind
bind
memories of pain n sorrow to my heart
make me fear
cry
dont know what or why
life seems unneeded
a sudden desire to die..
to fly
far away from the maddening crowd

a whirlpool of sounds, shapes
sigths, lights, voices
assaulting by senses
trapped in a vortex of black emotions
an emptiness inside me
a space that throbs with invisible emotions
bringing me to my knees with hurtthat clouds my mind n dulls my senses..

i hear childish voices risen in quarrel
the clink of utensils, mother in her kitchen
the rustles and roars of life outside my window
still.... a void inside
that spews out emotions
words pour out
to assuage a grief...
why do i feel it???
for thoughts that surface
then dive again
wishes that come to heart but remain unprayed for......